I wouldn't push the issue without looking for other signs first. Help carry the grandchild's toys, diaper bag, etc. to and from the car. Are there WT and Awake magazines in the trunk or back seat? Listen to how he's speaking. Are there traces of "theocratic" language when discussing the news or politics? Is there a pattern of being available or unavailable on meeting nights and during weekend service hours? Be observant to the clues that disclose your son's attitude to the organization. It's like using the tools from Theocratic Ministry School in reverse--or playing poker--pay attention to the details, and you'll often discern what they're thinking without them telling you!
My son contacted me... need advise
by Expanded-Mind 19 Replies latest jw friends
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thetrueone
Kind of cold hearted to stay away from you all those years and then abruptly pop up and say he's married and he has a son.
I think JWS are more than selfish and cruel, they're ............. !
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tec
I would not bring the subject up with him at all. If he is having doubts, he knows you're an ex-jw, and he will come to you. Just listen if he does, and give him the help he asks for... if he asks for it. (that part you can play by ear, of course.) But I wouldn't bring it up with him. For now, just be his dad, be a granddad, a father-in-law, and a friend.
Love to you and your son/family and so happy he is talking to you again. What an uplifting thing to share.
Tammy
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dssynergy
You can have a relationship with your son regardless of what religion either of you are. That he contacted you to me says that at least at this point it is a non-issue for him as well. I wouldn't bring anything up too quickly. Do lots of observing...If your goal is to be able at some point to discuss the JWs, then you are going to have to bank a lot of trust and that means he is going to have to not be afraid that you are going to randomly accost him with bizzarre (to him) questions, comments, ideas, or accusatory/threatening arguments connected to the JWs. As someone said you don't really know where he is at - he could just be taking a break, or he could be having doubts and is completely ready to leave. Until you know more...tread very lightly.
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jwfacts
You could ask the wife questions in order to pick up subtle clues, such as what they plan to do regarding religious training for the child.
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Expanded-Mind
Dear Gayle, jwfacts, itsacult, Finally-Free, shamus 100, Black Sheep, Penny2, Moshe, Snoozy, Satinka, GL Tirebiter, Tec and dssynergy,
Thank you all for responding! It is truly helpful to hear most of the comments... it defintely will help me to sort out my feelings so that I focus just on building a relationship, friendship with him --- and along with that build trust --- so that when/if he is ready, he may feel comfortable with talking about some of these things.
Again, I am very grateful for each of you taking the time to write...
Best wishes to each of you for a great 2011!
Expanded-Mind
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Aussie Oz
just focus on rebuilding the relationship and treat the JW thing as a nothing subject, ie; irrelevant to the two of you connecting.
He has reached out to you, stay on that track and you cant go wrong. There is a time and place for the JW thing and i reckon its when and if HE brings it up.
As a guy who lost his dad for 22 years, i can tell you, reconnecting with no agendas and care over the past was one of the best things i ever did... may you prove to be the dad that he is looking for... hopefully one who will accept him as he is.
all the best with your fantastic news
oz
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Expanded-Mind
Thanks for the encouragement Aussie Oz... I really appreciate the advice and the encouragement!
Best,
Expanded-Mind
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mamalove
He might feel a little sheepish in the context like he has regrets. He is mending fences. The best thing to be is a good dad and a great grandpa. That makes my heart leap to hear your wonderful news. Best I have read all night!
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Ding
Leaving it to him to decide whether to bring the subject up seems like a good idea to me.
On the other hand, if it's like an elephant in the room and you prefer a direct approach, you could ask him if it's okay with him if you discuss where he's at with regard to the WTS and tell him if not that's fine -- you'll leave the subject alone...
That's preferable to trying to ask cleverly disguised questions designed to get information out of him (or his wife).