To serving elders

by wannabefree 28 Replies latest members private

• 

  Doubting Bro

  I really feel for you guys. I did it for almost 2 years before I finally stepped "aside". You can be a little bit of protection from some of the overbearing elders but likely you were like that before you woke up. You can try to plant doubts but if other elders are paying attention, that could arose suspicion. It's a crap shoot. Plus, you have the fact that many aren't really paying attention at the meetings anyway. Ever try having a serious doctrinal discussion with an average JW? They don't really know their own theology very well. It used to frustrate me when I was "all in" because I felt like many would make fun of people of other religions not understading their own theology while not being able to explain the "deep things" of JWism.

  I agree with MLE in that most of the issues elders deal with are not of a doctrinal nature. I honestly can only remember one time in 10 years that I dealt with a doctrinal question and it was having to do with taking blood fractions (I just gave them the list of things that would get you DAed and things that would not). The majority of things brought up to individual elders are personal problems and the rank & file feel like they can look to that person for guidance. Once you're not an elder, most folks won't ask for that type of help any longer from you even if you were an "approachable" elder.

  I think hardest part is having to give parts. Even question and answer parts are frought with pressure because you have to present the company line yet there were times that I wanted to say what I really thought. Especially when it comes to all the parts giving glory to the GB. Elderelite - wow, WTC?? I have a hard enough time not rolling my eyes just sitting in the audience or reading from the platform!! I do understand though that with a small BOE, it's hard to just drop that task without major headaches (unless you just wanted to DA which doesn't sound like a viable option).

  I tried to tell myself that I could act as a spy and at least leak things the WTS wanted to keep private. I did some of that and certainly appreciate the contributions made by those who still have access to that information. But, the stress ended up taking its toll and I finally pulled the trigger.

  In some ways, it's like being in the mob. When I resigned, the PO (now COBOE) told me "you can't just quit, this isn't like a secular job". In some respects, that's the way it is. They can whack you in a heartbeat but if you try to walk away, they get very upset.

  If/when you guys get to the point you resign and you want to fade or at least become a non-entity in the congregation staying around for family, you will need to lay the ground work. It took me several months of planning and making subtle and not so subtle comments that my family committments were getting too heavy for me to continue. Basically, the rumor mill will go into high gear when they announce that you're no longer serving or have been deleted (can't remember the verbige now). I got in front of it by making comments to those I knew loved to gossip that I didn't know how much longer I could serve due to the pressure of taking care of my family. Plus, some of the elders that liked me also told a few others that I wasn't "deleted" and didn't do anything wrong.

  So, while there were a few gasps, there were enough people that knew it was coming to head off the really nasty rumors that sometimes happen.

  It's crazy that you have to plot and plan about quiting a volunteer job, but such is life as a JW!
• 

  wannabefree

  This is very insightful. I know I went through moments of doubts when I was an elder, but that good old cognitive dissonance kept me going. Once the dam finally broke, everything hiding behind the walls came flooding out, all of a sudden those doubts made sense and completed an unfinished puzzle.
• 

  brotherdan

  It's interesting that cog dissonace actually worked FOR the WT and kept you going. Explain more about that....
• 

  wannabefree

  Well Brother Dan, unless I am mistaken, the cognitive dissonance theory is what keeps the indoctrinated cult member to look for the easy fix to continue with the wrong belief instead of making the change that would seem to be the obvious solution to the non-cult member.

  I guess basically the .... "where else would I go", who else is preaching?, who else is making God's name known?, we have the faithful and discreet slave, ... and more ... so finally it comes down to cognitive dissonance making you accept that the problem is with your own faith and to try and get rid of the doubts and be more spiritual, cuz it must be me, it can't be the organization
• 

  Mad Sweeney

  From a psych class I took:

  Cognitive Dissonance – discomfort from inconsistencies between attitudes (beliefs) and behaviors

  Dissonance theory predicts that when behavior and attitude is inconsistent, either the attitude (belief) or the behavior will change to reduce the dissonance.

  An interesting interview with a social psychologist about this phenomenon:

  http://www.forgoodreason.org/carol_tavris_mistakes_were_made
• 

  brotherdan

  That's a VERY interesting point of view, wannabefree; and something that should be thought about by us all. The cognitive dissonance actually made you question YOURSELF. I think that is probably what they want. If any dissonance actually occurs, it should not be THEM that is questioned, but YOUR OWN lack of faith. Tricky stuff.
• 

  inbetween

  wannabefree: I asked myself this very question many times. Right now, I agree to many core teachings of Christianity, I agree, that love is the best guideline for all, and many morals are of benefit. However, there are things, that simply do not make sense in the bible, even in the Christian teaching. before I used to accept the thin workarounds of the WTS, now I just view it as it is: if something does not make sense, it does not make sense. period

  elderelite: WTC is probably one of the hardest tasks, I´m only third substitute, so its rare, that I have to do it. I had the privilege to conduct, when this ridicolous article about not holding hands in prayer came was studied. I remember rather rushing through this paragraph, just giving time for the first (repeating the par.) answer, before some nuts get worse with their comments...(interestingly, during prayer after this article, I peeked and observed, most still hold hands with their spouse, so did I )

  Interesting comments of you guys, it makes me feel a bit better, knowing others are in the same situation. Because, as elderelite said, it bothers me every single day....
• 

  brotherdan

  elderlite and inbetween, I am so happy that there are guys like you out there. Sometimes when I'm listening to the WT I'm so disappointed by what some of the commenters are saying. Especially the ones that hold the "Faithful slave" in such high regard when they don't REALLY know who the faithful slave is. Is the faithful slave the annointed in the congregation? Actually yes. But do they follow them? No. So instead of saying the "Faithful slave" they should be talking about the GB. But if they were to talk about the GB they would be admitting that they are following 8 - 10 men in brooklyn... It's so sad.
• 

  elderelite

  i thank the perosn who started this thread, it is a sort of therapy for a lot of us..

  @inbetween i just want to clarify on thing.. i said every f**king day. choose that on purpose...

  @dan they did say following the GB in a WT we are going to study in a few weeks..oh yea no one will bat an eye because deep down they already know and understand thats who they follow.
• 

  freddo

  I sometimes wish I hadn't resigned so that I could be a moderating influence (however small and localised) against the dictats of the organisation and the stupidity of some of the local elders.

  But overall I'm glad I did and I think I did well in choosing a "falling out" with a C.O. that most people disliked, including my body of elders, as my reason for resigning. The congregation and elders were by and large sympathetic.