Lee, I cried too.
The anger, I still believed all of it when I got kicked out. It took me 17 YEARS to figure it out.
My column today on Freeminds - Being Disfellowshipped
by Lady Lee 30 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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ziddina
Wow, Lady Lee...
You went from an absolute hell to a self-reliant, strong woman. What an inspiration!!! Congratulations on getting out and making a wonderful person out of your formerly abused, former cult self!!!
This part...
"... One question they kept asking me was why I hadn't ever talked to an elder about any of this. I remember sitting there and thinking, "But no one would have helped me." I was sure of that. I knew they wouldn't have listened. I didn't need to go spill my guts only to have them pat me on the head and tell me to be a better wife. ..."
Sounds SOOOO familiar!!!
My JW husband wasn't physically abusive - er, well... It turned out that he WAS abusive to his four older JW sistes; when he lived with them [prior to our meetng and marriage] he would hit and threaten them in order to get their paychecks so that HE could control the money because HE was the "man" of the house...
He tried hitting me once. [I have mentioned before; my parents' brutality, especially my father, who hit/kicked/slapped/insulted me practically every week, frequently more often, supposedly while "training" me in the "Christian" Jehovah's Witness religion...]
When I got away from home, I swore I would NEVER go thru that again!! So, the first time that the schmuck JW husband tried hitting me, I picked up a rifle - HE was the one who insisted on buying them, by the way - I picked up one of his rifles and pointed it at him, and told him that if he EVER did that again, I would KILL him!!!
He never raised his hand to me again.
But he DID go play pool all the time, gambled for beers, went off and was a ski-bum for months at a time - abandonment - leaving me the choice of either joining him and sleeping in his van - in the winter - or obtaining employment and renting a house and maintaining my own household - which he took advantage of whenever it suited him. He didn't contribute much to the situation either; he considered it to be "un-Christian rebellion" on MY part to insist on living in a house instead of living like a construction-worker gypsy - which is what HE was....
The very, very few times that I DID go to the elders, they basically patted me "on the head and [told] me to be a better wife..." They kept telling me that they couldn't do ANYTHING about his behavior unless HE went to THEM for counselling [like THAT would ever happen!!!], so all they could do, according to them, was "counsel" - in reality, BLAME - me.
I eventually went the "one-night-stand" route, too. The elders in my congregation were more compassionate, though. I was put on "public reproof", because I went ahead and insisted on a divorce - and interestingly, in my situation, too, the JW hubby was willing to "forgive" me and take me back - continue on as we had been!!!
Unlike Lady Lee, however, when I finally got my head clear of the Watchtower propaganda - and regained my sense of mischief and humor - I realised that I could have had SO MUCH FUN with that!!! I would have LOVED to have been flexible and free enough to have made up some highly imaginative and excessively salacious account of a 'sexual encounter' that would have brought the marriage to an end - and I would have been free to laugh up my sleeve at the ex-husband and the elders!!!
But that's just me...
Zid
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Lady Lee
wasblind
no there is no justice. They don't get it. Anyone can sit there and shed a few tears and say they are sorry and according to the elders they are remorceful - end of story. They have judged his heart as if they have the power to do that.
Almost 2 years after we divorced he married a new sister in the hall who had two daughter who were 2 years younger than our daughters. The people in the cong must have been saying how due to his faithfulness Jehovha had given him what he lost when I left. After 10 years she committed adultery to get away from him too.
If they had been smart they could have prevented another women from going through the same thing I did.
Good for your mom. She got out and showed you there was a better way.
GrandmaJones
Courage. I think we do what we have to do to survive. If telling my story helps one person it is worth oit. And I know over the years many have been helped so I just keep telling. Thank you
dinah
Sometimes it does take us a long time to figure out. When I left there was no support like the internet. There was nothing. When this site started 11 years ago it was a pro-JW site so even this would not have been the support it has been for the last 10 years and that is onl;y if you are on the internet and willing to look up some websites that talk about JWs.
Most of us were isolated and still believed the WTS' beliefs about us - that we were sinners not worthy to be associated with. What crap. The WTS was protecting itself in case we did find out the truth about them and tried to expose them.
Thank gawd we are free finally
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ziddina
Lady Lee...
"... The people in the cong must have been saying how due to his faithfulness Jehovha had given him what he lost when I left. After 10 years she committed adultery to get away from him too. ..."
LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!
So, did the elders ever get a clue...???
Zid
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Lady Lee
OMG zid - sleeping in a van in the winter? crazy but they would have insisted on the submission route and that everything would be okay if you knew your place.
I could not believe he thought I would go to all that trouble to get away from him only to have him say"I forgive you. Let's stay together"
I would have had to be insane to stay
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Lady Lee
No I don't think they did. They DFed her and he was still in good standing - poor man twice he has had terrible wives
I think there was a bit of real justice though. I was a very meek person who rarely spoke up. Wife #2 was hell on wheels and they fought all the time.
Sometimes if you just sit back and wait fate has a way of making payback for you
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ziddina
"Sometimes if you just sit back and wait fate has a way of making payback for you..."
Oh, yes, Lady Lee! I have a sneaking suspicion that Wifey #3 might be a murderous sociopath who will know how to play the "game" better than he does, and bumps him off for the insurance money....
NOT that I'd wish anything EEEEEEVIL on him, mind you....
My ex is probably dead by now - or living in his mother's trailer in Iowa...
Serves him right...
Zid
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wasblind
Zid,
has anyone told you lately how eeeevil minded you are
you have the mind of the Devil
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Lady Lee
He swears all woemn are evil and refuses to marry again
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Lady Lee
of course he is fine - the elders told him so
and a couple of years ago he told me he has forgiven me for committing adultery