Comments You Will Not Hear at the 03-13-11 WT Study (JANUARY 15, 2011, pages 13-17)(MARRIAGE)
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R ESPECT M ARRIAGE AS
A G IFT F ROM G OD
“That is why a man will leave his father and his
mother and he must stick to his wife and they must
become one flesh.”—GEN. 2:24.
OPENING COMMENTS
One study technique is to think of what you already know about the topic and what the WTS has said in the past.
In what way did God instruct Adam and Eve about marriage? How successful was that considering the first marriage failed? Adam and Eve had never seen a marriage in action.
START OF ARTICLE
1. Why does Jehovah deserve our respect?
JEHOVAH GOD, the Originator of marriage,
surely deserves our respect. As our
Creator, Sovereign, and heavenly Father, he
is rightly described as the Giver of “every
good gift and every perfect present.” (Jas. 1:
17; Rev. 4:11) This is a manifestation of his
great love. (1 John 4:8) Everything he has
taught us, everything he has asked of us,
everything he has given to us has been only
for our welfare and benefit.—Isa. 48:17.
COMMENTS
How could marriage have been a good gift if Adam and Eve were not properly prepared for marriage? The WTS taught that Eve was created less than a year after Adam; considering her age, was she prepared?
Does information today come from God or only as the WTS/FDS/GB explains it?
2. What instructions did Jehovah give to the first
married couple?
2 The Bible presents marriage as one of
these “good” gifts from God. (Ruth 1:9; 2:
12) When he performed the first wedding,
Jehovah gave the couple, Adam and Eve,
specific instructions on how to succeed.
(Read Matthew 19:4-6.) If they had followed
God’s direction, they would have enjoyed
permanent happiness. However, they
foolishly disregarded God’s command and
suffered terrible consequences.—Gen. 3:6-
13,16-19, 23.
COMMENTS
Are there “bad” gifts?
Adam and Eve did not have parents to leave…………
The first marriage failed because another person interfered…..
3, 4. (a) How are many today disrespecting both
marriage and Jehovah God? (b) What examples will
we consider in this article?
3 Like that first couple, many people today make
Marital decisions with little or no
regard for Jehovah’s direction. Some reject
marriage outright, while others try to redefine
it to suit their own desires. (Rom. 1:
24-32; 2 Tim. 3:1-5) They ignore the fact
that marriage is a gift from God, and by dis-
respecting that gift, they also disrespect the
Giver, Jehovah God.
COMMENTS
“Some redefine it [marriage] to suit their own desires.”
WTS taught that spouses could not scripturally divorce on the grounds of homosexuality or bestiality.
***w56 10/1 p. 591 par. 20 Marriage Obligations and Divorce***Sodomy (or the unnatural intercourse of one male with another male as with a female), Lesbianism (or the homosexual relations between women), and bestiality (or the unnatural sexual relations by man or woman with an animal) are not Scriptural grounds for divorce. They are filthy, they are unclean, and God’s law to Israel condemned to death those committing such misdeeds, thus drastically putting these out of God’s congregation. But such acts are not adultery with the opposite sex, making the unclean person one flesh with another of the opposite sex. (Rom. 1:26-32)
***w72 1/1/ p. 32 Questions From Readers***While both homosexuality and bestiality are disgusting perversions, in the case of neither one is the marriage tie broken. It is broken only by acts that make an individual “one flesh” with a person of the opposite sex other than his or her legal marriage mate.
But
*** w77 10/1 p. 607 Questions From Readers*** Adultery, homosexuality and bestiality were bases for ending a marriage.
4 At times, even some of God’s people lose
clear sight of Jehovah’s view of marriage.
Some Christian couples decide to separate,
or they divorce without having Scriptural
grounds to do so. How can this be avoided?
How can God’s direction at Genesis 2:24
help married Christians to strengthen their
marriage? And how can those who are contemplating
marriage prepare for it? Let us
look at three successful marriages in Bible
times that illustrate how respect for Jehovah
is a vital key to a lasting marriage.
