by headisspinning 113 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse
Wow! This site and this thread contain some of the truest displays of love as I've ever seen. We're not perfect but by God when we put our mind to it we can be helpful, loving and kind.
To Headisspinning and anyone else who needs it - we hear you, we understand and we are ready to listen.
The Witnesses are very clear what conduct they will not condone. Their conduct is consistent with their rules. Perhaps you could emphasize your very young age of marriage and whether anyone can make an informed decision at that age. My cousins and members of the congregation were dedicated around twelve or thirteen. My mother forbade it. She said we could decide in her twenties. Having been baptized at thirteen, she said she knew her actions would have different. Knowing the Witnesses, however, they probably feel five is old enough.
Jesus would never endorse leaving one spouse for another. My readings of Jesus, however, consistently show him reaching out to the outcasts of Jewish society. He forgave without ever endorsing the conduct. His behavior is in marked contrast to the shunning imposed by the Witnesses.
My hunch is that you wish to please your families and friends. Leaving the Society is scary because you probably have been isolated from the real world. Altho hardly perfect, I can assure that this earth and creation is good. God created it. I simply could not put up with Witness teachings, but more importantly their nonJesus like behavior when I was thirteen. I was literally dragged to the Kingdom Hall, where I was publicly pinched and kicked by my father. He died soon thereafter. My world was transformed when I started college. It was so painful to adapt. I can heartily say it was worth it and more so.
Your being (yes, being) is telling you that there is a divergence between your beliefs of God and Witness conduct. Hate the sin but love the sinner is the expression. They might like some acknowledgement of the wrongness of your actions -- if you believe them wrong.
The Witnesses are very clear what conduct they will not condone. Their conduct is consistent with their rules. Perhaps you could emphasize your very young age of marriage and whether anyone can make an informed decision at that age. My cousins and members of the congregation were dedicated around twelve or thirteen. My mother forbade it. She said we could decide in her twenties. Having been baptized at thirteen, she said she knew her actions would have different. Knowing the Witnesses, however, they probably feel five is old enough.
Jesus would never endorse leaving one spouse for another. My readings of Jesus, however, consistently show him reaching out to the outcasts of Jewish society. He forgave without ever endorsing the conduct. His behavior is in marked contrast to the shunning imposed by the Witnesses.
My hunch is that you wish to please your families and friends. Leaving the Society is scary because you probably have been isolated from the real world. Altho hardly perfect, I can assure that this earth and creation is good. God created it. I simply could not put up with Witness teachings, but more importantly their nonJesus like behavior when I was thirteen. I was literally dragged to the Kingdom Hall, where I was publicly pinched and kicked by my father. He died soon thereafter. My world was transformed when I started college. It was so painful to adapt. I can heartily say it was worth it and more so.
Your being (yes, being) is telling you that there is a divergence between your beliefs of God and Witness conduct. Hate the sin but love the sinner is the expression. They might like some acknowledgement of the wrongness of your actions -- if you believe them wrong.
The Witnesses are very clear what conduct they will not condone. Their conduct is consistent with their rules. Perhaps you could emphasize your very young age of marriage and whether anyone can make an informed decision at that age. My cousins and members of the congregation were dedicated around twelve or thirteen. My mother forbade it. She said we could decide in her twenties. Having been baptized at thirteen, she said she knew her actions would have different. Knowing the Witnesses, however, they probably feel five is old enough.
Jesus would never endorse leaving one spouse for another. My readings of Jesus, however, consistently show him reaching out to the outcasts of Jewish society. He forgave without ever endorsing the conduct. His behavior is in marked contrast to the shunning imposed by the Witnesses.
My hunch is that you wish to please your families and friends. Leaving the Society is scary because you probably have been isolated from the real world. Altho hardly perfect, I can assure that this earth and creation is good. God created it. I simply could not put up with Witness teachings, but more importantly their nonJesus like behavior when I was thirteen. I was literally dragged to the Kingdom Hall, where I was publicly pinched and kicked by my father. He died soon thereafter. My world was transformed when I started college. It was so painful to adapt. I can heartily say it was worth it and more so.
