elder commits suicide.....need advice

Nat

Hey Everybody,
My sister-in-law's brother took his life Sunday afternoon. It has been devastating to her and her family. Anyone that has lost someone to suicide knows how difficult it is to experience. I lost my dad to suicide in 1996. I left the org. a couple of years ago, as many of you know, and I haven't been in contact with alot of my j.w. family. I am struggling on weather or not I should go to the funeral. My heart is breaking for all those effected by this, and I know all to well what they are going through. Should I go and offer compasion and forget about the whole witness thing and go to the funeral? I realize some will not want to approach me and some may not know what to do. Would it be best to show my respect by sending a card or flowers? I would really appreciate any feedback. I'm just torn and don't know what to do.

AlanF

Do what your heart tells you. Don't worry about the JW crap, just be there for your loved ones if that's what you'd really like to do.

AlanF

Mindchild

I agree with what Alan told you but I think it might do some good down the road for the survivors for showing up and letting people know you care. It is a tragedy in anyone's book and maybe it might get someone thinking that there is something really seriously wrong with that organization and perhaps one day they will open up enough to talk to you about it.

Kind Regards,

Skipper

Earnest

I also lost my dad to suicide, Nat, and without any reservation I would say Go. There is no need to say anything to anyone there. They will know how much it means for you to be there. A card or letter would also provide some comfort which it is not always possible to share at the time of the funeral.

Earnest

LB

Go You'll feel better about it. Forget the talk. Just do what you feel is best and it appears you want to go.

Never Squat With Yer Spurs On

Nat

Thanks everyone for your imput!!!! I appreciate it soooo much. The funeral is Sat. and I think I'll go. I think it's important also that other survivors of suicide show their support. I know what they are going through and I want to show my respect, regardless of the past and present situation with the j.w. thing. I also feel that it may be important that I deal with this also. I've know the family all my life. It may not seem real to me if I don't go. I also feel it's important to everyone to show their support in any way possible. There will be other non j.w. family members there that I can interact with if the j.w.'s don't feel comfortable talking to me. I've done alot of research on suicide since I lost my dad in 1996. Someone takes their life every 17 minutes in the United States and it continues to grow at an alarming rate. It's important to me for them to know that I care and that I am sorry for their loss. So as of this moment, I think that I'm going to go to the funeral. I really appreciate anymore advice and input on this. Thanks so much.

D wiltshire

Definitly Go.
Don't become a willing WT victim.
You will feel stronger for going, you face your WT instilled fears, and get a certain victory for going.

If someone lived a trillion X longer than you, and had a billion X more reasoning ability would he come to the same conclusions as you?

Sam Beli

Glad to hear that you are thinking of going. JWs need to learn (and a few will learn) that many non-JWs are caring compassionate people. Your presence and pleasant demeanor will show any doubters that you have not grown horns and that you do not carry a pitch fork since leaving the JW fold.

Sam Beli

I have seen all the works which have been done under the sun, and behold, all is vanity and striving after wind. What is crooked cannot be straightened and what is lacking cannot be counted. Solomon

Nat

update..........we have just found out that the arrangments were canceled. There will be no calling hours or services of any kind!!!
It was first said that the service would be held at the local funeral home due to the non j.w. family and friends. He was cremated Monday and his wife *a pioneer* has called everything off. That's all I know. We were wondering if anyone had experienced such a turn around and if anyone feels that it's connected to the j.w.'s view of suicide. I wonder if it was requested that his funeral be at the Kingdom Hall, but was refused. My mother was a j.w. and her funeral was at the Kingdom Hall. My father was not a witness and after his suicide, it was decided to have the funeral at the funeral home. I realize the stigma that comes with suicide and I also know how the org. likes to protect their environment. Well, I guess now, I don't have to worry if I should go to the funeral or not!!!

Scully

Nat,

I'm sorry to hear about your family's loss.

The fact that the talk was cancelled makes me wonder if the JWs have gone back to their old way of believing that someone who commits suicide should not be remembered because they disrespected the life that Jehovah gave them, or some such rubbish like that. In the early 90s I remember reading an article that it was inappropriate to judge someone in this manner, that only Jehovah knew what was in their heart, and that obviously someone who was so desperate and despondent that they felt that suicide was the only option left for them was someone who was not in their right mind. I was glad when that change came into effect.

Anyway, the problem of attending a memorial service is resolved... but I'm sure his widow and other family members would appreciate your support, even if only a card offering your condolences.

Love, Scully

It is not persecution for an informed person
to expose a certain religion as being false. - WT 11/15/63

A religion that teaches lies cannot be true. -WT 12/1/91

elder commits suicide.....need advice

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