seperating anger for WT from my mom

by dogisgod 16 Replies latest jw friends

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  Awen

  So my point was that I agree with the above posters. You must move past this. She had her reasons and the defining one was that she was deceived by a mind-controlling cult. Many people have been done in by the WTS. So if you want to assign blame, assign it to the Governing Body.

  It is they who are ultimately responsible for the person your mother became. To be sure we all have free will and can listen or ignore what others say, but the GB is very good at what they do when it comes to coercing people to bend to their will.

  My advice, then is to forgive your mother. Assign blame where it rightly belongs, on the shoulders of the WTS.
• 

  jamiebowers

  Try looking at you mother as just another person and not your mother. It's easier to accept, forgive and understand her flaws if you can separate your needs fo a loving mother and your expectations of just another adult.
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  meangirl

  I think what people are missing here is that dogisgod said her mom did not force it on her 2 brothers but shoved it down her throat. I can totally relate. I had 3 brothers of course 2 were over 18 when mom learned the "truth" but the youngest brother was only 16 and he was not forced like me. I think it would be easier to take if you could look at it and say well mom did that to all of us but no she cannot say that. She has to painfully admit that it was only done to her and believe me that is VERY difficult to come to terms with. It is hard not to be a "victim" or take it personally when it so obvious was. Maybe it was because we were females and they were afraid we would get pregnant? I don't know. I can't wrap my head around the double standard.....All I can say is hang in there. Maybe try and focus your energy on something YOU enjoy and focus on YOU. That is what I am trying to do...
• 

  dogisgod

  Both my brothers were older. One 10yrs older and the other 6yrs older. My oldest brother molested me starting when I was 4. My other brother was diagnosed as a sociopath and was in and out of prison including 51/2 yrs for beating a young guy to death with a hammer. He was merciless in tormenting me and my mom always said, "what did you do to make him mad". My mom said my oldest brother wasn't "molesting" me, he was just "sexually experimenting". My other brother really was my mom's favorite. When he murdered that kid my mom said "well, that kid was a smart mouth". When this brother got out of prison he was found 3 days later in a vacant lot. He died of an overdose of cocain injection. Mother wouldn't believe it unless I went down to see him. It was really hard as the autopsy people had not even hosed him off. I never told my mom that he ODd I told her it was a heart attack. She lived for him and died 3 mos after him. My older brother lived in front of me for decades and we never discussed what happened. He dropped dead in October without a Will and so I'm going thru the legal system as my property is tied with his. My dad was my island of sanity. He died 15 yrs ago...natural causes. My mother nagged him out of everything he loved. The only thing she let him do was have a garden and it was magnificent. When he died she had me rototill the garden and plant grass. The day after he died I went to see if she was alright. Shewas cleaning house and had a headband on. She never wore a headband. It turned out that she had cut the waistband off my dad's underware after he died so as not to waste the waistband. My dad tried to get her out of the borg, even moving us to Baudette, Minnesota but she found them (very few) there. Other than suffering from "ophan envy" I tried to talk/reason with her but I might as well have hammered myself to death. It is hard to think of her as a "victim" since she was such a hard case. Any time I wanted to go somewhere or do something she would say "no, followed by some scripture". So she had "issues" but the WT really screwed every aspect of our lives. Everyone is dead now. I am the only one left and trying to extracate myself from all the shit. A "brother" has been visiting me and I told him I would never set foot in a KH again in my life. He still comes back but I just don't answer. I am very kind, empathetic, hysterically funny, loyal person but the past roots run so deep that I can't get out from it's shadow. I look at young women and think, " never underestimate your capability of fucking up your kids". I think I would have been a great mom but I didn't have kids. I didn't want to take that chance.
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  meangirl

  So sorry to hear about that. Your mom sounds like she was crazy and that is why she was attracted to the JW's. They tend to draw the crazies. There must be some sort of physocolgical condition where moms treat their daughters like crap and put their sons on pedastols. I don't understand it at all. It is almost as if they expected us to be nurturing towards our brothers.....I myself was molested by my oldest brother at the age of 4 and so I can relate to your pain. I also know the pain of when you finally have the nerve to come out and tell your parents who are supposed to protect you and they just dismiss you as if you don't count. There are no answers. The only thing I can say is time heals all wounds. I tell myself I am an adult. I am in control of my life now and the best thing I can do is to get on with MY life. I call the shots now. ME. That is what keeps me sane. Hang in there.
• 

  VIII

  I'm so sorry for what you went through. As meangirl noted above, the JWs do seem to attract the crazies. Believe me, I understand that. And the anger you feel for your mom.

  My sister holds an extreme amount of anger towards our mother for making us go to meetings, out in FS, etc. There is much more, but, suffice it to say that she will never, ever forgive our mother for being a JW and rubs it in her face any chance she gets. It has eaten her alive. My sister that is. Literally. She is dying now with cancer and can't remember why she is so mad at our mom. It is heart breaking.

  I haven't forgiven our Mom either. However, I try not to let it eat at me.

  Then again, I guess if I were over it I wouldn't be on this board. It is very helpful to read stories similar to mine. Hopefully time will have the desired result. Good luck on your legal issues.
• 

  gutted

  For me it was quite easy to seperate the two. Hate the SYSTEM, not the PEOPLE. Generally I see the people in the org as good people. I do understand others have more inderlying issues with their parents outside of just the system of the Watchtower, but for me this viewpoint is working.