I hope you're paying attention, Spade.
My Marriage Ending...Or Other Options
by doinmypart 42 Replies latest social relationships
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Check_Your_Premises
That is really sad.
When the WT became a source of contention in my marriage, the thing that helped the most was to enhance and strengthen the other parts of the marriage and your lives in general.
It was very painful when my wife was baptized, but in the end I am grateful for the experience because it made me a better husband.
There is a time element here. It sounds like this is a relatively new development, and that this new change in status has not yet been processed and reached a steady state. It will take time to hash all this out. Especially with regards to the children.
In the mean time, provide as much stability in every other area of your marriage/life. Try to appreciate just how shocking and disconcerting all this is for here. She is likely questioning everything about you.
I know this is hard. But for better or worse, right? The hardest thing is to love when someone is unloveable, or who doesn't love you back, or rejects your love. But love isn't a feeling, it is a commitment, a promise. Make that a starting point, and I think you will have a good foundation for which to resolve the rest of the issues.
And who knows... when she sees that your leaving didn't change all the other things about you that she loves, maybe she will decide that leaving the org isn't the worst thing in the world.
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Lunatic Faith
First of all I have to express surprise that these lurkers drop out of the sky to chime in on a personal post. Their posts are hurtful and far more damaging than anything I have seen on this site from anyone legitimately here. Spade seems to speak in code, I couldn't understand what he was saying. DY is like the original 'white-washed grave' dipped in sugar. Is it possible someone can claim to just drop in occasionally, yet have almost 3000 posts? Being new to this site I found their behavior more convincing to me than anything else that I have chosen the right path.
Doinmypart-I hope you and your wife have worked things out. My hubby started 'cooling off' a few years ago. I used to try and drag him to meetings and would get so angry that this man I had married 'in the Lord' was no longer going to serve alongside me. I would actually comfort myself with the thought, "Well, if he dies at Armageddon I will just get another, more spiritual, husband in the new system." I always felt that marriage vows could be annulled if one of the members left the faith. I talked to the elders and asked for help. They would visit and try and encourage my husband but nothing helped. I got tired of making excuses at every meeting: He's sick, he's working, he's sleeping, he's out of town, etc. Finally I started telling people, "If you want to know how he is or where he is, call him yourself." I got a few surprised looks, but you know what? Nobody called. Nobody visited anymore. I got tired of going by myself all the time. My meeting attendance became sporadic. The further away I got the better I felt. Six months ago I still swore I was a believer and would get reactivated. I'm not sure when I realized i was done, but I eventually did.
What I'm saying is, it can happen. If your wife and you love one another and can find neutral ground, you may be surprised what the future will bring.