Whenever I feel sublime, I think of the Witnesses who forbid me such experiences. Witnesses don't have normal childhoods. My family's weird stance of believing but not conforming made it very hard. My mom was expelled from high school for not saluting the flag. It plagued her entire life. She dreamed of being a teacher or fashion designer. We were often allowed to do things if no Witness would know. She would always explain why whatever we were allowed to do was wrong. The double message was crippling. One year I was hospitalized for Christmas and given a stocking by the auxillary. How I loved it! I would dispute science with teachers. Perhaps if these incidents reflected enduring values, it would not be so painful. I paid a high price for my parent's lack of intellect. Everything that others found so admirable in me, my good grades, my volunteering as a candystriper, love of NYC were viewed by the Witnesses as heinous act. Despite decades passing, I am still jazzed up about my education. When I started a prestigious college, all my classmates were stroked. My extended family mocked and derided my decision.
I am so grateful for stumbling upon this site. Because as much as I explain my situation to friends, I feel you must actually experience it to understand how all encompassing Witness life is. It is very different from being Anglican. I specialize in civil rights. Doing research, I found that a female lawyer for the Society published an article on Witness persecution in Japan preWWII. First, someone is allowed to be a lawyer! Second, a female person! Reading the article was sad. No individual stories of immense bravery by Witnesses were told. Her entire article was about the glory of the WTS. How does someone pass a bar admission test and yet be so enthralled with the crazy numbers. Unlike the majority of Witnesses, she possess hard skills to ferret out the truth.
This experience in this moment is extraordinary. I am not alone and isolated, trying to balance my worldly knowledge and please the Witnesses. People here are not zombies. We are sharing our pilgrimages out of Witness land. This is more than I could ever hope from life.