Witness Funeral--to go ot not to go?

ValiantBoy

My 78 year old great-uncle is very ill and is expected to pass away within the next couple of days. He has been being receiving chemo for a few weeks (which he appeared to be responding to), but then he developed severe pneumonia and then had a massive heart attack a few days ago. He now has a blood infection, and his liver and kidneys have quit functioning. He has been on ventilator for several days and a balloon device of some sort has been making his heart beat. The doctors recommended to my aunt this morning that they shut down all the machines as there is apparently no hope of recovery.

Uncle Bill and Aunt Bess have been Witnesses since the 1950s and Uncle "Bill" served as an elder for many years. Their children are not witnesses; their daughter has been disfellowshipped since 1980. They have never shunned her. A couple of years ago they started associating fairly extensively with me as well (I am not disfellowshipped, but I am faded and openly live a life contrary to witness standards)--having me over for meals, inviting me camping, and once even having me meet them at a hall project site so that we could go to lunch (for which they were counseled). Uncle Bill was removed as an elder last year due to his association with disfellowshipped and non-witness family. He and Aunt Bess were disinvited from the KH building crew as well.

They did not stop associating with us; even last night Aunt Bess told me that Uncle Bill wishes he could have spent more time with me. They do, however, remain otherwise very devout and have remained very active Witnesses. Their congregation, despite the fact Bill was removed as en elder, is very good to them and has taken amazing care of them during Bill's illness. I am impressed.

Bill will be having a Witness funeral. I love him and his wife, my grandmother, my mom and most of my other Witness family. I do not want to disrespect them and I want to be there for them, especially Aunt Bess and my grandma. However, the last Witness funeral I went to was horrible. It was for my great-aunt Layla, a very wonderful woman who was a devout Witness for many years. Her funeral was used as an occasion to lecture her inactive and disfellowshipped family members and to basically have a membership drive for the local congregation. It was so bad that even my witness family (including Uncle Bill and Aunt Bess and my grandma) were offended; my grandmother even called the elder who presided over the service a "pompous ass." She was right and I am proud that she had the courage to say it.

So, do I go to Uncle Bill's funeral out of love for him and my family? Or do I spare myself the frustration and stay home? If I do skip, how do I handle it graciously so as not to add further sadness to Aunt Bess and my gandma?

Sorry for the long post; I'm a bit long-winded and I wanted to give the full backstory.

AudeSapere

Sometimes it's a loving gesture to endure frustrating situations.

It's just an hour or so; not like committing to attending meetings and field service for the next 5 years.

Given your close relationship with your aunt and uncle, and the frustration, embarrassment and loss of congregation status that they endured in order to show love and respect for you, I would think it highly appropriate to attend.

Shame on the speaker if he attempts to humiliate the DF'd attendees.

Be kind and loving to your family that has been so kind and loving to you.

-Aude.

cantleave

You love him, you want to show your last respects? Go!

breathing

will the frustration be worth it? or will not going be worth the regret? only you will no which would be harder to live with?

have had to make some decisions about jw stuff and its hard, but ive gone with what i will feel better about afterwards, never mind what any of those think of me, and ive zoned out in funeral talks where they just preach, and just said my only little giving of thanks for a person in my life and just thought of them and my personal relationship with them and honoured that,

Gayle

I hope you go and maybe take a non-JW friend with you. Funerals should set aside the differences and a time to show respect of the deceased life and goodness and with the people they loved.

Ding

Go.

If you know someone who is studying with the Witnesses, invite them along.

If they see a funeral turned into a bashing it might save them from joining the borg.

Hairyhegoat

My dad is a active JW and we are out 2 years , when he peggs it we have decided that we will not be going to his funeral at the kingdum hall. All the familily in can take the hit as they are all a bunch of aholes. My brother got married 2 years ago and no jw's came to it , and that was it for me and the other relatives asking why they dain't come.. I said it was you are in the world and you are going to die at the big A and they have been banned from your association as you are bad company and will lead them astray. They went mad at the 4 star hotel in the hilton kegworth england. It got very ugly and we were told to leave or the police would be called . What a good witness this was. My brother was difellowshiped 5 years ago so maybe this is why the trouble came about.

What a looving religion this is not

GrandmaJones

Of course go and support your family on this occasion, just as they supported you and their daughter. I think current funeral talks are already prescribed in a set format now, so perhaps that will not be an issue. Perhaps the congregation is more liberal since they have apparently not "marked" your Aunt and Uncle for their stand with regard to disfellowshipped one and inactive ones. They will need you comfort. If things get uncomfortable, just give your Aunt and your Grandma a sweet kiss, and tell them you love them, but you don't feel real welcome and you'll see them later, and then leave. I think it is a kindness on your part, but only you know what this congregation is like, and you must use your own judgement and not substitute mine for yours. You are in the position to know what is the very best thing you can do. I wish you all comfort in this very sad time.

Violia

More or less what everyone else has said, your uncle drew a line in the sand for you, now you should show him the same respect and attend his funeral. Wear ear plugs if needed. I got very good at zoning out at meetings, I bet you can make it for an hour.

Yes they do use the jws funeral for promotion of their hatefilled religion and to punish the DF and faders, but it is just an hour. After that walk out the door and shake the dust off your feet.

believingxjw

Do the loving thing. Your relatives will love you for it and you will have given back the love shown you by your uncle. Not every Witness would do what he did. Err on the loving side.

Peace to you and your family.

Witness Funeral--to go ot not to go?

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