Yesssss!! I gun thread!! Now we're talkin!!!
Well, I see two different types of questions here, 1 for home defense, and 1 for personal carry.
Here are my answers. For home defense, I have a custom Colt Gold Cup Mark IV, .45. I use Fiocchi jacketed hollow points for home defense. However, I also use this as a target pistol. Either bullet will kill some douchebag criminal thug in your house.
For personal concealed carry, I use a DiamondBack .380. It is incredibly small, but is like a mini-Glock in it's take-down and features. Very, very thin and nice shooting close-quarters pistol. I use higher powered jacked hollow points while carrying it. Having owned a Ruger LCP, Bersa CC .380, etc I can honestly say this is the smallest of them all, and the most concealable. The trigger pull is long, but very smooth. Also, and this is important, legible 3-dot sights.
If .380 isn't your thing, and you MUST carry 9mm, then I highly recommend the Walther PPS (NOT PPK) in either 9mm or .40 S&W. (Same size pistol). It is extremely thin for 9mm, and also has excellent sights.
Here's my custom Gold Cup Mark IV, I put alot of money into this, but it's the best 1911 I've ever had:
Regards,
Wing Commander