What is going on?

by gilwarrior 20 Replies latest social relationships

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  gilwarrior

  The following was a letter that I wrote to myself several weeks ago. I'm not sure what to make of this. Perhaps you can.

  OK, tonight I went to my dance class. I did my private dance lesson and then I decided to stay for the practice session where everybody who takes the classes stays to dance. I was talking to this girl who I have met on several occasions. She said hello to me and everything was going fine. So I thought. I was talking to her near this water fountain where we were getting drinks. Then as I was talking to her she just walked away. I felt so stupid. I looked around and noticed that everyone was sitting down. I wanted to sit down at a table. I looked over noticed that all the tables were taken. There wasn't anyone who I felt comfortable sitting with. The girl who I was talking to was sitting with two of her friends. I didn't feel comfortable asking if I could sit down. At that moment I hated everyone there! I was so angry! I wanted to yell, "Hey assholes, look at me! Don't treat me like I don't exist! Motherfuckers!" I immidiately left.

  I am not sure what is wrong with me. My problem is that I don't know how to act in front of other people. I don't pick up on social cues. I can make the biggest jackass of myself and not realize it. I try to be myself, but it doesn't work. I try to smile, laugh, but it is like I am as see through as glass. It is like people look at me and say, "Oh, you're trying to be funny. I don't thing so! We can see right through you."

  Sometimes when I feel like I am being ignored I just hate people. I look at people and just hate them. When someone tries to be nice to me I just feel like, "Why are you doing this? You are just going to hate me in the end."

  That girl that said "hi" to me was nice, but in the end she ignored me. This happens all the time.

  So, what the f*** is wrong with me?

  "I have so much love to give, but no one to give it to."

  William H. Macy - "Magnolia"
• 

  openminded

  Perhaps you suffer from an anxiety disorder that can be treated quite effectivly with medication. Probly Paxil.

  How old are you? Perhaps you have esteem issues? Where your parents supportive and nurturing with you?

  Just remember other people have the same fears and insecurities as you. Give others the benefit of the doubt.
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  Mulan

  There are basically two types of people (overall), introverts and extroverts. You are an introvert. The world is made up of both. One is not better than the other. Viva la differance, as they say.

  I recommend Phil McGraw's new book "Self Matters". It should help you accept yourself, learn how to stop the negative self talk, and get what matters to you, out of your life. He is awesome, and is making a big impact on my life. He is "no nonsense" and promotes "getting real" with yourself. He also was on Good Morning America this morning, on Oprah yesterday, and on Dateline last week. I think this book is going to make a difference!!
• 

  gilwarrior

  openminded: Yes I have anxiety issues! I am 28 years old. As for my parents, when I was a kid they tried to help me, but sadly they couldn't do much in getting me help since they spoke little English.

  Mulan: I have read just about every book you can imagine. Nothing works.
• 

  gilwarrior

  Openminded, I am taking Paxil. It did work for awhile and I felt so great! However, it has lost its effectiveness! I don't want to be dependent on some pill for the rest of life. I am not sure what to do make myself better. Perhaps I just have to accept the way I am.
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  detective

  Hey Gil,
  I have a weird, though not life-altering insight that I can provide but I'd rather you email me if you are interested in hearing it. My email is open.
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  sleepy

  "There are basically two types of people (overall), introverts and extroverts. You are an introvert. The world is made up of both. One is not better than the other. Viva la differance, as they say."

  No NO NO No .
  Don't put yourself into a group or stick label all over you or that is what you will be.
  I don't know all that happened but the girl was being rude.
  I would never walk away from someone if they were talking to me.
  Unless of course she is very shy, and felt a sudden onset of terror or maybe you came acroos too strong.
  See they are lots of things to consider.

  "There wasn't anyone who I felt comfortable sitting with. The girl who I was talking to was sitting with two of her friends. I didn't feel comfortable asking if I could sit down. At that moment I hated everyone there! I was so angry! I wanted to yell, "Hey assholes, look at me! Don't treat me like I don't exist! Motherfuckers!" I immidiately left."

  Try not to get angrey in these situations and feel that other peoples lack of openness is an attack on you.
  Most people woould feel nervous to sit down with a group of strangers it taks courage and guts.
  I think its good to remmeber that maybe 90 per cent of people find social interactions with strangers difficult.

  Maybe youre in the unfortunate circumstance of trying to get in with the wrong group of people, I mean there are some people who just don't mix well.
  Do you avoid certain types of people because you don't get on with them or they do not seem your type.
  Nearly all people do.

  I think this will take time and effort .
  Having your own interets and hobbies will make you an interesting person to talk to , so if you havent many prehaps thats a place to start.
• 

  Satanus

  Gil

  Check out codependence groups in your area. I'm not saying your are this. It's just something to check. It's free. They are all *ucked up. They understand a lot of this kind of stuff. It's probably just an arrested development.

  My thoughts SS
• 

  2SYN

  Smoke a FAT joint and you will feel better

  Just kidding. Maybe you should see a shrink? This sounds like something that's treatable...
• 

  Beans

  Gil:
  I know that feeling! I am not a great conversationalist and always find myself doubting my communication skills in a new group of people.As we were brought up only to talk to certain people we automatically distance ourselves from people, an internal firewall.This is something that most of us will never achieve to the fullest extent but can only try to improve slowly on a daily basis.
  I have also heard that I was possibly hornyer than you well that may or may not be true but at least were in the same class!Hey remember"IF YOU DON`T HAVE ANYTHING GOOD TO SAY ,SAY IT OFTEN" So I say there is nothing wrong with you,so keep on banging away!!!

  Beans