update on the kids for those who follow it ...

by Aussie Oz 13 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Aussie Oz

  Another weekend with the kids over...

  i have concluded sadly that i may have reached the end of the line when it comes to reaching my son. Not that i will 'give up' but i have to realize that although he knows i have a lot to show him, that he should be researching the religion before he gets baptised, that he will probably go down that road regardless. Not that i blame him. He has his future mapped out in his head and is afraid of anything that will impact it. I told him that i loved him, that these things are his mistakes to make and that i hope i am still around if his world falls apart.

  Ah the power of young love...

  As for my younger daughter, she shared in our drawn out discussions too. She did read a couple of articles i wrote on baptism. I asked her to read them and tell me if there was anything i wrote that was not correct... she understands very well what i am trying to tell them.

  A couple of interesting developments were being able to show her Russells Pyramid at his grave and take a google earth walk through the Rosemount cemetary to 'see' it.

  I also showed her the contents of my file on JWs and where to find it on my PC. I took her to the JW official site so she could see where i was getting the latest magazines from, and she also pointed out the JWfacts link in my favorites bar!

  during the afternoon i was able to read her a couple of bits from COC about bizzare beliefs from Rutherford.

  She is a lot more open to questioning and i hope she will ask. That was one of my points from my chat... asking them why they dont ask me stuff when they know i have so much to share and they they should be questioning. I concluded the chat with letting them know that i wished i did not have to say things like i do, but that if i dont, i am an uncaring father, that it is my responsability to guide them on their journey's.

  cheers to you all like to follow my journey with the kids.

  oz
• 

  Heaven

  Aussie Oz... you're a good Dad. Giving your kids love whether they follow your advice or not is something they won't get with the Borg and is key to having a lifelong relationship with them. It is their life and many times we make mistakes that others have made. It's all part of learning.

  When I was a kid, my Dad wasn't a JW and did not trust any religion so he was a balancing force in our family. Unfortunately, he got sucked into the cancer after he retired. They do use your weak points in life.

  One question that may be good to ask your son is "If your religion told you that you could no longer see or love your Dad, what would you do? Would you follow the religion?"

  Sometimes I find that when you ask these types of questions, and a situation crops up later that is related to it, there is an impact within the individual. Often times people have said to me "You told me about this. You were right."

  Don't give up on him. Even if he gets baptized. As many have said on this board, baptism is often times the start to leaving this cult.
• 

  3Mozzies

  Well done Oz

  They can NOT delete what you have shown/said to them. One day when they hear/read something that doesn't make sense from the GB/Watchtower/Elder/Bro-Sis etc... - Ding! "Didn't dad say _ _ _ about that?"

  It will take time. The 'ding' moment is up to them, allowing the 'ding' moment to mean something and to last long enough for them to 'think' is because of what you have placed in their minds already.

  I hope this happens sooner rather than later for you & your kids.

  3Mozzies
• 

  blondie

  In the end, with myself, the questioning had to come from within me, based on things I had seen and experienced personally. You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink, it has to be thirsty and it has to be its idea to drink.

  Someone I called on d2d asked me 2 questions to think about. I went home and researched them and was surprised what I found, but the cognitive dissonance was too strong. But I remembered, and I watched and I listened more carefully at the KH. For 8 years evidence piled up and finally I realized that leaving the WTS was the only healthy thing I could do for myself. It was a good strong break, ten years later I have no desire ever to go back for any reason.
• 

  nugget

  Your children know that you are there for them no matter what, that you will love them whatever choices they make. They know their mother may not be, that her approval relates to their religion, that is a strong force to fight against. In the short term whilst they are at home this will exert a stronger influence on them because although they may not agree with everything the religion teaches they have yet to feel the full impact of the control on their lives.

  This is a long game just being there is so important since you are laying foundations for the future. Unlike many in the organisation your children will not be unaware of the history and will be able to see things more clearly. Although the genie isn't totally out of the bottle yet at least they have the bottle.

  In the organisation problems happen you can guarantee it, they are a high control group with people who like to wield power over others. Don't give up and don't despair of a result the witnesses have a habit of working against themselves.
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  Thanks for the update. Regardless of whether you reach your son before baptism to prevent it or continue to help him with love after his baptism, he will need information and patience.

  I don't fully subscribe to the Christian method of bringing someone out- offering another alternative. But I have read most of the available books on helping someone out of the JW's and David Reed makes some excellent points that might help you with your son in his book, HOW TO RESCUE YOUR LOVED ONE FROM THE WATCHTOWER: http://www.amazon.com/How-Rescue-Your-Loved-Watchtower/dp/0801077524/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_3

  And if you haven't already read it, Steven Hassan's second book (RELEASING THE BONDS; EMPOWERING PEOPLE TO THINK FOR THEMSELVES) is one of the best for having to help someone out in the long-term effort to free their minds from it: http://www.freedomofmind.com/resourcecenter/books/rtb.htm
• 

  bohm

  Oz, if this is about this girl I dont think you stand a chance in hell ... for now.

  Hence that general is skillful in attack whose opponent does not know what to defend; and he is skilful in defense whose opponent does not know what to attack. (Sun Tzu)

  they are trying to get him in. they expect you to try to fight that with satans propeganda, and im sure they are ready to point that out to him with glee. they want to respond by encoraging him, by offering him a prize (the girl) and essentially love bombing him. Its a damn hard struggle to counter their emotional hold with information.

  I think they have the upper hand here, but once he get dunked the love bombing will stop and he will eventually live the life or a regular witness... he dont sound like he fit the profile perfectly.

  the things i have tried the most in my interaction with jehovahs witnesses has been to do the right thing from a purely humane perspective, and try be unpredictable. When i have interacted with my girlfriends family i have tried to cut away everything else and only focus on a narrative where i love her and want whats best for her and i respect them very much. its very hard for them to counter it. the more problems there is, the more i have focused on that alone and just asked them for advice straight out. there is nothing in the "jehovahs witness book" that tell them how to handle a worldly person who ask for advice!

  if you cut to the bone i think you got the advantage in the long run by far because your narrative is simple: You love your son. you are afraid to loose him. you dont want that. his religion does not matter to you.

  instead of telling him things, i would focus solely on that and ask him for advice. focus on the times where you have been left by witness and frame it as a semi-irrational fear you have for loosing him. if the fake nature of what they want for him does not show before his baptism, i think it eventually will.
• 

  transhuman68

  Good luck to you Oz!
• 

  Aussie Oz

  Good advice from you all. You all offer a balanced perspective and you help me level out too. I was begining to despair, and you have helped me chill out.

  It is going to take time for him to have his 'ding' moment. A girl and love bombing from mates and even elders who help him party and drink sure is the stronger pull at his time of life.

  What kid ever really paid attention to the warnings and counsel from their 'old man' anyway?

  He will always have my love with no conditions attatched, unlike what he will experience from his mother and friends.

  thankyou thankyou thankyou

  oz
• 

  penny2

  Oz, the social life of young JWs in Australia is pretty good. They drink and party like the best of them. The meetings are also social occasions. Ok, so they have to listen to some boring stuff but they glaze over while that's going on. Afterwards, they see their mates and get to organise their other activities.

  Now that your son has a girlfriend, he probably feels like he's got it all. A great time now plus everlasting life. All he needs to do is get baptized and it's assured (sorry).

  All you can do is be there for him if/when it falls apart.

  You'll always be their dad.

  penny