Shunning - do JW's simply turn a blind eye to the consequences of it?

by jambon1 16 Replies latest jw friends

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  jambon1
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  nugget

  It is funny the JW mentality is not that shunning is something they do to someone else rather it is something the Df'd person has brought on themselves. This handy mind trick means that shunning is someone else's fault and hardship is a good thing for which they bear no responsibility. The analogies the society uses comparing discipline of children by parents to the more aggressive act of shunning reinforces the idea that it is a benign act done out of love. It also presents the idea that is isn't that harmful.

  Jws are also taught to think of shunning as a means of demonstrating loyalty to Jehovah and his organisation so their focus is on whether they have behave appropriately, not on whether shunning is hurting someone else's feelings. If they fail to shun they may often be wracked with guilt that they have offended Jehovah. So the Df'd person is turned into an object with no feelings and in order to return they must be repentant.

  Also because they have no contact with the shunned person they have no way of fully appreciating the impact of their actions. This is something that may be worth considering when looking to educate JWs.
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  ambersun

  Thanks for that nugget, that is excellently put and explains why JWs who are otherwise kind, compassionate individuals can behave in such a cold and heartless way towards former friends or even family members, with no apparent concern for the effects all this is having on the poor unfortunate soul who is being ostracised.

  To me, this is evidence in itself of the clever mind control techniques used by the organisation to keep its members in line, even succeeding in persuading members to willingly act against their natural instincts of love and protection towards family members in order to obey the leaders, which in their eyes is more important.

  The very thought of upsetting the WTS by failing to obey its commands causes more distress to many JWs than losing a close friend or family member. Quite frightening really! Fortunately, it appears that since the introduction of online sites like this there are increasingly more JWs who are starting to think for themselves and refusing to go along with all this shunning nonesense, thank goodness!!
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  Amelia Ashton

  Exactly right Nugget. I witnessed disfellowshipping announcements 3 weeks on the trot when I first started attending meetings. I was horrified. I cried when I got home, I felt desperately sorry for the people being disfellowshipped and that third week when the 7th person was disfellowshipped I told my study conductor I thought it was wrong and cruel.

  She explained it how nugget did, shunning was a kindness and for the best. The whole time I was a witness I never forgot my first experience of this practise and never fully accepted it. I always made a point of making eye contact or smiling at them or accidently bumping into them and having to say "sorry". I just wasn't capable of looking through them. Now I am glad I did although I felt guilty at the time.
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  ambersun

  Yes Amelia, I know exactly how you felt. At the very first meeting I ever attended I was stopped quite rudely by a large middle aged brother who literally jumped out into the aisle with his hand stretched out to stop me talking to a girl who was near my own age in her mid teens with a little baby. The man was the girl's own father! She had been disfellowshipped for fornication, and I had to watch her throughout the whole meeting and afterwards, trying to cope single handedly with her new baby while she was totally IGNORED by all the sisters who should have been helping her.

  I couldn't concentrate on the meeting because all I wanted to do was reach over and help the girl as she struggled with her baby. I was upset and appalled, and although many JWs tried to convince me that it was a 'loving arrangement' to ostracise the poor girl while she learned her lesson, I could not understand how seemingly nice, friendly people could behave so cruelly towards a young vulnerable girl.

  The thing is that many of those sisters had children themselves and would know how scary it is to be a new mother, possibly having post natal depression on top of all the normal concerns and worries. Most importantly of all, she was a very young, vulnerable, unmarried mother. I couldn't understand it at the time, but now I realise their total disregard for the girl and her baby must have been the result of very clever mind control by the WTS.

  I never did get a chance to talk to the poor girl as we started regularly attending a different congregation, but I have never forgotten that awful experience, and as you say Amelia, I always tried to find ways to acknowledge disfellowshipped people even if it was just to bump into them and say sorry. I wonder how many bruised arms we caused between us
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  mamalove

  Yes, they turn a blind eye to many inbalanced, and human based rules they promote.

  Consequences, they themselves suffer too. I think many of them are embarassed at the rules they have to follow. I think most humans are kind and nice, and to be forced to shun is unnatural. Some do not like confrontation like I believe one person in my family, so it is easy for them to continue the shunning because they don't have to deal with THINKING FOR THEMSELVES. The Watchtower makes it easy to exist, you just follow their ever changing rules and you are fine and dandy in and gods favor.
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  blondie

  I have seen many elders twist things so they can see their df'd family members--"necessary family affairs"

  1) One elder rode to work daily with his df'd son

  2) One elder called his son daily at work (the son sat next to an active jw and heard it daily)

  3) One elder "retained" his son as his personal physician

  4) One elder acted as his son's financial advisor and saw him weekly
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  im stuck in

  Shunning to me is so convoluted, the rank and file is taught that it will help to gain the person back to Jehovah so of course they try to follow direction. When in reality it is to keep you the Dfd one away from others for fear of causing more disruption in the organization. It is a very sad sad state that this religion is in. I have said this before but how ashamed I am to have ever participated in the disfellowshipping of many people except for the one pedofile that was thrown out never to return. That said I think things will change and they will be forced into making some kind of concession.

  You can not continue to trample on peoples civil rights forever, it is going to get them before too long. What all of us need to do is continue to spread the truth about the truth, that will now be my mission in life until I can not do it anymore. stuck in
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  ProdigalSon

  Of all the outrageous practices, shunning seems to be the one thing that really pisses people off. I'm quite pleased to see the demonstrations and protests starting up in various places.
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  Lozhasleft

  I agree with the previous posts..and wonder how it can be reconciled that ones who they apparently 'love' with this discipline can be so ignored even to the point of suicide...disgraceful.

  Loz x