COMMENTS
How many divorces among jws have you seen as a jw? In my area, it averages about 50% like “the world.” But some jw elders don’t count it as a jw divorce if one or both were da’d, df’d, or inactive when the divorce was final.
I can think of 2 “Christian” couples that decided to separate and/or divorce without having Scriptural grounds.
Charles Taze Russell separated from his wife Maria and later divorced…without a scriptural basis.
Joseph F. Rutherford separated from his wife Mary ostensibly because of her health. What the WTS neglects to mention is that Rutherford lived in southern California at Beth Sarim because of his health…but they did not live together.
***Proclaimers book (jv) chap. 7 p. 89 Advertise the King and the Kingdom! (1919-1941)*** Brother Rutherford was survived by his wife, Mary, and their son, Malcolm. Because Sister Rutherford had poor health and found the winters in New York (where the Watch Tower Society’s headquarters were located) difficult to endure, she and Malcolm had been residing in southern California, where the climate was better for her health.
---------------Was it when he was 72 that Rutherford first started living at Beth Sarim?
(Ibid) Brother Rutherford, 72 years of age, survived the surgery. Shortly thereafter he was taken to a residence in California he had named Beth-Sarim. It was evident to his loved ones, and to medical experts, that he would not recover. In fact, he required further surgery.
*** p. 76
Brother Rutherford had a severe case of pneumonia after his release from unjust imprisonment in 1919. Thereafter, he had only one good lung. In the 1920’s, under a doctor’s treatment, he went to San Diego, California, and the doctor urged him to spend as much time as possible there. From 1929 on, Brother Rutherford spent the winters working at a San Diego residence he had named Beth-Sarim. Beth-Sarim was built with funds that were a direct contribution for that purpose. The deed, which was published in full in “The Golden Age” of March 19, 1930, conveyed this property to J. F. Rutherford and thereafter to the Watch Tower Society.
--------------So from 1929 to 1942, why did not Joseph and Mary Rutherford live together? So were either one subject to the loss of privileges or were they instead the head of the WTS until the day they died?
Cultivate Loyalty
5, 6. What situation may have tested Zechariah
and Elizabeth, and how was their loyalty rewarded?
5 Zechariah and Elizabeth did all the right
things. Each married a spiritually-minded
partner. Zechariah faithfully carried out his
priestly duties, and both of them kept God’s
Lawto the best of their ability. They certainly
had much to be thankful for. Yet, if
you had visited their home in Judah, you
would have soon realized that something
was missing. They had no children. Elizabeth
was barren, and both of them were
well up in years.—Luke 1:5-7.
COMMENTS
So did Jewish women have any personal choice in who became their husband? What if their father chose a non-Jew, could they refuse to marry them?
***Insight (it-1) p. 436 Child, Children ***Parental authority was also manifest in marriage inasmuch as the parents selected wives for their sons or made arrangements for the marriage. (Ge 21:21; Ex 21:8-11; Jg 14:1-3)
6 In ancient Israel, childbearing was highly
esteemed, and families were often quite
large. (1 Sam. 1:2, 6, 10; Ps. 128:3, 4) An Israelite
man back then might treacherously
divorce his wife if she bore him no children.
Zechariah, though, loyally stayed with Elizabeth.
He did not look for an easy way out of
their marriage, nor did his wife. Although
having no children saddened them, they
continued to serve Jehovah together faithfully.
Miraculously, in time Jehovah richly
rewarded them with the birth of a son in
their old age.—Luke 1:8-14.
COMMENTS
Why was childbearing to esteemed that barrenness was a reproach? Perhaps because every Israelite woman wanted to be the one who gave birth to Messiah? Or carry on the family name? While the law did not allow Jewish men to divorce barren wives, they could marry other women who were fertile. But they could divorce their wives for doing something “indecent” what that meant.
