Update:Elders still using passive/agressive & Confrontation with JW mom

by Coffee House Girl 12 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Coffee House Girl
    Coffee House Girl

    Well, I am glad my brother called and forwarned me this was comming...I got to come on here and get so much good advise from you people luv ya!

    It actually started Friday nite....my door bell was buzzing at 7pm, this time they parked their car so that they thought I couldn't see it but I climbed up my kitchen counter and could see the rear end of the car by peeking out that window. It was the same elder as before.

    An hour after that: must be mom couldn't stand it anymore & she called me crying

    CHG: mom...whats wrong?

    mom: are you seeing him?

    CHG: what are you talking about mom?

    mom: the elders talked to me and said that they know you are seeing him and his car is there all the time, and they keep knocking and you refuse to answer them and you have some books listed on your myspace about cults?

    CHG: whoa whoa whoa mom...who are you talking about?

    mom: him.....the guy that owns the coffee shop...are you seeing him, is he staying there?

    CHG: first of all, mom, I love you...I am so sorry that they elders have upset you. I have done nothing wrong. I am alone in my apartment right now (not a lie, CSG was working), there is no one staying here.

    mom: what about the cars, they say he has changed his car & drives a different one now?

    CHG: I don't know what you are talking about, there are at least three cars here at this apartment house. If the elders are trying to disfellowship me there is no evidence because I have done nothing wrong.

    mom: are you seeing him?

    CHG: I don't know what you are talking about, I wrote you a letter a year ago explaining my reasons for not comming to meetings. My lifestyle has not changed since that letter was written (thats the truth).

    mom: so you are not seeing him?

    CHG: No mom, you know and you have seen that when someone stops going to meetings lots of rumors start swirling around & people jump to conclusions.

    mom: yea, so I will call the elders now and talk to them.

    CHG: No mom, I would like to handle this myself/my way.

    mom: What does your way mean?

    CHG: it means my way. Mom I love you very much, I am so sorry that the elders hurt you like that.

    mom: I love you too. I am so releaved, I have been sick with worry.

    CHG: I want you to try and relax and get some sleep. I will see you tomorrow.

    I will continue with part two. I am so glad I was calm and composed, I think my clear calm tone really helped to calm her down. By the end it didn't sound like she was crying.

    CHG

  • OnTheWayOut
    OnTheWayOut

    If they don't bug off, the DocBob type of letter might work. Mention how what they are doing might be considered "stalking."

  • flipper
    flipper

    COFFEE HOUSE GIRL- Hey friend, thanks for posting an update. I enjoyed talking with you last night. It appears the elders are doing a full court press on your mom, driving her crazy with their oppressive tactics, Yes, they are good at that. You handled your conversation with her beautifully. Very caring, loving - yet at the same time relieving her mind by your calm tone. Good job. The comment she made about your Myspace account having books on cults ? Apparently the elders checked your " Myspace " account ? Bastards. Well, hey, there's nothing wrong with reading about cults. Just tell your mom you are trying to protect yourself if she brings it up again. That you are concerned some other cults may try to twist your thinking ! LOL ! Your mom sounds like she trusts you, so it will work.

    It sounds like you calmed your mom down. You were brilliant. So hopefully your mom will just tell the elders what your conversation was and hopefully the elders will drop it. Hang in there , keep us updated

  • Broken Promises
    Broken Promises

    It makes me angry that they are hassling your mum like this. Cowardly bastards!!

  • Coffee House Girl
    Coffee House Girl

    Thanks Flipper for all your help and support to Coffee Shop Guy and myself!

    Broken Promises- my thoughts exactly & they are just fueling my fire to fight for the right to help my mom :)

    CHG

  • tellthetruth
    tellthetruth

    Hi,

    I realise I don't know your situation, but have you thought of just telling everyone the truth? Your mom, the elders, and yourself and just move on with life? I am sure you will feel better after doing that. You accuse the elders of not doing the right thing, but aren't you lying about it?

    Anyway, I hope things go well for you.

  • darkuncle29
    darkuncle29

    Everyone's life is different: who is anyone to say what is "Right" for another person?

    The elders are abusing and using her mother, who IMHO may be a bit on the emotional side. Perhaps sensitive would be a kinder description.

    I think CSG is taking the more honorable but dificult path, dificult because it requires balancing many things.

  • just n from bethel
    just n from bethel

    Hey tellthetruth - not to interject on behalf of CHG, but it's not her who is not getting on with her life. It's the religion she left quite a while ago. They are stalking her. She owes them no answers. What makes you think anybody is obligated to answer some creepy men that hide out spying on you at your home. They're lucky she hasn't called the cops on them.

    Anyway - you're new and it sounds like you're defending the elders, so maybe you're still active. If so, do you do the right thing? Will you be telling the elders that you're on this site and associating with disfellowshipped people?

    If I misread your first post, my bad. And either way - welcome.

  • the-illuminator81
    the-illuminator81

    Next time they show up, egg them!

  • nugget
    nugget

    It sounds like you managed to control the situation well. It seems that they are gunning for you so the next step would be to seek legal advice. As they are calling on you at home and putting pressure on your mother causing her distress they have moved into the realms of stalking. Because of their aggressive approach you can say that you are genuinely concerned that if you were to meet with them you would be harrassed and bullied. No one has the right to do this. Making unwelcome calls in the evening is inappropriate they do not need to speak with you in person they could mail you. The fact that they have questioned your landlady about your whereabouts is totally out of order too.

    They have threatened your mother and pried into your personal life they will be so full of religious zeal they won't even appreciate how creepy they are. One elder calling on a woman at home alone urgh. Bad cult.

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