What It’s All About
It’s All about Lurkers: There are at least three main types of Lurkers, 1. A JW with doubts, concerns, feeling that something is wrong with the religion, 2. An ex-JW who is caught between two worlds, and does not feel free yet to live a normal life, 3. A non-JW who is either involved with a JW, or a relative of a JW, or is in the middle of being studied with by the JWs.
Defining Moments: Everything we write, say, and do is observed by the Lurkers. In a single moment, or a series of collected comments, we will eventually cause a Lurker to have a defining moment ... a point in time where they decide that being a JW is not for them anymore, or that they can stop living between two worlds, or cease studying, and not join the religion. We may never know who we help, or how many.
Flame Wars and Character Attacks: When we get embroiled in these, whether we are the instigator or the brunt of the attacks ... what are we really doing? How will this affect Lurkers? Will they see that being a JW is not healthy for them? Or will they in a single moment decide that what ex-JWs have become is far worse than being a JW?
My Personal Goals: I am not proud of having been a JW. I am not happy that I brought many people into the religion. I think back about my first study, Bob and Cathy, and how he finally became an Elder, and his two of kids Reg. Pioneers. I see how they sacrificed what was at one time a happy and financially productive future for the false and misleading beliefs of the Watch Tower Society. Yes, I was ignorant, and preached what I believed ... but as a result, a family of three, and now grandchildren of theirs are all part of a religion that uses them. They won’t listen to me, for they shun me as an apostate.
So, in a way, I hope that by posting my experiences and views, I can make a difference for Lurkers ... I don’t have to know who, or how many, and I don’t need or ask for praise. The important thing is that something I contribute may help them have a defining moment, a moment that may mean the difference between a good normal life, and not one that robs them of their talents, careers, and ultimate happiness.
The Series Style: I like to take a topic and post a number of shorter aspects and angles ... not to be praised, or have someone hang on my words as alleged by some, but to elicit comments from others with similar or better experiences. The Justice Series became just that ... as many other ex-elders also contributed some of the JC experiences they had. How does this help Lurkers? They see that the problems with JW Justice is not confined to one ex-elder who may have had just one local set of problems, but they see that the problem is systemic of the religion ... and that their own observation are not because of their attitude as the Society would have them believe, but that their concerns are legitimate, real, and deserve their serious consideration as they contemplate the possibility of leaving or joining the religion.
My Exit Series: I have posted some short personal accounts before, and as comments to the threads of others. But I have never really given a detailed account. So as stated in my post yesterday, since it is close to my ten year mark, I thought that such a series would be good ... and would garner many similar valuable comments that contribute to what Lurkers are reading. They can see the struggles, the indecision, the doubts, the fears, the guilt, the pain, and the loss of what we encountered.
The Lurkers can see by our comments that we were not JWs who sat on the sidelines ... a kind of Jack-JW like there are Jack-Mormons. No, they can see they many hear spent 10, 20, 30 or more years as various levels as Reg., Pioneer, MS, Elder, and maybe some COs or DOs, and many who served a number of years at Bethel. They can see that we were true believers ... and that our leaving was at great price to ourselves, because we could no longer take the flaws of the system as something to be ignored. The flaws of the JW religion are far more serious, and at times seriously harmful or even deadly.
Information, Ideas, and Experiences: Information is very valuable, no question about that. But information by itself can be boring and dry. Yet, we see a great talent on this forum. Some are able to take the dry prophetic stuff, or sexual content like masturbation ... and with humor, make it come alive – and help someone lurking to grow. In a different style, we see some using irrefutable arguements, wading through a lot of material and posts sometimes very long expose’ on the false arguments, misleading information and at times pure lies that the Society tells. We see some who have are talented and have developed expertise in fields of psychology, and can add great benefit with their knowledge, ideas and analysis. Many give experiences ... so that the human aspect, the feelings, the struggle can be seen for what it is ... and Lurkers can take all these contributions and begin to see a complete picture.
Why Personal Attacks cause Harm: Most competent adults can see through personal attacks and arguments. And that is the case here on this forum well. The real concern that bothers me is not because I am attacked ... I am just a screen name, and when I go home at night ... the PC goes off ... and poof! It is behind me. Rather, what worries me is what a young person, maybe a 16, 17, or 18 year old who family are JWs, and they are not certain they really want the JW life. They do not as easily see through flame wars and character attacks. No, they have their whole life before them, and they are at a crucial moment of decision ... their mind is open. They are thinking, weighing, pondering, and observing.
Such type of Lurkers cannot buy Crisis of Conscience because Mom or Dad or siblings will get on their back about it. They cannot post here for fear that somehow they will be caught. But they can read and think and enjoy the privacy of their own thoughts. What we say, how we say it, what we talk about, and how we treat others may make the difference for just one of these young Lurkers or doubting JW. How crushing it would be to one day discover that something we said, or how we treated other posters contributed to a young adult or doubting JW sticking with the Watch Tower religion ... especially when all this could have been avoided ... we could have down the opposite ... but lost the opportunity because we felt it more important to fight, tear down, and get licks in on someone we don’t like.
My Sincere Desire: I just want to be a contributor to the good of others. I want to see doubting JWs make the leap to a normal life. I would love to know that a torn ex-JW can make the final leap to freedom. I want to see a young person seize their future and opportunities ... and not sacrifice their lives on an altar of lies and lost opportunities. Recently I noticed that there are 4,150 registered posters ... all who have something useful to say, to contribute, to share, and to make a difference. Not all feel comfortable doing that just yet ... and may never ... but many do.
Power in our hands: Recently, much was debated about power and the abuse of power by JW elders, and the lack of power by many JWs. Here, in this forum and others like it ... we have equalized the publishing power of the Watch Tower. In the stroke of a few keys we have access to information 24 hours a day ... at little or no cost, and we are using a type of media that the Watch Tower scorns, rather than embraces. Collectively, we have the power in our hands, to go around the Society, and get information, knowledge, and experiences out to people ... faster ... more efficiently ... and up to date. We have the power to make a difference ... as individual contributors and collectively as a kind of team ... and how we use that power, the wisdom we exercise, the care taken, can make a difference for a Lurker ... can be the defining moment that frees them, or condemns them. [8d}