Need advice on nasty ex-spouses

by mamalove 11 Replies latest social family

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  mamalove

  Need some advice from anyone with a nasty ex please. Mine is a bitter, nasty JW, who has a very small IQ, low self esteem, bad temper, and upset he got dumped and rejected basically to sum it all up. So anytime we have to deal with each other on a topic such as the kids, doctor visits and stuff like that, he texts me nasty little digs and insults my parenting and tries to pump himself up to be superdad. The truth is we both are good parents who don't neglect our children's general care and welfare, but he hates me so much that I think it makes him feel really good to try and insult me.

  I would love to lash back and tell him what a total dumbass I think he is, but I know it won't do any good and will just start the cycle of hurling hate back and forth. He really started in on it today big time and I am just shaking. I actually called my police department to see what the guidelines are for harassing text messages. His stuff is more insulting rather than threatening my life or safety.

  He is so immature he tried to say that he is a better parent because he took the kids to a certain doctor more than me over the last 2 years, but I took them to other doctors and dentists more than him over the same period of time, so its kind of funny to me that he is keeping a count and telling me I am more concerned on my own pursuits than the kids. Then he calls me a liar all the time over dumb stuff, like I will tell him that he said such and such and he denies it and tells me I am a liar. I know he said things because I remember the time, place, etc. It's like he feels soooo good saying these things to me and it does get the better of me because I know he did say them,and I know I take good care of my kids.

  Why do people feel the need to make digs? Does it make themselves feel better because they are angry? How can I stop it? When do ex's simmer down and let things go? I NEVER insult him, and just keep things business. I have no need to make him feel bad over anything. I can't bring myself to hurl stuff back at him, I know it is wrong but I would love to stop him in his track and say something snappy to get him to shut his mouth. Any ideas? Thanks!
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  mrsjones5

  He's pushing your buttons about your kids cuz he knows that's where he can hurt you. You have to get to a point where what he says doesn't matter or hurt you. I have a book to suggest:

  

  Here's the preview on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Nasty-People-Jay-Carter/dp/076072766X I'm sure you'll recognize your ex-spouse in the preview.
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  Magwitch

  Do not lower yourself to his level. Keep everything professional as if he was your (jackass) business partner. He is doing this because he is hurt and does not like himself. He will move on, the pain and hurt starts to fade after a couple of years. Appreciate that he is trying hard to be a good father. In fact, you may want to tell him how much you appreciate that your children have such a loving, responsible father.

  In the old family book, a question is asked to a family psychiatrist..."What is the greatest thing I can do for my children" the answer was "Love their Mother"..........You may want to remind him of that. "
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  wiser

  He is a JW and he has hate and bitterness? My I thought the Jws, are Gods people and don't habor these type of feelings!
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  Think About It

  Mine is a bitter, nasty JW, who has a very small IQ, low self esteem, bad temper, and upset he got dumped and rejected basically to sum it all up.......he texts me nasty little digs........ He really started in on it today big time and I am just shaking. I actually called my police department to see what the guidelines are for harassing text messages. His stuff is more insulting rather than threatening my life or safety.

  Make it clear that such behavior is unacceptable and if he doesn't stop you are going to block his texts. If he does it again block his texts and that will drive him nuts. See what the guidelines of a DVP are, in case he gets worse. Too bad he's being ugly.

  Think About It
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  JeffT

  Remember, 1/2 of who your children are came from him. You can't do anything about what he does but you can do something about your response to it. Make sure your children don't see both of you sinking into the slime.
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  FlyingHighNow

  I have a policy about all former husbands and boyfriends: I treat them like gold. I am sweet and respectful. No matter what. They end up coming around and telling everyone they could kick themselves a million times for ever letting me get away. Even my JW ex, he deeply respects me nowadays.

  If you're sweet to him without let up, he will eventually see you as sweet.
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  LisaRose

  My ex still refers to me (to my kids) as "your mother, the whore". I did leave him and married somone else, but did not fool around while we were married. He has ruined his relationship with his kids because he can't get past the bitterness. It's very sad really. Fortunately our children were grown before I left him, so I didn't have to ever deal with him.
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  FlyingHighNow

  My ex still refers to me (to my kids) as "your mother, the whore".

  Train them to say, "You say that like it's a bad thing. *Wink* " He gets enough of that, it will lose its effect.
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  Aussie Oz

  mamalove...

  i have a nasty bitter ex. A real evil mean streak of a woman. She has single handedly put more people off the witnesses than i could ever hope to!

  Bear in mind though that sort of thing is more of a typical relationship aftermath...not limited to JWs.

  It always puzzled me though that my so called true christian ex harbours visible tangible hate and bitterness. My new wife concludes that the ex must be having really crap sex for the last ten years for her to remain so pissed off at me!

  You simply can do nothing about it. A wise friend sent me an email once that said that life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we choose to handle it. We cannot change that some people are arsholes mama, but we can chose to ignore, turn the other cheek, be the better person, stay calm etc.

  Now, i'll admit that can be a real big challenge!

  Why is it that the one who left, the one who may be an apostate or have become an athiest has to 'out christian the christian'?

  Let me tell you from my story, that the kids as they grow older DO see both parents for what they are. In my case, they now see a mother who they do not trust, do not want to be like, a mother who has no sense of humor and is a lying control freak. They see a father who is happy, well adjusted, loves them unconditionally and will always have their back. They do see a father who has been lied to and minipulated against.

  For the most part i have a little dummy spit in private and let it go. If it's big stuff, now i just slap her with my lawyer. Now days i have a dont fuck with me attitude when it comes to the kids visitation, and i call the big gun if she messes with it.

  I could go on a list all the wickedness she has done, and i mean wickedness not just bitchyness... but perhaps another time for that.

  hang in their Mamalove

  oz