Your being (yes, being) is telling you that there is a divergence between your beliefs of God and Witness conduct. Hate the sin but love the sinner is the expression. They might like some acknowledgement of the wrongness of your actions -- if you believe them wrong.
I still believe the Truth and I love Jehovah... I just dont' understand how the people can be so self-righteous, controlling and judgmental.
Because unfortunately, Witnesses are just as self-righteous, controlling and judgemental as the biblical Pharisees they love to bash. What you described of your own and your husbands' history is not uncommon nor is their reaction. 'Worldly' people who are victims of sexual abuse are encouraged to seek professional counselling to help them through the trauma. Since Witnesses are taught to view professional therapists and counsellors as being part of 'Satan's world', most Witnesses who have suffered sexual abuse in the past do not get the help they need. Plus, the elders are not trained to deal properly with victims of sexual abuse and therefore, they will generally offer no sympathy or support as you discovered. Instead, the focus was only on the 'adultery' and that's where it will remain.
The elder was right on one thing: It would probably be years before you would be reinstated and even then, you'll have people who will never speak to you again as long as you live. This happened in my old congregation several years ago. The PO left his wife for a younger pioneer sister who also left her husband and kids. They both got the Axe and I think it took something like 5 or 6 years before they got reinstated. He actually phoned me in the summer time (he needed my dad's phone number) and he told me that people he's known for 35 years still will not speak to him.
In a nutshell, Witnesses today do not, for the most part, practice the compassion, the love or the forgiveness that Jesus did. As you are the recipient of their judgemental non-Christian attitude.
I have no interest in 'apostasy'. I am just so upset.
Hmmm......You think the Pharisees viewed Jesus as an 'apostate'? You better believe they did. I would strongly advise that your husband get professional counselling to help him through the hell he's living through. You may also want to consider getting marriage counselling to help you both support each other since the congregation can't be bothered to.
Best of luck to you and I hope you come back on the board.
Everything that can be said has been said. Sorry you fell the need to leave. Hopefully I can tell you my JWS experence and give you something to think about.
I came here about five years ago. Within 2 weks reconected with an old friend. We hadn't seen, nor talked with each other for over 25 years. Yet, it was like we hadn't seen each other for a few days only. Commomn bound, being ex-jws. Now here's the thing, something you will not find, or be able to do in a kh anywhere. We dont always agree on different subjects, however we respect each others views to the point of it makiing no difference in our relationship. That is unconditional love and a deep respect for each other. He is my friend. I care about his feelings and how he feels, regaurdless of his views.
Now, try that as a jw. It won't work. YOU CANNOT HOLD ANY VIEWS OR IDEAS CONTRAY TO OFFICAL WTBTS BELIFES. To do so leads to df.
I wish you and your husband the very best. I hope both of you will get the proffesenal help needed and stay with it for peace of mind and the sake of your child.
Undoubtedly, this is a classic case of Stockholm Syndrome, the abused loving the abuser. Some of her statements reflect this diagnosis. Fortunately, there is a way out as evidenced by many posters on this thread expressing unequivocal support to this unfortunate victim of a very serious and, clearly speaking, a deadly cult sect. Like what some have already advised, I strongly encourage her to join her husband during therapy sessions as it seems, she sounds as if she is or has been or continues to be an emotional wreck. Acting much early by retraining her mental faculties with such ground breaking writings such as Ray Franz's Crisis of Conscience as well as, talking to our highly respected Lady Lee for example, will help this troubled sister to regain her sanity to a large extent, and be what she is or what to be. Good luck
Scott77
I too am a survivor. I just can't see why this would be a difficult thing to just say "f--k this". Why do you give them so much control. Who the hell are they? This just makes me mad that they are allowed to treat you this way. Is this the love that Jesus said would identify them as his followers? Not a tough question to answer. I'm not in your shoes, but I have problems as well. If at all possible, just live your life the way that it is best for "your family" and continue the therapy because it may be a long way to what was a normal life. I'll be praying for you and your family.
I'm back!! You said it would happen and it did!!
** waves **
