fading and need some support

TheLoveDoctor

First i am an ex pioneer of 2-3years ago and an ex elder of 9 months ago stepping down 12 months ago and stopped commenting for about 11 months. Prior to my enlightenment/awakening I was very active and an elder that spread the love to the congragation.

Their has been very little shepparding by the elders witch im glad about, however 2 month goning on 3 I'v put 0 hours in service and reported 0. The memorial is comming up. Im expecting someone or sometwo to talk with me. I have to watch what I say cause I got family in the place(cant call it the truth anymore). So give me please some suggestions on how a very active ex elder can respond to the type of questions u know ill be asked. I have no beef with anyone in my congregation including the elders It with the Leadership. I believe we have some here that can understand me. Just looking for some suggestions please and thank you in advance.

Witness My Fury

I'm in similar position to you fading 2 yrs+ ....From what others have said you have two choices and you may end up doing both.

1. Lie, suppress, evade. This works short term and gives you room to sort yourself out. Also useful if you have family to consider. Long term it drains you and you start to hate yourself for not being truthful and making a stand.

2. Fess up and be honest when asked. Although "I have doubts" will be forgiven more easily than "I dont believe x y z". Going this route will bring you flack and could end up in DF, but when option 1 has run it's course and starts to wear the nerves then option 2 starts to look like being worth it.

I am at option 2. Having just read COJs The Gentile Times Reconsidered this week it has totally confirmed the 587 date for me (thanks) and now obviously the Watchtower is just another cult to me. However I have much to lose here if word gets to the elders that I dont believe and finally stop going altogether.

But I intend to have the long delayed conversation with my mother this week (timing is terrible)..it was going to be last night but we had visitors, so now I'm aiming for tonight...

Only you know your situation and can make a plan that satisfies both yourself and to some extent accomodates your family,..

flipper

THELOVEDOCTOR- If you have JW family still in you will have to be cautious in what you say. That is - if you don't want to get harassed by the elders constantly. Having been an elder yourself- I'm sure you're aware of that. I agree with Witness My Fury that if you say you have " doubts " that will go down easier than saying you " disagree " with the WT society. Another tactic some have used is saying they are just " burned out " or " depressed " or just " down ". If elders get nosy and intrusive, just tell them, " Well thanks for your interest. But I'm working some things out on my own right now. " That should stifle them somewhat.

I disagree with the first poster about confessing ANYTHING . You don't OWE them any confession about what goes on in your head, your heart, OR your personal life. It's YOUR life , not the ELDERS life. These guys are only men. They bleed red like you and me. As JW's we were conditioned to be in fear of these guys - but that was due to the mind control tactics of the WT society. There is nothing to fear as long as you don't divulge TOO much about what you are up to in your life. If you value your JW relatives- take my word on it, do NOT divulge too much to elders. They have an uncanny knack for gossiping and influencing family members against one another. I know, have had it happen to me with JW relatives. Just be careful. I'm still socializing with my JW parents because I watch WHAT I say. Do similar and you'll be fine and maintain your JW relatives association. Good luck to you ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper

Black Sheep

It depends on who you are talking to.

If it is someone who will stuff up your chances of helping your family out, you would treat them very differently to the family members you want to help.

Every warning the WT gave you about those nasty apostates ........... they were listening to too. If you ever want to help someone out, you need to remember that. They have no qualms about not telling the whole truth to those they feel don't deserve it ........... you need to do the same.

If you play by their rules ...... you lose.

Chris

TheLoveDoctor

thank u all for your comments and experience. And may wt and any type of control group fall asap with as little damage to the victims as possible and may all human being wake up to life and what is truly important like treating one another as one.

finallysomepride

Hi

I really can't offer any advise, but my thoughts are with you

Kevin

nugget

We were in a similar position to you, my husband was an elder and stepped down once he realised that the organisation was not truth in any sense of the word. He stayed an elder until he realised that he could not make a difference to those in the hall as the pressure from some on the body and the way they reveled in their power meant he had limited effect. We faded stopped attending meetings including the memorial and reduced our hours on service over time. During this time I spoke to my mother about my doubts telling her I thought that the GB had lost their way and that recent doctrinal changes disturbed me deeply. We talked over time about the changes in the wording of baptism questions, the overlapping generation, how the new songs glorify the GB, how Jesus is no longer our mediator and the downgrading of the Faithful and discreet slave so only the GB can interpret gods will. She was firmly entrenched in her beliefs but could understand my point of view and was herself annoyed by some of the changes.

