Nothing spectacular but you may relate to some of my emotions.
It was nearly 5 years ago now. I had almost left twice before but changed my mind at the last minute. This time I knew it was for real. I had made my mind up, leading up to this particular weekend. I knew that the Sunday meeting was going to be my last.
Although I was extreemly anxious about my wifes reaction & that of my friends, I really had made my mind up.
I went to a football game on the Saturday which meant that I missed a JW wedding. I was pleased to miss the wedding but I had to go along to the 'party' at night. My wife had went to the KH for the ceremony, I was at the football. Happy as a pig in shit I was.
No longer did I have to looka round at thousands of people & be confused and upset about the possibility of God killing them all one day soon. That was why I had left the org. I had concluded that there wasn't a god & that even if there was, he wouldn't do such a horrendous thing.
I just sat there at that football game absolutely loving it. It was like being there when I was a kid. The pressure was off. I felt like a weight had been finally lifted off my shoulders. Freedom tasted great. My team won the match.
So, later on I went off to the 'party'. I was there in body only. I looked around at some people. The nice genuine ones whom I would miss & the absolute arseholes who had contributed to making my life a misery. Judgemental, pious, horrible arseholes. I exchanged nice words with some people then left a few hours later. This would be my last JW function.
The next day, Sunday, I got up. That night, I would break the news to my wife. I don't know why but I wasn't bothered about going to the meeting. I just went. I sat there with my head hanging down. Listening to this stuff that had made me so pessimistic, deressed & anxious. I no longer felt those emotions. I was just numb to it all. I looked around at all the familiar faces. Inside, I was shaking my head at everyone & everything.
Why had I let this religion do this to me? Why had I let it harm my happy 17 year old mind?
Ten years later, and this was it! It was over.
I got up at the end having not answered all meeting. At this point I was a m/s & had been very active in our hall. I was supposed to be overseeing the book counter. I just got up & walked out. A couple of people asked me if I was ok. I said yes. I got in the car with my wife & kids & drove home.I knew that I had walked out of the kingdom hall for the very last time. Inside my elation was tempered with the fact that I had an enormous job on my hands to let everyone know. I dreaded this.
I was so anxious.
But, I was free! The mental bonds that I had been kept in by that religion were gone. I dindn't feel angry or anything at this point. That all came later.
I just felt free. Free, free, free!
Later on I was told all sorts by my JW friends. The most cutting remark was being told that my actions showed that 'I didn't love my kids.' My kds are my life. How could anyone say this? An act of desperation on their part? Maybe. But deeply insulting.
The years have came & gone with a number of trials & upsets. The thing I protect & cherish through it all is my mental freedom.
Don't be slaves to something that is doing you harm. I was an inch away from suicide at one point in my life. All because of the teachings of the JW religion. I nearly lost my life.
Now, I embrace life & live it to the full.
Be happy. Life is to short.