The Ever Hilarious Awake Magazine!

metatron

Thousands of years ago, Greek philosophers advised, "Know thyself". If the Watchtower Society had existed back then, they would now hold the record for the most un-self aware and oblivious to their faults - religion ever!

It's like shooting fish in a barrel. Check out "Watching The World" in the Oct. 2010 Awake. Headline: Irish Churches Without Priests? Wow, what an expose of the Catholic Church's waning influence...... er.... wait a minute!...... Isn't Ireland one of the nations in which the Watchtower is closing down the branch office because Witnesses don't donate enough money? Oh, and isn't the Watchtower currently begging for more brothers to 'reach out' and become elders because brothers keep resigning?

I would be remiss if I failed to mention the cover title, "Whom Can You Trust?" Well, how about the Awake magazine? Ooops! They were the guys who got people stirred up 40 years ago with "Is It Later Than You Think?" AND THE WORLD WENT ON AND NOTHING HAPPENED! Oh, and they were the geniuses who told high school students in 1969 that they would never "fulfill any career" this system has to offer and so shouldn't go to college! Really?

And how about the poor b*stards who listened to that advice and are now desperately trying to retire?

But wait there's more of this sort of laughable counsel in the recent Watchtower ( Nov.1, 2010) It tells Witness parents to talk plainly and often about sex to their kids. Here's a wonderful little gem to bring up to your adolescent:

"Many people today feelthat oral sex isn't really sex. Is that how your schoolmates feel?"

Oh, My God! And what exactly is this poor Witness kid supposed to offer as a reply??!! "Why yes, father, I know that getting a bl**j*b or eating p**** is something properly reserved for marriage!". Or how about, "Well, I was wondering about that and I have some follow up questions about what you and Dad do........."

The other hilarious aspect of this is that, since the article mentions oral sex more than once, I doubt that any normal, hormone-crazed teenager is going to be able to get the obsessive image out of his/her head. Good Luck with that approach, brothers! How did that Forbidden Fruit thing work out with Eve, anyway?

metatron

brotherdan

You're wrong about 1 thing, metatron. Oral sex is NOT reserved for marriage. It's a big no no. And WE ALL (including the elders that forbid you to) DO IT! YAY!!!

ziddina

Hah!!!!!! Thanks for posting that, Metatron!! I've got to come back in here later and check out peoples' replies!!! Zid

crazy2try

wt taught me plenty....

Chalam

But wait there's more of this sort of laughable counsel in the recent Watchtower ( Nov.1, 2010) It tells Witness parents to talk plainly and often about sex to their kids. Here's a wonderful little gem to bring up to your adolescent:

"Many people today feelthat oral sex isn't really sex. Is that how your schoolmates feel?"

Is it at all surprising that there are huge problems with pedophilia with the organisation?

If adult matters are discussed with young children present in the kingdom halls that is plainly wrong.

Blessings,

Stephen

Cook My Socks UK

*** w00 11/1 p. 8 par. 6 A Godly View of Moral Cleanness ***
Other sexual practices between individuals not married to each other, such as oral and anal sex and the sexual manipulation of another person’s genitalia, can also be designated as por·nei′a. All such practices are condemned—either explicitly or by implication—in God’s Word.—Leviticus 20:10, 13, 15, 16; Romans 1:24, 26, 27, 32.

I take this to mean that the “other sexual practices” between individuals that are married to each other is ok?

Mad Sweeney

For married couples it is a conscience matter. A sort of "don't ask, don't tell" thing. If an elder tells you differently, it must be written in his secret book margin in pencil.

TweetieBird

Mad - it's kind of like the voting thing. If your ) spouse forces you to do it, it becomes a matter between you and Jehovah. The elders do not have the right to police it, but it's still considered a big NO NO.

free2beme

Is this a new understanding on oral and anal. As, when I was in, both were considered acts that copied homosexual behavior. Although, I bet if Adam existed, he would have wanted a BJ and some backdoor action. LOL

Farkel

We used to promote Awake! (per a Circuit Overseer's instructions) as a "Science, News and Nature" magazine. If I were to promote it today, it would be as a "Quack Science, Rotten News and Stupid-Ass 'Nature' articles" magazine.

Even as a dub, I could see that "Watching the World" was really more about watching "all the crappy things in the world in order to promote the WT agenda, with a few positive articles inserted to appear objective."

That being said, and as crappy as it is, it is nothing compared to the rip-roaring hilarity of its progentors, first that quack-medicine promoting, wacko rag Clayton Woodworth loved so much: "The Golden Age" and the out-and-out in-your-face Rutherford propaganda machine "Consolation."

As you well know metatron, publishing magazines like Awake! and its ancestors (or any other new periodicals for that matter) was specifically forbidden by Chuck Russell in his Last Will and Testament.

Farkel

The Ever Hilarious Awake Magazine!

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