Jeff:
What I think might work is to leave an actual file folder [the old paper sort] in the men's room or under a stack of literature on the counter, so that the elders would be alerted.
Better yet, make it a letter-sized manila envelope full of Apostate™ documentation, addressed to yourself (no return address), postmarked from the next state over, sealed and with the words PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL stamped across the front and back.
My money is on it being turned over to the Elders™, steamed open to view the contents, before being returned to you for interrogation. However, they can't really approach someone whose privacy they have breached by opening a sealed envelope with the words PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL stamped across the front. They also can't make accusations of Apostacy™ against someone to whom a sealed envelope was addressed but not opened by the intended recipient, especially when it is coming from out-of-state.
Don't people get unsolicited mail all the time?
I'd love to do that just to make the Elders™ squirm, knowing that they've violated my privacy and not being able to do anything about it.