Keeping JW's as Friends - Healthy? - New Awake Article

by GOrwell 19 Replies latest jw friends

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  GOrwell

  Kidding about that awake article title - I know it sounds like the title of an Awake article, please forgive me :)

  But seriously, do you think it's healthy to maintain friendships with people who are Jehovah's Witnesses? When is it time to "move on," even if they don't seem to want to?

  I am not DF'd or DA'd or anything, and so far am not considered "bad association" in the (im)moral sense of the phrase, so these folks feel free to still have regular assocation with me. My last meeting was about 4 months ago. I don't have many/any "other" friendships cultivated at all, and am pretty inverted, but am defintely not in the Truth(tm). These friends are not really aware of my current beliefs, if any, and seem to prefer to keep it that way. They aren't really "preachy" at all when we do hang out.

  What do you think? Did you "move on" completely, and leave all your friends behind when you left, or did/would you keep them if you could?
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  Lunatic Faith

  If they are willing to remain friends without any pressure to re-associate, then I say "Don't fix what aint broke." Enjoy their association but also start expanding your association so when/if they decide you are bad association you have other friends to fall back on. They are the ones that practice exclusion, not us.
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  factfinder

  I did not give up my JW friends- they gave me up! I am not Df'd or DA either but no one from the cong has anything to do with me and hasn't for many years. I do not mind. They were fake.
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  GOrwell

  Agreed - I am in a very unusual situation! It would seem these people are not fake.. I've known them for some time now, but I'm sure they're attitude would change if I started attending Church. I can appreciate the "if it's not broke" idea, but would it be better just to cut ties on my own terms, and retain some semblance of emotional control or power?
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  wobble

  If your aim is to move on from JW's, where do you want to arrive at ???

  My aim is to be as much like a normal person, who has never been a JW, as possible.

  Normal people do not give a poop in friendships what religion you have, or if you do not have one, they do not ask.

  If you really, really enjoy these JW friendships, why cut them off?

  I find though that because of my special knowledge, I am always thinking of not treading on their toes, I am always having to bite my tongue, that does not make a true friendship.

  I find I can only truly relax and be open with normal people, who don't mind if I Eff & Blind or blaspheme, for Chrissakes!

  How can they really be your friends when you are having to hide so much of your real thinking. There will always be that "Elephant in the room"

  If I was going to move on from JW friends I would do it slowly and gently so they do not get the impression you suddenly dropped them, let the friendship wither.
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  Murray Smith

  I'm with most of the above . . . at first I wanted to dissociate then thought to "dissociate" is a purely JW idea. I don't want to dissociate with anybody on those terms and give them support in attaching thier 'labels' by giving myself one.

  I still maintain a mixture of JW, non-JW and XJW friends and treat them all the same . . . to do anything else means the cults ideas still have a hold on me . . . but they don't anymore . . . come to think of it . . . I'm at the moment staying with an X-brother (because of the NZ Earthquake) whose Wife is still a baptised Witness.

  Just to add to the mix . . . a JW 'preacher' wandered up the path yesterday and we talked about Geology and seismology (which I have a degree in and he knew sweet FA) . . . talked for over half hour with not a bible or mag to be seen . . . nice chat
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  Vidiot

  Actually, this sounds like a Witchtower article.
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  wasblind

  Most of the JW's from the old cong still speak when they see me

  I keep it brief, cause I hate when they say " we miss you "

  How can you speak for everyone else with that "we" they never say "I" miss you.

  What they are really sayin' is " how come your not at the meetings "

  I find it best not to have them as a part of my life as long as they

  are associated with the cult because they do not live normal lives

  I don't need people in cult think mode in my life.
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  OnTheWayOut

  I did not give up my JW friends- they gave me up! I am not Df'd or DA either but no one from the cong has anything to do with me and hasn't for many years. I do not mind. They were fake.

  I have to agree with that. Even my best friend gave up on me. I will forgive him when/if he wakes up. The rest, I couldn't care less about. I guess we were not genuine friends at all. I have made great genuine friends since then.

  Your JW friends may be genuine, at least some of them. They may need a "weak" friend to show them the path out of there. But as you say, if you were to go to a church, things would have to change. They are in a dangerous mind-control cult. It would be inevitable.

  I think it boils down to how far you need to go in your move away from WTS and how much you need to be open about it. If you feel the need to celebrate holidays or birthdays and cannot do it covertly, if you feel the need to go to church and cannot do it silently or secretly, you may need to cut ties.

  It's not giving up on them if you just fade from them. You are respecting their feelings. But if friends were not entirely abandoning me, I would try to keep some kind of contact because of my definition of "friend." I would attempt to help them to some degree. I do understand that it gets complicated when family, particularly children, are put into the mix here. But I don't really have that problem.

  Regardless of what you do, you have inspired me to reach out to my [former] best friend. I cannot directly tell him that WTS is a dangerous cult, but I will let him know that I have not abandoned him.
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  DesirousOfChange

  If you plan to pursue things in life that would get you DFd and you want to avoid that, then I would limit the association with JW friends.