(Deuteronomy 24:1) . . .“In case a man takes a woman and does make her his possession as a wife, it must also occur that if she should find no favor in his eyes because he has found something indecent on her part, he must also write out a certificate of divorce for her and put it in her hand and dismiss her from his house.
-----------------------------------------
What other women were barren? Rebekah, Sarah, Rachel, Hannah, Samson’s mother.
7. In what other way did Elizabeth prove loyal to
her husband?
7 Elizabeth showed commendable loyalty
in yet another way. When her son, John,
was born, Zechariah could not speak because
he had been struck with speechlessness
for questioning God’s angel. Yet, Zechariah
must have communicated to his wife
in some way that Jehovah’s angel had told
him to name the boy “John.” The neighbors
and relatives wanted to name the boy after
his father. But Elizabeth loyally upheld her
husband’s direction to her. She said: “No,
indeed! but he shall be called John.”—Luke
1:59-63.
COMMENTS
“in some way” why the mystery, she could have lip read what he said silently or he could have written it out (which is plainly stated in the Bible).
So was it likely that Elizabeth would have not supported or been loyal to Zechariah as to the name of their child?
8, 9. (a) How does loyalty strengthen a marriage?
(b)What are some specific ways in which a husband
and wife can show loyalty?
8 Like Zechariah and Elizabeth, married
couples today face disappointments and
other challenges. A marriage without loyalty
will not flourish. Flirtation, pornography,
adultery, and other threats to a wholesome
marriage can irreparably destroy marital
trust. And when trust within a marriage
breaks down, love begins to wither. In some
ways, loyalty is like a protective fence around
the family home that keeps out unwelcome
visitors and threats, providing a measure of
security for those inside the home. Thus,
when a husband and wife are loyal to each
other, they can reside together safely and
open their heart to each other, letting their
love grow. Yes, loyalty is vital.
COMMENTS
Will any relationship survive without trust and loyalty?
Why flirtation?
I can't count the amount of times I've been approached by a friend who struggles with these definitions. Usually an episode within their love-life brings some serious questions into their minds. Where does the line of flirting begin and end? Can flirting be considered cheating? Can flirting lead to cheating? In marriage, what are the rules?
First of all, I looked up the word, flirting, and two definitions came up. In the first instance, flirting is defined as, "playful behavior intended to arouse sexual interest". In the second occurrence, the definition of the word is, "to behave amorously without serious intent, to show superficial or casual interest". The text definitions are as contrary as the opinions of married and dating people around the world. Some people might ask themselves why a married person would want to flirt with another person other than their spouse. It's a question that fuels a fire in the mind.
|
The truth of the matter is that flirting seems to be a harmless interaction between friends or acquaintances.
With that being said, there should be a line that isn't ignored or crossed. When you're dating someone casually, there are no rules in the game. Being married is a whole different world...a world of commitment and promises. And with those promises come a responsibility to your partner to be faithful.
http://www.essortment.com/marriage-advice-whats-flirting-whats-cheating-36639.html
9 Jehovah told Adam: “A man will leave
his father and his mother and he must stick
to his wife.” (Gen. 2:24) What does that
mean? Former ties to friends and relatives
have to be adjusted. Each mate must first
give the other his or her time and attention.
Friends and relatives can no longer take priority
at the expense of the new family; nor
should the couple allow parents to interfere
in family decisions or disagreements. The
couple must now stick to each other. That is
God’s direction.
COMMENTS
But Adam had no parents to leave. He had no friends or relatives
“Nor should the couple allow” the elders “ “to interfere in family decisions or disagreements.”
10. What will help marriage mates to cultivate loyalty?
10 Even in religiously divided households,
loyalty brings rewards. A sister with an unbelieving
mate says: “I am so thankful to Jehovah
for teaching me how to be in subjection
to my husband and have deep respect
for him. Staying loyal has resulted in 47
years of sustained love and respect.” (1 Cor.
