What emotions have you been coping with? (page 3)

TaraJeane

Hi All,

This is my first post. I've been reading a lot online for the past few months (your website and freeminds.org have been an amazing source of information), but have been afraid to post (of course, because I am baptized). This subject title has urged me to register and share my experiences, even though I'm afraid I may not have much good advice. My main objective in posting is to make sure that the original poster knows that he/she is not alone. I am a 35 year old married woman who has been 'in the truth' all her life. My husband and I have realized in the last year (via first personal experience, and then searching the internet) that what we were taught our whole lives is just a bunch of lies. I am still in the midst of figuring out all of my emotions but wanted to offer some reassurance that you are not the only one going through tough times. My personal journey would be an extremely easier one if not for the newly found faith of my parents (sorta, even though they raised me as a semi-JW my entire life). I have been been told that, 'You're either a Witness or you're not' several times. I've found it hard to believe that God sees our lives in such black and white terms. My parents have been an EXTREME burden on my feelings about myself and my family. I'm having an extremely tough time understanding how this could affect me so profoundly! I hate it! It's also dumbfounding to me that I 'went to meetings' for years and years and years, while my parents did not, hoping they would come to their senses. Now that I am not going and they are, it's astounding to me the way they shame me and my family. Please bear with me as I know I have a long way to go...I am still grappling with the basics. I just wanted to share my experience and let you know that you are not alone. I hope to be past this someday soon. I never imagined that the only way of life I knew would have such a grip on me and my family. From all of the experiences I have read, I am sure you will find comfort in knowing that you will find personal peace in your life.

Tara

mochamint22

Hi Tara,

I'm the original poster for this and I wanna say thank you. I appreciate your words so much because you and everyone else sharing is slowly helping me cope w/the feelings I've been dealing with. If you want to see a little more in depth about me and my "story" you can look at my post titled "Eyes Recently Opened" (that was the night i decided to register and make my first post) It's really difficult for me because I've been told the same thing: You're either a witness or you're not. Then my parent tells me the scripture that says you can't slave for two masters. But you know what? It's Jehovah or Satan. Not The Governing Body or Satan. I still love Jehovah, although I do feel my relationship with him has never been the same since my traumatic experiences (again see my other post for details). I too, first, was scared to even click the link to come to this site. I remember the brothers specifically naming this website, saying to stay away from it! Then I started reading it and felt compelled to register. I wasn't even looking to converse with anyone. Just wanted a place to put everything out there, even if it wasn't read, as a form of therapy. I've only joined this site a couple days ago, but I've been coming here everyday since. I've received such a warm, non-judgmental welcome. It feels AMAZING to be able to say what I feel and have other people understand me. I have a good non witness friend from work that I talk to about everything, but she doesn't get it. She cant, she wasn't raised a witness like me. I've never ever researched the early history of Jehovah's Witnesses and the little bit that I have researched has me still in shock. I had no idea the GB changed the words of the BIBLE to prove their points. The ever changing doctrines. The other thing is, I was always taught that only JWs know and use Jah's name. I was surprised to find out, thats not true. Well, we can talk about religion part later, but I just want you to know that it took a lot of courage for you to start posting and I promise that you are going to see that as you "get it out there, get it off your chest" it makes it easier. All of a sudden, you don't have to hold things in-you'll see that it's OK to talk about what you TRULY feel. Take care Tara, welcome to the blog-

moe

agonus

Whatever emotion it is you feel when you no longer feel emotions... that's the emotion I've been dealing with.

Not sure there's a word for it yet.

satinka

For Satinka!...FEAR...is Fake...Evidence...Appearing...Real...GET IT??? If you don't, I'ed be more than happy to explain just what that means...because there is more to words than YOU may know. DISEASE...Dis-Ease (Not-at-Ease)....ILLNESS...I..Lack..Love NAMASTE! KEN

Yes, Ken...I know that now. But I didn't know that back in 2000, when I got disfellowshipped. Thanks for caring.

satinka

man in black

when I left it seems that I developed an inferiority complex because of the shunning thing.

Then I came to this site and began reading, and researching and developed a boldness about the wtbts that really helped me.

Now it is a slow, smouldering burning anger .

Seeing firsthand how this religion goofs people up just gets me going every time.

This past week I was able to visit with one of my sisters, she was raised a witness but left at 16, now she lives in Kentucky and has two wonderful

children. Not married yet,,,, they are working on it.

Anyway, she made the comment about when our Mom died two years ago one of her longtime friends who became a witness sent a card explaining the condition of the dead, and what she should do. (translation: go back to the KH asap)!

Her comment to me was " I appreciate the card, but at that time I needed a friend. Not an instruction manual as to how I should go to her church".

mamalove

I was raised a JW from birth. At 18 was forced to shun my father who was DFd. It took me 10 more years to wake up. 3 years it took me to snap out completely and not feel like I was doing something wrong. Now I know its a lie. Emotions, yeah I have plenty. I feel somewhat tortured that my own dear sister has nothing to do with me. That bothers me the most. My mom is a big meanie and I am somewhat relieved I don't have to hear her shouting at me anymore. I am a grown woman, divorced now, and two gorgeous kids. I have a happy life, my own house, good job, and a great non JW family who helped me. But I still feel the need to go see a therapist which I think I am going to do because I am really bothered about my sister. I need some kind of internal resolution on that. I tell lots of people my "story" and am not ashamed at all. I could not help the way I was born into it. Thought I was handed a golden ticket....my ass. At least I am young enough and my kids are young enough where I can hopefully save them. For anyone who struggles, let it out! It's good and healing. ((HUGS))

watersprout

Fear...Anger...Hate...Hurt...Pain...Guilt...Regret.

It's taken nearly two years but slowly with Christ's help those emotions are changing into the positive...Yeah being bought up as a JW has nearly destroyed me, but like hell am i going to let those evil monsters take anymore of my precious life!

Peace

Bec

Found Sheep

anger at there lack of love

then extream happiness

then anger

then denial

then anger

now healing thanks to this site!

thank you all for your stories

mochamint22

I keep bouncing back and forth in my head thinking that I'm making a mistake doing the following: being on this website; my continued research outside of the "organization"; even thinking in my head that what I've been taught is a lie; then i go right back to feeling angry, confused, distraught at the fact I don't and can't have a relationship with my mother. She shuns me just because I don't go to the meetings. I'm not DFd just "inactive" but it doesn't matter. It's the same thing to her. ANYWAY, it feels like a vicious cycle with her.

moe

What emotions have you been coping with?

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