I can remember what it was like to be raised Catholic. There was the annual "game out" where, in lieu of a church service, we would go outside and simply have fun playing games and cooking out. There were the holidays--that always included 2 different trips (one about 60 miles away, and the other around 100 miles) to visit relatives. We always had a special Christmas shopping day, and I couldn't wait for the Christmas tree to go up. Besides, not everything was related to the religion--I do not recall ever going to church on a holiday, and there were plenty of camping trips and birthdays.
However, as a witless, your options are limited. Every year is the same as every other year. You get the new circus year where everyone is hounded to pio-sneer. There is usually an a$$embly in the fall. You go through the winter slowdowns, where heavy rain and/or snow often prevent field circus or boasting sessions. Then, there is the REJECT Jesus Party and another a$$embly, with another pio-sneer drive. You have the Grand Boasting Session in summer, and every school vacation is marred with field circus through. You never actually get to do something that is worthwhile.
For these people, there are options. Especially if you have children, you need to get some tradition going. Ideally, this should include one big article, preferably a rite of passage as they get closer to adulthood, and numerous smaller articles. Christians, and many atheists and agnostics, can pick and choose their holidays. Resources and ideas as to what to do for Christmas and Easter are everywhere online, and you can make up more as you go. There are also birthdays--just don't cut someone's head off and serve it to the person whose birthday it is. You can also hook up with a regular church or a secular group, including school. Even Muslims have their pick of 5-7 holidays, and can set traditions around Eid Al Fitr, Ramadan, and the other major Muslim holidays (just don't go flying planes into buildings or blowing things up to force people into Islam).
If you wish to remain strictly secular, you can still make traditions. There are lots of ways to observe traditions without religion--Christmas is about gift giving, peace, taking time out to observe family, and making your place look pretty as much as about Jesus. There is the annual ritual of vacation when the Grand Boasting Session used to occupy. You can also start planting gardens (unless president Osama Obama signs S510 into law; that would outlaw private gardens by calling them "unauthorized farms" and requiring tracking procedures in the name of "food safety"). And there are other party ideas you could adopt--family friendly ones as well as those drunken parties that you hear so much about in the Washtowel rags. Even a simple trip to an amusement park or fair could become a tradition.
As for the one big one, there are countless options. Even without religion, you can pick and choose. College is typically the biggest of these rites of passage, and is a value even for this reason alone if you don't get a job in your field. Other possibilities are getting that first car, having a moving out party, or going online and finding out what you would like to do for this. There are countless options online, and you don't need religion to pick out one or more.
As for the witlesses, I do agree that their "traditions" and "rites of passage" are wimpy and pathetic.
