by leavingwt 54 Replies latest jw friends
Fear of having to think for yourself.
The Borg has all the answers. You are indoctrinated to believe you do not and can not figure things out for yourself. Without the protection of the organization, you are told, you will "fall prey to Satan's snares" and "return to the vomit" which are the "doctrines of Christendom. Gaining the confidence to think for yourself, and learning how to actually do so are hurdles for many.
GREAT post!! Even after being out 7/8 years I have so many irrational fears that hold me up. It'll be so freeing to get rid of those are and start going KA-RAY-ZY!
MindMelda -- your post was helpful too!! I espically like these points.
4. "Worldly" people have helped me when I was down, given me money without demanding repayment, given me succor, love, encouragement, healing, advice, love, and everything I was told I would only get from Witnesses. Except I never got that from Witnesses most of the time, and none of it without strings attached. Everything I got from the Witnesses was held hostage by their requirements of complete belief and servitude.
10. Armageddon? I'm more afraid of the Zombie Apocalypse! I'm stocking up on shotguns, beer and chips, plenty of boards and nails and some baseball bats.
Could anything be scarier than the Zombie Apocalypse? I don't think so...
bttt
Fear of "apostates"
Those that leave the organization (for any reason) are described in the vilest of terms. They are "proud and egotistical, hating authority, liars, deceivers and fornicators" and generally feared by the JWs. They will take extreme measures to avoid even making eye contact with ex-JWs, and may move their residence.
When I had my first encounter with an "apostate", I had a physical reaction. I was nervous, sweaty, had palpitations, and just walked out of the guy's house all shaky (after he had finished explaining everything he could, of course)
I was in denial. I refused to believe that what he was telling was true. Even though he never got baptised, he was looking with a "magnifying lens" at the imperfections of these men that had achieved spiritual truth!
I went through hell looking at "apostate" websites when I began my journey. I was so guilt ridden, and I believed I was so weak as to be tempted by Satan, yet I could not look away.
The truth really does set you free.
Decades after leaving and living a rather cosmopolitan life, I still have irrational fears. Exorcism movies terrify me. My mind thinks one way but my fears still pop up. The best I can do is recognize its origin and try to ignore it. When I was in sixth grade, the dance the twist was extremely popular. I twisted with my girlfriends so easily. My cousin, one year older, reprimanded me and screamed that I was a Watusi (a long time ago, it was an insult, not a compliment as now) andd that demons would get me. Dance skills out the window.
I so much wanted to attend mixers. My feet were riveted to the floor. I watched Soul Train to no avail. The Village Voice advertised dance instructors. I paid for one. The studio was in a skanky building. I was a fool for going alone. Thank God for gay men! Finally, I paid a hynoptist and it got me over the hump. All the outlay of money to do something that once was so natural. Going to mixers is impt for dating and work. You learn valuable social skills.
My activity here is another manifestation of a WT phobia. Little details grab my attention. I wage a battle against good and evil. All is black and white in my gut. Since college, I've studied academic lit. concerning the NT and the early Church. I want to knock the Witnesses out of memory completely. Some of it is good. My doggedness is irrational. I picture a divine court in my mind where God is weighing true religion. It is important to me that God condemn the Witnesses. A better attitude would be indifference.
Bottom line is that they still have power over me. Otherwise, I would be reading McCartney's site.
I remember when I saw the preview for the movie "Insidious". I had shaken my fear of demons and was itching to see a "demonized movie". I watched the entire thing, and wasn't scared at all. That was a great feeling.
-MF31-
For anyone who fears Satan, the Devil, or demons, I highly recommend C.S. Lewis' The Screwtape Letters. I was taking confirmation lessons and mentioned my fear of demons to a canon who looked like Rasputin so double fear. The canon was legendary for being nice and scary at the same time. He said not to worry, read Screwtape. Lewis was a lay theologican of the Church of England who wrote articles, books, etc. around WWII. They are Christian classics.
Screwtape is a senior demon giving instructions to his nephew in the field, Wormwood, about how to defeat Our Enemy (God). They are so funny I cried laughing so hard. The theology is simple and elegant. I cherish the book so much.
If I had to name my top five books of all time, Screwtape would be on the list.
Lewis unWitnessed me. I never viewed the devil in the same light. Lewis warns that it is dangerous to take Satan seriously. His major point is that Satan and God are not equals. The battle was won before it ever started.
I've spoken to many within my church who believe that Jesus and Lucifer had to be good friends in heaven. They see reconciliation to God as the goal, not destruction.
BTTT, Peace out, Mr. Flipper
bttt
It diminishes greatly over time. Some items, though, decades later I still have. I try to observe the fear. Mark it as related to child hood brainwashing and ignore it. Cognitive therapy experience helps. Your thoughts can create feellings. Change the thoughts and feelings change. It is not a simple process, IMO
