Hello - I am hoping that some born-ins, still-ins, elders (ex), MS, etc. can help me with a question I have. What is the typical JW thought on seeking counseling via a licensed therapist or psychologist? My 12+ marriage has suffered since I decided to leave the Borg. My husband says that it is all my fault when in all actuality we have both changed. I guess all people do. I have recently suggested the two of us seeking counseling and he has thought of every reason for us NOT to go. (money, etc.) His latest was to tell me that the bible has all the advice that he needs and is it not good enough for me. What is he scared of?
JWs and Counseling/Psychologists/Therapists
by Had To Go 22 Replies latest jw friends
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baltar447
He's probably hiding behind the bible and parroting the tired old "bible has all the answers". He just may not want to own up to his issues. You go see a therapist even if he won't. It will do you good either way.
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Had To Go
parroting the tired old "bible has all the answers"
LOL...have you been listening in on our conversations? Sounds like something you may have said yourself before.
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brotherdan
My husband says that it is all my fault when in all actuality we have both changed.
That's not a good sign. When you go to counseling you both need to accept that there are things you BOTH need to work on. If he goes to therapy with that attitude he will try to turn it into a bashing session against you, most likely.
About the societies stance on therapy is in the elders manual. If you read closely it seems to discourage it, however it leaves it up to the individual. Page 55 paragraph 25 it says:
There are times when an emotionally distressed
Christian may seek professional help.
Whether a Christian or his family pursues treatment
from psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists is a
personal decision. An elder should not assume the responsibility
of recommending a specific practitioner
or facility. He may draw attention to or discuss material
in the publications that provides cautions regarding
therapies that may conflict with Bible principles.
(w88 10/1/15 pp. 28-29; w82 6/15 pp. 25-29; w75
pp. 255-256) While participating in group therapy by
a professional therapist is a matter for personal decision,
there could be a revealing of confidential facts
about other members of the Christian congregation
during such sessions if a Christian does not exercise
discretion. -
sir82
What is the typical JW thought on seeking counseling via a licensed therapist or psychologist?
Depends on the congregation.
It can range from [viewed as normal] to [grudgingly tolerated] to [condemned as a certain sign of spiritual weakness].
Officially, as in what is in print, the Watchtower "does not condemn or endorse" any medical procedure "so long as Bible principles are not violated".
Of course, since quite likely a large proportion of someone's mental or emotional distress could be traced back to just being a JW, and a competent therapist would suss that out pretty quickly, that "violation of Bible principles" issue would probably arise pretty quickly.
Over time, the stance of JWs in general has softened. Up thru the 70's or 80's, it was almost universally condemned in pretty strong language. Nowadays, as noted earlier, depending on the congregation, a little, some, or a lot of that old sentiment can be found.
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brotherdan
I think they are weary of it too because a sharply trained therapist will see the cult behavior and attempt to work it out. My wife's best friend went to therapy with her husband when they were both JWs (they are now divorced and she is no longer one), and the therapist confronted the cult mind-set right away.
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Had To Go
When you go to counseling you both need to accept that there are things you BOTH need to work on.
That is the problem. He has even ME questioning if I am the real problem and he has no horse in the race. He thinks that the downfall of our happiness was the day I left the KH. He asked me today to admit to myself, himself and everyone else that I won't be happy unless he is no longer a JW. Of course I would be ecstatic if that happened. Because I think this religion is what is driving a wedge in our marriage. Since I quit going he has been on a spiritual high and has yet to come down. I left this religion for a reason and it is still too big a part of my life and in my face DAILY.
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brotherdan
That spiritual high won't last forever, believe me. He's on his high horse right now because he feels like he is DOING what he is supposed to do. The organization calls him a spiritual widower and it sounds like he may be reveling in the glory of it all. But the organization is such a big illusion. He will come down.
What you need to do is plant little seeds where you can, while not being overly obvious about it.
YOU haven't done anything wrong in getting out of a cult. He is still stuck in the cult, so to him you look like a traitor. Let him think that for a while. But you can use this time to win him over. My wife was JUST like your husband in that I ruined our relationship by fading from the organization. But it has slowly gotten better. She now sees that I love her and she loves me in a way BEYOND the organization. We have much more in common than just a judgemental, legalistic publishing company.
What you need to do is be there for him when he falls from the lofty perch of this organizational concept.
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TotallyADD
When if comes to going to Therapists for help it takes great humility on your part. You realize you need help. This is a sign of maturity of your part. The problem is most witnesses fear therapy because deep down they know JW orgainization is the problem. So the cult mind set is they don't want to bring reproach on God's organization. Remember all the Bible reading, field service and attending meetings will not help your situation at all. Put getting the right communication tools which the counseling will give you is what will help both of you. I went to a therapist serveral years ago. I was the PO at the time and it help me to become a better husband and father and saved our marriage. Best of luck to you and your husband. With love show him you really care about his well being and only want your marriage to be more loving and stronger because what you are doing now is not working. A born-in but now fading Totally ADD
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Had To Go
Thanks for all of your comments and advice. It is so nice and extremely helpful to be able to "talk" to like-minded people who have been there and done that. It makes a terrible situation not feel quite as lonely as it otherwise is...