The Prodigal Unbelieving Mate Returns

by Check_Your_Premises 20 Replies latest social relationships

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  Check_Your_Premises

  Hey all.

  A few of you might remember me. I showed up on a similar board a few years back because my wife was getting baptized.

  It was a difficult time but I was able to work through it with a lot of prayer and help from a lot of smart folks here.

  My wife has since left the organization, and the WT has faded into a tiny speck in our rearview mirror that we rarely talk about.

  I have enjoyed being free from the Watchtower Driven Life for awhile, and frankly I really needed it, but I also know that alot of people aren't so lucky.

  Insomnia and a sense of duty has compelled me to wander back in here. I figure that there are some who might benefit from my story and experience. I sure don't know what I would have done without some of the people here!

  So it is time for me to give back a little. So much was given to me.

  See you around.
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  Broken Promises

  Hello and welcome (back)!

  Was your wife a JW as a child who left and then came back to be baptised? How was your experience?
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  Check_Your_Premises

  My wife had JW influences when she was younger. Her parents didn't teach her much, but a nice JW lady would come by with literature and talk to her. She made a point to talk about various awful things about churches. So when my wife did shop around, those stood out to her. After awhile, when she was ready to consider a relationship with God, and how to raise the kids, the JW seemed the obvious choice.

  It was a difficult and painful experience for me. It did force me to grow, and to be a better father and husband. I guess I am glad for the experience in hindsight, but I sure didn't enjoy it!

  CYP
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  carla

  Hey CYP! Nice to hear from you again! same ol' by me but glad to hear yours got out!
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  wobble

  Glad you are back CYP , and willing to help others, that is lovely, so many move on and no longer post, I don't blame them, life is for living, and to a degree the time we spend here is not time spent living.

  But so many Newbies are joining all the time, with many differing problems, that I too feel obloged to be here and assist if I can, so many on JWN helped me as I left the cult, I owe a large debt.
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  garyneal

  My wife was a born in and later became disassociated (because of her relationship with me). But she still continued to attend the meetings as well as church with me. She celebrated the holidays and birthdays and we had a fairly normal life.

  However, I think thanks in large part to my being a spiritual person (with a desire to know God) and our marraige going through a lot of trials, she decided that the best place for her was the cult. She never fully accepted the idea that other churches could be just as valid as the WT even though I was (at the time at least) acceptable to the idea that the WT religion was simply another Christian sect.

  So with her recent rapid progression in the 'truth' and my research of this religion, she wound up baptized and I wound up a non-believing husband. Our debates over religion have largely subsided but I can see the cult side of her personality emerging more and more. It's a tough road but it is indeed making me grow too.

  How did you manage to get your wife out?
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  Check_Your_Premises

  Hey Carla. Hope you are doing well.

  "How did you manage to get your wife out?"

  That is kind of funny because for years that was the million dollar question for me. After a long time of dealing with the loss of control, the countless fights over holidays, the kids, we finally started to sort things out.

  In the mean time I truly concentrated on being a good husband, and making sure that she knew that I loved her no matter what.

  Then one day I realized that so many of the things I was worried about didn't matter. She was a witness, and I was ok with that. I started to realize that by presuming that I needed to get her out wasn't really showing her a lot of respect.

  One day I just kind of accepted it, and decided that I respected her choices even if I didn't agree with them. The kids were safe with regards to their religious choices, the blood thing. She loved me. I loved her.

  Then one day she told me she wanted to leave, and I just kind of shrugged and said, "ok"

  CYP
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  garyneal

  Then one day I realized that so many of the things I was worried about didn't matter. She was a witness, and I was ok with that. I started to realize that by presuming that I needed to get her out wasn't really showing her a lot of respect.

  There are a lot of lessons in that. One can be the fact that the harder we try to extract our spouses, the further we drive our spouses into the cult. Kind of like that whole, persecution complex thing. Another is that the harder we try to attain something, the more elusive it seems. Especially when that something is somewhat out of our immediate control.

  I remember learning a similar lesson in college. I wanted to hard to get my lower level electronics courses finished because I was looking at about a year's worth of classes to take required for my degree. However, the community college wasn't offering them at night when I could take them. I complained, and complained to no avail. I started looking everywhere for them but I could not find them when I could take them.

  Finally, I started taking a class at the local community college and another in a community college out of town. By the time I finished the second one, I finally accepted that I would be in this for a while and began accepting it. However, fortune glanced my way as the dean of the EE department at the University found out about my plight and made me a deal to exempt out of all those classes.

  Funny, I was actually starting to enjoy taking those classes when I finally got what I wanted. Without trying anymore.
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  TD

  Remember you well CYP. Nice to hear from you!
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  OnTheWayOut

  I remember CYP. Good to see ya, buddy. Great news about your wife. If she ever feels up to it, her point of view might be helpful here, also.