We eventually were confronted by the elders and manged to overt the inevitable by saying we had doubts and needed time to work things out. My husband told them he was depressed and just couldn't cope with the added pressure. The important questions were did we believe in the organisation and did we appreciate the need to share with others what we learnt? At that time we were able to give appropriate responses and were passed as weak but harmless.

Later the elders managed to get into my husbands facebook account and from there to JWN. They found out our screen names and pulled off our posts and came back. At that point we told them we stood by what we had written and they should do as they saw fit. We told them we wanted no involvement in the process and as officers of the religion it was their job to determine who belonged and who didn't. We were ready at that point to make the stand having laid some of the groundwork and had started with a new life and made some new friends. We could not agree that the governing body were gods representatives on earth and that alone was sufficient to Df us. Thanks to our cyber stalker we made an exit. We realised inside and fading we could be of limited help to others, by exiting fully we are somewhere to go if people feel the need.

I would suggest you prepare yourself, talk to family in a non threatening way, start making new friends. Protect your JWN identity and you will know when you are ready and when you can make a stand.

tia.dalma

the elders managed to get into my husbands facebook account and from there to JWN

You shoudn't have linked anything from JWN to ypur facebook account - at least not to ypur real facebook account. That was your mistake.

Mad Sweeney

Be as vague as possible, and if you can avoid face to face contact (eg. if you can just send them an email) even better.

"I'm having some issues right now that I have to take care of. Thanks so much for your loving kindness, brothers, I really appreciate it, but this is something I am working out on my own right now, privately. When I'm ready to discuss it with you, I will contact you. Thanks for understanding."

They may not like it, but there's a chance they'll respect it and leave you alone for awhile. It's just a stalling tactic, though. It is unlikely they'll give up if they keep seeing your family at the KH every week. So it's time to work on your family, as well.

How do they feel about your fade? Have you hit them with anything apostate yet? If not, good. Don't.

Take the lead in Family Worship Night and read ONLY the Bible. Focus on scriptures that contradict Watchtower doctrine or that the WT tends to avoid/ignore because it doesn't fit in line with their dogma. Read scriptures together with your family and ask them what the scripture said. Make sure they say it out loud. (For instance, you may read Revelation 7:9 and then Revelation 19:1, then ask: "Who are these verses talking about?" Once identified, ask: "Where does the verse say they are?") You will see the cognitive dissonance on their face.

You can do the same thing with Christ saying "you will be witnesses of me" in Acts, not judging people based on holiday participation in Romans 14, Jesus answering prayers in John 14, or any other non-JW types of verses that speak for themselves. It is important not to tell what they mean or what you think they mean. Let the verses themselves cause dissonance. This does two things.

One, it protects you from liability because you never came out and said "holidays are ok" or "the great crowd goes to heaven" at all. The Bible did.

Two, it lets the Bible, which JWs believe is God's direct, literal, and inerrent word, contradict the Watchtower doctrine itself. That's powerful to a person of faith.

It will perhaps take several weeks or months of this sort of Family Worship night for your family to wake up, but the dissonance should open them to questioning and examining the Bible alone fairly quickly because no matter how mentally enslaved one is, there is someone in there starving for freedom.

Good luck. We're all with you and your family.

Reader1

I agree with some of the posters here, give excuses like burned out, tired, etc.

Be sweet and kind, thank them for their concern and tell them you're working on it, and that they are right, you should do more.

Smile, grin, and bear it, then move on.

Slowly you will fall off their radar.

I liked the phrase "Yeah, I've got some issues." Sufficiently vage that it could mean almost anything, and yet ominous enough that no one really wants to pry.

fading and need some support

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