There was a story I used to tell a lot about a scientist who worked in the nuclear power industry. This scientist had a job of public relations and would go around to different groups around the country. He was afraid to fly anywhere though, so the company provided him a chauffer to take him from city to city.
Somewhere in the course of giving the same speech over and over again, the chauffer tells him: Doc, I’ve heard you give this same speech now a couple of dozen times, and I have it memorized word for word. I tell you what, why don’t we have some fun and switch places this time, and I will give the speech and you can pretend to be my driver.
So, they agree to try this plan, and they arrive at the new auditorium and the driver gets up in front of the audience and gives the speech word for word just like the scientist would and finally gets ready to leave the stage but someone from the audience stands up and asks him the most difficult question you can possibly imagine about nuclear energy.
Thinking for a moment, the driver replies: Sir that is a dumb question. It is the dumbest question I have ever heard, In fact that question is so dumb, my chauffer in the back of the room can answer that for you!
I was reminded of this story tonight because I happened to run into Farkel in the chat room and he made an interesting observation about my posts. I forget his exact wording but it was something along the lines that while the material I presented was factual it was devoid of feeling, had little emotion and was something along the lines of just being dispassionate. He asked me further if this was really the person I was like inside as well.
It didn’t take long for me to reply to him that there was a difference in the way I was, and that I thought I was passionate and have emotional convictions for my ideas, but now I wonder how accurate that was. I really think that like the story above, I am switching roles and I'm the chauffer at the podium.
It gets scary how deep I think sometimes and thinking about your own thinking is probably the scariest thing you can do. Looking inside myself I see a big tangled mass of confusion and potential but at the same time some fear for me really being me. I know that I’m only using a very small percentage of my potential in what I can accomplish in life but it seems like I’m afraid to step on the gas and see what this baby will do, instead I play things safe and conservatively, careful not to stir up too much shit. The problem I see though is that what comes out (in terms of collective behavior) is only a part of me. It isn’t my wild and adventurous side.
My wild side has gotten me into a lot of trouble in the past (big trouble) but at the same time it pushed me to make incredible accomplishments. It doesn’t seem to have a moderation switch, it either goes ON or OFF. When it is on…I’m really a different person than you see reflected here. I become totally alive and while I don’t ride a Chopper and raise Hell, I’m typically dancing right on that line of what I can get away with, sometimes across it.
So, I’m trying to figure out something. Do you think it is better to be really YOU and accept you for what you are and learn to live with it, or do you STOMP down the part of you that is not culturally acceptable or your wild child?
Kind Regards,
Skipper