I just heard of an old friend of mine who just DA'd. Just announced at his old KH. If this describes you, we might be friends (in real life). Drop me a PM.
Recently DA'd former elder? You might know me!
by Mad Sweeney 11 Replies latest jw friends
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leavingwt
FWIW, I've learned this over the past three years. . .
MOST of the people who are DF'd and DA'd have NOT deconstructed WT for what it is. A majority are of them are still "captive to the concept" that WT is God's Organization. Further, many of the folk who aren't still 'captive' are unable to associate with known 'apostates', as this would cause them great hardship for a variety of social and economic
Proceed with caution, should you decide to 'reach out' to him, more directly.
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thetrueone
What LeavingWt says is absolutely true, DA or DF many times will take a subjective stand supporting the WTS.
even if they have been given the proverbial boot.
Another thing to keep in mind is, if this person has established within themselves that they are indirectly
wanting to get reinstated back into their congregation, they can be notoriously disingenuous toward people who have previously made their exit
out of the Kingdom Hall. WATCH OUT and be extremely careful making any assertive relationship with these individuals.
You may just be setting yourself up for a regrettable experience.
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leavingwt
What thetrueone says above needs to be repeated. I have a recent, personal experience with this. (A DF'd person feigned friendship to get gossip details to report to some elders. It was no big deal, but it speaks volumes about the person's character mental state.)
Another thing to keep in mind is, if this person has established within themselves that they are indirectly
wanting to get reinstated back into their congregation, they can be notoriously disingenuous toward people who have previously made their exit
out of the Kingdom Hall. WATCH OUT and be extremely careful making any assertive relationship with these individuals.
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thetrueone
Another real and unfortunate aspect of creating friendships with people who've recently have disassociated themselves with the JW organization is
depending on the individual , is they tend to be a bit wild and irresponsible, which is easily understand since these people have been put under
a great amount of controlling oppression.
I myself just about caught up with a guy who I grew up with as JWS and who had been recently DFed,
instinctively his approaching attempts to contact me didn't quite work as I knew pretty much what his personality and character would be like,
good thing I did, he's now serving a long prison sentence for drug trafficking.
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Finally-Free
(A DF'd person feigned friendship to get gossip details to report to some elders. It was no big deal, but it speaks volumes about the person's character mental state.)
This reminds me of an experience I had a few years back. I knew an ex-jw who, for some unknown reason, considered getting reinstated, and went to the hall I DA'd from. It didn't take long for me to start hearing some of the gossip about me, particularly from some elders. I had a feeling they were deliberately talking shit about me in an effort to get "one last kick at the cat", knowing this person would relay everything to me. Since I have no living JW family anymore, this was the only way they could still push my buttons from a distance like typical JW cowards.
This BS ended when the individuals were advised they might be hit with a defamation suit.
W
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villabolo
Thetrueone:
" What LeavingWt says is absolutely true, DA or DF many times will take a subjective stand supporting the WTS.
even if they have been given the proverbial boot."
I've known former gangbangers and some heavily tattooed individuals who have replied with indignation when I said that it wasn't "the truth". They always say the same thing, "I know it's the truth but I'm not ready to go back yet".
I've known those who have been inactive for well over a decade who scream in defense of the Bitchtower when I told them it wasn't "the truth".
And yes, ex-JWs will gladly make friends with you and then abandon you when they get back into that swamp.
Villabolo
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LongHairGal
LEAVINGWT and VILLABOLO:
The tattle-tale experience you describe is exactly why I have not revealed my identity. I would love to get in touch with some people from this board who I perceive would be very nice to know but there is always the risk they would go back to the religion at some point and be in a 'confessing' state of mind.
Not only that, the religion might make it a condition of their reinstatement that they DIVULGE what or who they know who posts here!!! Think about that! Now, this means absolutely nothing to those people on this board who are DF'd or DA'd - but it can mean a whole pile of trouble and aggravation to anybody who is a fader.
FINALLY-FREE:
I know what it is like to be talked about even if you don't go anymore. I am a 'fader' but I suspect that a person who Dissociates themselves is the most hated of all which is why they will tear your reputation to shreds.
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Iamallcool
http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/members/private/205123/1/Just-to-let-you-know
The elders have not asked me about it just yet.
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Mad Sweeney
Thanks so much for the advice. Experience is a great teacher and you guys have it. I will proceed with utmost caution.
I was frankly hoping the guy is another regular here and that we've been fading side by side without even knowing it. If I get a PM from a noob or a stranger, be assured I'll not give any incriminating info away. But if it's the guy I used to know, word from the people still in (the few who talk to me and are sympathetic to my fade) is that he is completely isolated and the rumor mill has him running off with another woman.
We were friends once, and maybe I'm naive but I'd like to think that's still worth something now that we have something in common again.
Any more advice, let me have it. This is my first time down this particular road.
Oh, here's a question (I can guess the answer): My wife suggested we stop by his house to see him while the rest of his family is at meeting. Bad idea, right?