Need Your Opinion

bloominglotus

Hi u guys,

Lately I've been doing a lot of reflection about my life. Sometimes I would have overwhelming emotions come up ranging from anger, bitterness, sadness to relief. My husband has really been there for me and today he told me he actually feel we are connected now particularly spiritually. I have been able to clearly see the difference as well. We both would rather not be associated with any religion because we simply feel that religion does nothing more than to try to put you in a box. I mean why do people have to claim a religion anyway? I suppose spirituality is like college....u have to declare a major....and that in order for one to be spirit'l u have to claim a religion...so they say

Well me and my mom have somewhat come to terms about a few things and to be honest we rarely talk about religion anymore. Well, there's been a few times she would bring up about how I have been feeling as far as my "spirituality" according to her. She offered to send a WT that talks about "negative" thinking. I kindly refused it and told her the measures I've been taking as far as coming at peace with myself and battling with depression have really been working. Since I am an herbalist, I have told her how a lot of herbs are aiding in my healing process emotionally,physically and mentally. There was no big fuss about it and we went on and talked about something else. But lately she's been talking about RVs, BSs and her experiences and to be honest I really dont want to hear about it. Its like I know how much her life is centered around this org and I know she has much zeal about what she do, so I really try not to burst her bubble lol and be quiet and "act" like Im listening. On the other hand, I am still in the healing process and frankly dont want to hear this brainwashing ya know? How would u handle this situation?

Also, before she got an earful of how I truly felt about the org., my husband and I planned on going somewhere out of town soon and my mom offered to watch the kids. Recently when I asked if she could still watch the kids, she reluctantly said yes. Then she said,"Well u know I go in service Sat. mornings so Im a have to bring the kids with me...and I dont know how u all (me and my husband) would feel about that.." It was an awkward silence at that point. I really didnt know what to say. On one hand, I appreciate her respecting my feelings. That definitely surprised me! On another hand, I had a few qualms about exposing my daughters to that type of stuff again. I mean bad enough I had them engaged in it with me a few times. I just dont want any type of thinking to rub off on them. I mean I know my mom means well but unfortunately her brainwashing seems to take precendece over a lot of things even if its inadvertently. On the other hand, its been awhile since she's seen her grandkids and she loves them dearly and I really want them to have that relationship with their granny and grandpa. Well after the awkward silence, for some strange reason I ended up saying that its fine that they can accompany u. Now Im not too sure if I made the right decision. I need your opinion on how to handle this please...

Satanus

It's so easy for wt fears to get into little ones' heads, hard to calm them, afterwards. If she likes being w them so much, why doesn't she do something the kids like doing instaed?

S

3dogs1husband

My gut is NO! NEVER! However you know your mom, is she going to instill the fear/brainwashing whatever they do? (go to a park or out in service) You want them to know her and love her they way you do, I GET that. I recently and finaly had a chat with my mother about the "real" reasons for our fading, and my main reason is our plans to have children. Is your mom planning on the tea and coffee RV type of service or the car load door to door with other JW's. I KNOW my mom lives on HOPE the slightest little thing i do "truthwise" can make her giddy for weeks... oh crap this sucks sorry.

Lozhasleft

Hi there bloominglotus - I can only speak from my own experience....if I hadnt gotten involved with the Org in the first place I wouldnt be sitting here today estranged from my five adult kids because of their 'rules'. So for me the further away you keep them, the better. Have a heart to heart with your mother about your feelings and commend her for her consideration about taking them in FS....tell her she was right and that on reflection you agree it wouldnt be good for them .... you have to lay the ground rules down somewhere if you want to protect them...?

Loz x

oldlightnewshite

When I was a child, given the choice of going in field service or standing in the corner of a darkened room for 3 hours.... I'd take the corner. Just think of your kids. I would give them happy memories of their grandma, not traumatic. Make their together time free of JW overtones. Otherwise, they'll have sullied memories of a grandma that they couldn't relate to.

x

William Penwell

I will tell you what I told my nephew, if you want your mother to respect your wishes then you have to respect her wishes. You cannot expect her to stop doing what she wants to do i.e. going out in service, so if you don't want your children to go out sevice than you will have to find another babysitter. I think that she was good about telling you that if you leave your children with me, they will have to go out in the service, unless they are old enough to be left alone for a few hours Saturday morning.

cyberjesus

think about it..... who do you want to teach you children sat mornings?

cyberjesus

think about it..... who do you want to teach you children sat mornings?

Black Sheep

Before you leave your children with her without your supervision, you need to teach them critical thinking skills.

Go to the library and get a book along the lines of this one.

Teach Your Child How to Think

Knowing what I know now, I would not leave my kids in the home of a member of any high control group unless I was confident that they had the nounce to recognise them for what they are.

Cheers

Chris

MMXIV

Hi bloominglotus,

She agreed to look after them and now wants to take them on FS. She has manipulated the situation here and however nice she is being, it isn't nice. She's trying to

a) state her religion means a lot to her and that it's more important than a simple agreement she made to help you out

b) use the fact she's doing a favour for you into getting something back that she wants - to help recruit your girls - that's manipulative

What harm can it do? In reality probably very little if it is a one off. But next time she wants to see them it will involve another JW recruiting situation, a meeting or a JW social do.

You are the parent, and get to decide what is appropriate for your girls. Say that you're happy for them to stay at the house but not FS or meetings. Ask your mum to skip FS this week. If she isn't happy with that then try to get a babysitter (as tricky or expensive as that may be). Be sure to allow your children to see their grandma - but under your supervision - make an arrangement soon to make up for it.

This may sound like a strong line, but you are already not comfortable about this. Start how you mean to go on. If you let it happen once you won't be able to say no the next time. And there will be a next time.

Glad to hear you're health is improving. Keep good people around you and remember - think self preservation - if you need to be a little impolite or rude to protect your wellbeing and your daughters - do it.

mmxiv

PS 3dogs1husband - Welcome - great name

Need Your Opinion

Share this