One more thing. Divorce is bleeping expensive! See if you can convince her to do mediation, if necessary arbitration. The back and forth will cost you thousands.
Tyrant of a wife!
by whatistruth 74 Replies latest jw friends
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LisaRose
I left my first husband and the cult at the same time. It can be done, it's difficut. I've been out and happily married for 10 years. The most important thing is for you to realize that you are free to do what you want. It's a free country as they say. You don't seem to realize this, and until you do, you are trapped. Your chains are in your head. You are in an unhealthy and toxic relationship, there is notwhere else to go with it. The most important thing is to be prepared and be sure that you are leaving and not coming back. Do not engage in any argument with your wife. It's futile and just feeds into her metal illness. See a lawyer, get you ducks in a row and just leave. Do not discuss or tell her in advance, that will get you nowhere. Call an elder in the congo to serve as an itermediary. Don't ask them, just tell them and ask that they tell her. That may mitigate the worst of her behavior as she will not act that way in front of them, if she want to stay in the cult. Use that. Get a restraining order if you have to.
Until you are ready, do not argue with her. It really does take two to argue, so you need to change your behaviour and realize what buttons she is pusing to get you to respond. I would just say "I'm sorry, I suggest you get mental help" no matter what she says. Practice that in front of a mirror. Once you leave, block any calls from her. My ex was nasty and angry, but in the end did nothing. I hope you are as lucky, but if not, you are still better off getting it over with.
The only thing worse than spending 10 years in a miserable marriage is 11 years or 28 years. Trust me, I know. I hope you have a great new life.
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Band on the Run
You can't control your wife. The only person you can manage is yourself. There are multiple self-help marriage and divorce groups available. The first partner to see a lawyer usually ends up with more money. It is good to have a plan in place to execute. Rather, than a sudden impulse. Even if she is baiting you, you need to walk away or leave. Go somewhere where she cannot follow.
If you no longer believe, the stress on the marriage must be great. She may not seek a divorce but the brothers will feed her own views of the relationship. Altho you may no longer be in love with her, leaving is very hard, painful work. Get a plan, Stan. Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover is Paul Simon was so funny precisely b/c it is not easy to leave. The end result will be beneficial.
My Witness father beat me. I responded by losing my cool several times. Loony behavior on my part demeaned me. Take a higher road. It is very hard to argue with the air in the room.
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Band on the Run
You probably stay b/c you are comfortable. You may have forgotten what a good relationship is. I veered towards bad relationships with men like my father altho I hated my father. It is called a trauma bond. The abuse tightens the bond. It is not a rational response. When I say comfortable, I mean habitual. It is very similar to being in a cult. Inertia also takes hold. Leaving is scary even if you assured a good outcome.
Someone posted about leaving home here. Just b/c something is in your best interests, doesn't make it easy?
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Hoffnung
It is not going to save your marriage, but Ephesians 5:33 is mistranslated in the NWT, it should be "fear" and not "respect". it should read: " the wife should fear her husband.” See in the Kingdom Interlinear if you have one. And even if it would be "respect", you do not have to deserve it. The respect or fear is a result of a position and not of your actions as husband. A CEO of a company gets respect, even if he is not a nice guy and is screwing parts of his life. He gets the respect and the fear because he is the CEO. Your wife submitted herself to this arrangement when she maried you and has to fear and respect you, even if you are less smart than her and might have done some stupid things in the past. you will find a more in depth explanation on http://www.perimeno.ca/Ephesians.htm. Stand up for yourself man! Every husband has to show his wife the limit once in a while and you tell your wife to shut her mouth and listen to what you have to say. It is going to be tough, but both of you will feel better if you succeed.
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acolytes
Whatistruth
I think in fairness to your wife. Who is not here to defend herself, you should allow her to read this post.
Does your wife speak behind your back like this?
Acolytes
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CuriousButterfly
I would record her yelling and screaming. Then you can show the elders IF she decides to bring you before a committee, she cannot lie what is videoed. Then they can see why you left her.
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acolytes
curiousebutterfly
I have yelled and scremed at my wife. If my wife recorded it and showed it to my parents/or hers they iam sure would say "Hey I remember how we yelled at you, and you at us. Your daddy and I we still yell at each other"
Acolytes
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whatistruth
I think in fairness to your wife. Who is not here to defend herself, you should allow her to read this post.
Does your wife speak behind your back like this?
Such a ridiculous statement!! According to you I should let her come on an apostate site to read this? Secondlly she always speaks nasty things behind my back. I have tried and done everything to make this marriage work, if I can't vent here, you're saying it's a better idea to see the elders? To talk to her about this? 1. I am not going to the elders because i do not believe in this religion. 2. The things I wrote on this post I have said to my wife, with guess what? More yelling and cursing at me for hours. Thank you for help anyway and I greatly appreciate it.
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acolytes
whatistruth
I didnt suggest your wife come on an apostate site to read this. I suggested in fairness you print out this post and let her read the thread.
I did not suggest you go to the elders to talk about your marriage.( Its your marriage ie both of yours) not the elders or mine or anybody elses.
I think this is something you should work out between yourself.
Acolytes