telling kids 'my story' how honest should i be?

by Aussie Oz 13 Replies latest jw friends

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  flipper

  AUSSIE OZ- Wow ! Great advice by EVERYBODY on this thread ! We have such awesome posters on this board !

  I'll approach something from my own experience and something Nugget touched on in her comment when she stated " It is entirely likely that your ex-wife has already said quite a lot to them about the breakup and they may already know some of what happened but not necessarily the why . " Very good statement.

  But wrap your mind around this : Your children understand the WHY of your breakup- ONLY from your JW ex-wife's vantage point. My JW ex-wife was WAY too detailed in describing intimate details of our sex life to my teenage daughters - lying to them that I had forced her to let me service her orally thus she turned me into the elders. And that is NOT how it went down at all ! She was a willing participant ! She dishonestly misrepresented me to my daughters to make herself look better and me look like a dog.

  If your wife has any influence on your kids as a JW mom and is the slightest bit manipulative take what I'm saying to heart. I've been here, paid the debt my friend. And it is HELL trying to undo what a manipulative JW ex-wife can do in influencing your children against you. I would just privately talk with your children and perhaps ask first - " What do you know about mom & my breakup ? " Get THEIR opinion first. THEN you will know what they've been told and what kind of corrections you may need to make in access to information they have heard.

  I don't know if you are closer to your kids than your ex-wife, but my older son and I are VERY close, he saw through his mom's BS. My girls not so much because they are mind controlled by the cult. You are going to need to be a psychologist to do this carefully keeping your relationship intact. But I agree with others- don't expose too much detail on your blunders about sex. Teens don't want to hear it. Good luck
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  Retrovirus

  Till now I never thought that this had anything to do with JWs - but - when my brother and SIL seperated, she rang each of us and our families and made sure we knew that he'd been unfaithful. Nearly wrecked our family get-together.

  She also got the word around in the community where they lived. I had put this down to irrational bahaviour due to the pain of seperating.

  So, definitly, I'd say your kids are entitled to know your version of what happened. Perhaps as others have suggested, not every detail, but your perspective.

  Only other thought - your children probably do know more than you think; it's not possible to live in a house with a strained relationship and not be aware. My brothers kids were very affected by the time before the breakup, more so than the break itself.

  Wishing for a good outcome, Retro
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  Aussie Oz

  Mozzies; i like your take on it, and i think too, that perhaps the whole story may not be appreciated nor understood for a few more years yet, thankyou.

  Scully; i think that is sound advice, thankyou for helping me see that they have a right to not be exposed to too much too young.

  Mr Flipper; I think the why is more imortant than the what, and spot on with finding out what they already have heard, thankyou

  Retrovirus; i have an idea that my misdemeaner got spread far and wide too. And thanks for pointing out that not every detail needs airing.

  I am astounded by the care and collective wisdom on this board, thankyou all so much, so much!

  oz
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  Giordano

  Let me put it this way OZ. There was a church that at the end of a spirited sermon folks were expected to step up and confess their sins.

  So a lady gets up and cries out that she committed adultery and the minister and the congregation shout out "tell it all sister tell it all". And someone else stands up and says that they cursed god and once again everyone shouts "tell it brother tell it all".

  And then an older man stands up and says "I've committed fornication with my goat", and........there's dead silence. Finally the minister clears his throat and says "If I was you I don't think I'd be telling that one".