How to tell my mom im moving out?? Need advice please

cia112

Well I'm 22 years old, still in college, I live with my mom but she is driving me crazy with her JW nonsense, Ive been dealing with it all my life and I really cant take anymore of this, I have a boyfriend, non JW (which my mom hates) and i could barely see him because she doesnt let me go out! We have 4 years together and i really dont want to keep on like this, Im not baptized but i am a publisher...

So the thing is, I want to move out with my boyfriend but i have no idea how to break the news to her, she drives me nuts but shes my mother and i love her, i dont want to hurt her but enough is enough...she's probably going to disown me, but I really just want to be happy already...So does anybody have any ideas what i can do?

leavingwt

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91euERWH2M4

Soldier77

Tell her the truth. It's the least you can do and it might be a bit of fresh air for her to hear truth instead of all the WTS lies and propaganda she's being fed.

wifeofjw

Hello cia112,

I'm sorry to hear of your situation with your mother. It is great to hear you are in college.

I think the first thing you need to ask yourself is "Do I have the means to take care of myself if I leave?"

Have you planned for all the expenses you will incur. Do you have a job? Have you created a budget? What if you break up with your boyfriend? Where do you go?

Do you have a community of people to support you if you lose all your JW friends?

Have a plan before you leave. So, when your mom asks what are you going to do about Fill in the Blank you have an answer. That way you can tell her "I love you Mom and it is time for me to leave home."

Take Care

VIII

Well, having been in similar circumstance at your age, I would first do more than decide that you are going to live together.

How are you going to pay your bills?

Who is signing the lease? Both? One of you? If you (or he) decides that the living arrangement doesen't work out to either of your satisfations, what will you do? Move back in with Mummy?

Believe me, that would be the worst.

Is she supporting you in any way, shape or form? How will you support yourself if you lose your Mom or your boyfriend?

Do you have student loans? How will you pay those after graduation?

I know I sound like a kill-joy, however, I got zero advice and had to move into the worst dive because I absolutely would not move in with my JW Mom. I lived in a literal ghetto hovel with revolving roommates due to my money issues.

However, it was better than living with a rabid JW. And, I paid all my bills. Then I moved in with my boyfriend. 2 years later. When I knew I could do it on my own. That was the key.

Can you? Can you survive without anyone helping you?

skeeter1

How much closer are you to graduating? Are there career prospects and/or do you have a job(s) right now. Suck it up and use your mother for the time being if you can't support yourself.

Boyfriends (and even husbands) come and go. Don't look for him to support you. Otherwise, you may end up being disfellowshipped for living with a man you are not married to...and have no home to come back to. Or, you may rush into a marraige for all the wrong reasons - marrying the wrong guy just so you please your mother in that you are not sinning.

I'd much rather see you move in with a girlfriend, you (and your boyfriend) graduate from college, and then start a life together. Post an ad at college looking to move in with another girl to share an apartment. You owe it to your boyfriend and to you to be building a new life, and not running away from an old one.

A wise general plans his battlefield.

My mother didn't talk with me for a few months after I left . . . and I left because I got married to a man who was also raised in the Truth. Not good enough...and no man will ever be good enough for one's little girl.

Skeeter

LostGeneration

Sit her down and tell her you love her. Tell her you respect her religion (even if you dont) and her right to live her life the way she wants.

Then ask her to do the same for you. Tell her you understand that she may disown you (that heads off the threat before she can make it, and tells her you have already thought this through) but you must live your own life and figure out where it will lead.

Good luck. My guess is that she will be hurt badly for a while, but since you were never dunked she won't have to shun you forever per WT rules

undercover

How are you going to pay your bills?

Who is signing the lease? Both? One of you? If you (or he) decides that the living arrangement doesen't work out to either of your satisfations, what will you do? Move back in with Mummy?

Believe me, that would be the worst.

Is she supporting you in any way, shape or form? How will you support yourself if you lose your Mom or your boyfriend?

Do you have student loans? How will you pay those after graduation?

Excellent questions to ask yourself...

Now back to a statment you made... you're not baptized but you're a publisher. Does that mean you're active? If you're inactive already it might be easier to just tell your mom, you're not interested in the religion. You want to finish school and get a job. But - if you are going to meetings and out in service, you're going to have to find a way to make it clear that you're not going to partake in that activity anymore.

Worst case scenerio... your mom asks you to leave, at which point you'll probably have to do what your're talking about. But then again, if you stand your ground, your mom might try to throw a guilt trip on you but in the end would rather see you stay at home instead of hitting the streets. Here's where the compromise might come in...on both your parts. Maybe you can agree to go to an occasional meeting in return for her letting you continue your studies until you're gainfully employed and ready to start your own adult life.

We don't know your mom or how she reacts just as we don't really know you or your exact situation. So we can't tell you exactly what to do or what to expect even. We can give you the perspective based on our experiences and mistakes.

You're 22. I know you tire of hearing this, but really, you're pretty young. A year or two more of learning to deal with your mom's eccentricities is not a life time. Concentrate on school and career. Once you've graduated and found the job/career you like, then you can concentrate on the rest of your life. But even then, your mom is your mom... she's always going to be a force in your life to some degree. I'm in my late 40s... (old fart yes I am) but my parents are still a force in my life, even as they are in their 70s. The quicker you learn to stand your ground now, yet know the value of compromise and when to keep quiet or when to fight, the better your relationship will be with her long after you've moved out and are on your own.

Black Sheep

It was her choice to raise you in a church that treats its non-believing children badly.

If she is hurt when you don't abide by her church's rules, that is a result of her choice, not yours.

If she indulges in bad behaviour when you leave, that is the result of her choice, not yours. Don't let her blame you for her bad behaviour.

You didn't ask to be raised in a cult. That was foisted upon you by her. You are not guilty of anything.... so don't let her tell you you are.

Welcome to the forum, and congratulations for having the sense not to get baptised.

Chris

Magwitch

It is important that mothers be reminded that things like this are not about them.

How to tell my mom im moving out?? Need advice please

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