marrying a jw

dorian

hi i really need some help on this i would like to marry a jw female and she is disfellowshiped her family wants her to be reinstated and so do i but i would like to marry her also any help at all

The key question here is what does your girlfriend herself want? If she gets reinstated, then you will become the target of endless conversion attempts, from all different angles, from now till the end of time. Her religion will dominate her life, and prevent her from celebrating normal holidays and birthdays, and will impose a barrier between any children you may have and other children they know. Her preaching and meeting activity will take precedence over anything else, it's pretty much required by the faith.

If she doesn't want to get reinstated into JW's, please don't force it. It will be a source of contention between her and her family, but at least you'll be able to have a more normal relationship and life.

I don't know enough to really get more specific, perhaps I said too much already.

GopherWhy shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.
Mark Twain (1835-1910)

LB

So what kind of help do you need? How can we help you?

First of all just dating a disfellowshipped witness isn't going to speed up the reinstatement process. It may slow her down in that area.

Still I know many dfed people who have married outside of the faith and been reinstated at a later date.

Just not sure what you're looking for here. My take on it would be to run if she returns to being a witness. But I don't know your or her. No idea of what's best in your situation.

Never Squat With Yer Spurs On

dorian

heres the thing we have been seeing eachother for about a year now and she was disfellowshipped becasue she told them about me then her family got in on it we were in a sense unseparble i am 20 and she is 19 i at one time was interested in studying the religion so now i am at a stand still i dont know what to do or where to go i am not pushing the issue of her being reinstated but she would like to be becasue her family is disapointed so there is taht enough info?

nelly136

perhaps she was dating you to get away from the religion/cult,
for her to return it will probably mean giving you up in order
to show the required repentance level to get back in.

nelly

LB

Dorian I know a couple of jw women that married their "worldly" boyfriends and then got reinstated before long. If you plan to marry her anyway then you can do that and it would help her reinstatement.

The two of you are still young, I don't encourage anyone to get married at your age. Many do but the majority will have problems.

Sometimes what happens to these women or men that get DFed is that they will get reinstated (to see family) and then quietly fade away from the religion. It's something that will allow them to see family and friends.

I wish you the best Dorian, but please don't join yourself. It's a very controlling cult. It has ruined many lives. Look how sad your girlfriend and her family aren. Many are much worse off.

Never Squat With Yer Spurs On

indireneed

The fact is, it all depends on what the ex-JW wants out of life. A real JW would not marry a non-JW. It is forbidden, although it happens a lot.
If you marry, and your significant returns to the fold, then your life will become very difficult. You will have to learn either to be JW or you will have to come to terms with completely opposite world views.

If you marry, and your significant other does not want to return, then your marriage will likely be strengthened by the fact that they made a decision to be with you rather than with an organization.

Just remember, it all depends on whether you feel marriage is right. If so, go for it. Talk about it first though - lay the ground rules. Explain that you will never by a JW and thus if he or she returns, you will have no part of it. That way, it is clear up front. And mention you will not let you kids be raised JWs.

indireneed

If the worst were to happen and your mate would return to the fold, your isolation will depend on the congregation in question. I spent a lot of time going to meetings with my wife before I decided I couldn't stand it any longer. However, they elder who we were friends with is still a geniunely nice person to me and listened to my reasons calmly and cooly. He is an excellent person, and I stopped going without a bad taste in my mouth as many others have.

Just remember, that it is a religion, although very controlling, and there are good and bad people. Just be ready and understand all the intricacies of what they will try and get you to sign in on.

Some advice - sit down and read Crisis of Conscience together. Plus, read a few other books together that take a neutral view on JW history. Don't read inflammatory, hearsay books, as they might convince your mate that everyone is out to 'persecute' the JWs.

Firm yourself up - it's better to understand first than to understand too late. I scrwed up - I didn't understand what my wife was getting into, and now I will pay for a long time. Hopefully, in the end, things will get better. But its a hard struggle.

butalbee

Dorian--------RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

dorian

well i dont know really what else to say all i know is that when we are toghether she feels guilty of displeasing god and that just talking to me is displeaseing her god and she has this fear that something bad will happen i am really just trying to understand how raveled her mind is or how to unravel it or something then her mother said why dont i just get her pregnant then she would have to marry me but besides that the mother cheated on the father and the are witnesses and the father cant divorce the mother becasue he waited to long to find talk to the quote on quote brothers and now he cant but thats besides the point any info??

marrying a jw

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