Reverse Shunning

by gutted 27 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  undercover

  I have mixed feelings on what ya'll are calling "reversed shunning".

  JWs practice shunning due to a mandate from the leadership. They don't have to know details or have an opinion, they just follow orders.

  We, OTOH, have freedom of thought. We may have freedom of expression, depending on whether we're officially out or fading. Personally, I don't shun JWs as a group. To me that seems to be stooping down to their level to some degree. Don't get me wrong, there are some I do "shun". I want nothing to do with them. But it's based on my personal experience with that person, not on the fact that they're a JW.

  There is something to be said about avoiding undue contact with JWs in general if you're trying to fade, or trying to come to grips with your internment in their system. Even then though, If I happen to find myself in a situation where I have to interact with them, unless it's one of them that I absolutetly have no use for, I'll treat them the same as I would anyone else that I see on an occasional basis. Not friends necessarily, but friendly and cordial. Having JW family, I do find myself in their presence and I can usually endure their association as long as they're cool. And I'll be cool in return.

  I try to remember that the vast majority of dubs are victims, as we were, and they don't really understand what they're doing. Even then though, there's only so much I'll put up from them and there is a point where I will cut off association with individual ones who piss me off.
• 

  Violia

  No, not without an extremely good reason .
• 

  BluesBrother

  Undercover is right. The members above are not being ordered to shun J W's, they are expressing their freedom of choice in deciding not to have to deal with them. That is a human right that everybody has, and in the event of a trauma of some kind happening to the dub, no doubt they would be there to help out with unconditional support....

  BTW, I have never had to deal with "encouraging remarks" . If I get to talk with them they talk about the weather, their car, music, the t v .....anything rather than their faith which is supposed to be so close to their heart.
• 

  onemore

  UC,

  I guess that the reason why we call it “reverse shunning” is because we opt, from our own accord, to avoid contact with the people that are in that system in the same way that they would avoid us if they knew what we have turned….as they like to say….“apostate”.

  And like you said: There is something to be said about avoiding undue contact with JWs in general if you're trying to fade, or trying to come to grips with your internment in their system .

  That’s where I’m at, I just want to be left alone. And I really have no use for their topic of conversations. But I still love a lot of love my JW friends (victims) and my doors are still open for any of them, I just prefer not to have them as an integral part of my social life as they were before.
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  cognac

  Yeah, my idiot sister is shunning me. She's d'ffed. I texted her. She won't return my texts. I think she needs to see a psychiatrist and get on meds...
• 

  Soldier77

  gutted, you know what you need to say, you said it yourself. I'm supporting you and backing you up, do it!

  I would love to say "take your guilt trip elsewhere"... hmm

  hang in there bud, glad to see you around.
• 

  gutted

  Thanks soldier, there are crappy days but all in all it's going well. The goatee is working its magic, lol.

  Undercover, perhaps wording it as "shunning" is not the best, but to me it's tounge-in-cheek with their horrible policy. I agree with your viewpoint, I mean I hung out with some witnesses just yesterday and had a couple beers (mostly cause my best friend was there), but people who now all of a sudden have called me from out of nowhere get the cold shoulder etc.

  Some of this rings a bell. . .

  http://www.wikihow.com/End-a-Controlling-or-Manipulative-Relationship

  LWT, so true.
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  cyberjesus

  I dont shun I am against shunning. I think that is a despicable practice. I consider it abusive conduct. The only reason I understand the JWs is because they are under mind control. I know my family wouldnt shun me if they werent JWs. It hurts me and I am a victim of it. I would not subject any person to that kind of abuse.
• 

  lil.lady.03

  that's where I'm at right now. I haven't been to my meeting in about a month now. Its still really freash. I had an elder text on saturday morning @ 7:07am (nice guy considering) " hey i haven't seen you in 3 weeks. I'm so worried about you. Please call me." I started laughing. One becasue he woke me up and too I tought it was some old flame texting me. LOL. I didn't text him back. I've had a few sisters call or text. If they call I don;t answer. If they text me I'll text a 'thanks for thinking of me. I'm great.'

  There are a lot of jdubs in my area. I ran into a sis today from another hall. I froze, like she aleady knew I had stopped going. i was trying to get away with a quickness, but I just changed the subject and laughed like all is well in my JW life. Everything is normal.

  I care about a lot of ppl but like someone said I just need some time to sort out my head AWAY from the meetings. Even if that is contray to belief. I have a meeting tomorrow. I thinking maybe I'll show up just shut everybody up and repeat that cycle until the end of the year.

  I will admit I did pray waiting in the car for my brother this afternoon. I haven't in awhile, but I asked if I'm making a huge mistake show me how and where. I didn't even finish my prayer. I had fallen asleep. LOL
• 

  The Oracle

  Hey lil.lady03,

  Sometimes it is best to stick to your guns and stay away instead of going and "resetting the clock". I have seen other faders try this method with disastrous results. It gives the elders and other JWs on the inside who may want to aggressively "save you" the incentive and encouragement to "keep trying".

  If you stay away, remain courteous and friendly, but resolute in your decision not to return it is amazing what happens!

  If pressed for an answer as to why you are not coming, you can assure them that all is well, and it is nothing that anyone has done or said that is keeping you away. Instead let them know that you have decided not to discuss the reasons with anyone, and be firm that it is better that way. Thank them again for their concern and geniuinely ask them how they are doing.

  This method does work.

  Cheers,

  The Oracle