7:10, 11; 1 Pet. 3:1, 2) So work hard to make
your marriage mate feel secure. By your
words and actions, look for ways to reassure
your mate that to you, he or she is the most
important person on earth. To the extent
that it depends on you, do not let anyone or
anything come between you and your mate.
(Read Proverbs 5:15-20.) Ron and Jeannette,
who have been happily married for
over 35 years, say, “Because we loyally do
what God requires of us, we have a happy,
successful marriage.”
COMMENTS
So while women and some men are told to be loyal to their non-jw spouses, what about ex-jw spouses?
Unbelieving = nonjw (as if nonjws have no valid religious beliefs) = aren’t ex-jws nonbelievers?
Or is it something of the past with 35 to 47 years of marriage?
Is the non-jw truly “the most important person on earth”? Or is any jw considered more important than the non-jw mate?
*** w8811/1p.22par.8WhenMaritalPeaceIsThreatened***If the unbeliever chooses to depart, the Christian will let him go. But the believer, hoping that the unbeliever may be won over to Christianity, will not initiate the breakup.
Unity Strengthens Marriage
11, 12. How did Aquila and Priscilla cooperate
(a) at home, (b) in their secular work, and (c) in the
Christian ministry?
11 When the apostle Paul spoke about his
close friends Aquila and Priscilla, he did not
mention one without the other. This united
couple is a good example of what God
meant when he said that a husband and a
wife should become “one flesh.”
(Gen. 2:24) They constantly
worked together in their home,
in their secular work, and in
the Christian ministry. For example,
when Paul first arrived
in Corinth, Aquila and Priscilla
kindly invited him to stay in
their home, which he apparently
used for a time thereafter as a
base for his activities. Later, in
Ephesus , they used their home
for holding congregation meetings
and worked together to help
new ones, such as Apollos, to grow
spiritually. (Acts 18:2, 18-26) This zealous
couple then went to Rome, where they
again opened their home for congregation
meetings. Later, they returned to Ephesus,
strengthening the brothers.—Rom.16:3-5.
COMMENTS
United “one flesh” “constantly worked together”
What about elders? Do they constantly work together with their wives? How many wives did you know that rarely saw their husbands? How many ended up divorced? I can think of 10 right now.
*** w99 6/1 p. 19 par. 17 Appreciating the “Gifts in Men”*** What about the wives of the elders? Do they not also deserve our consideration? After all, they are sharing their husbands with the congregation. This often calls for sacrifices on their part. Occasionally, elders must spend evening hours caring for congregation matters when they could otherwise be spending time with their families. In many congregations faithful Christian women are willingly making such sacrifices so that their husbands can care for Jehovah’s sheep.—Compare 2 Corinthians 12:15.
12 For a time, Aquila and Priscilla also
worked with Paul in their common trade,
tentmaking. Again, we find the couple together,
cooperating without competition or
strife. (Acts 18:3) Surely, though, it was
the time they spent together in Christian
activities that kept their marriage on
a high spiritual plane. Whether in Corinth,
Ephesus , or Rome, they became widely
known as “fellow workers in Christ Jesus.”
(Rom.16:3) They worked side by side to further
the Kingdom-preaching work wherever
they served.
COMMENTS
“cooperating without competition or strife”—so what is this point? Are we to think that Aquila and Priscilla never had an argument just because it is not recorded in the bible?
How many elders wives did you see that actually went door to door together with their husbands or on bible studies? How many elders or other men in the congregation who wandered around the room at the meetings, or left their wives in charge of the children during the conventions. I’m wondering how many husbands are studying with the wives on “Family Worship” night? When brothers found out my husband and I studied the bible together, they would say “why, you don’t have children and you are both adults?” Their wives would be jealous that my husband spent that time with me. I knew 2 WT conductors that deliberately studied alone not wanting to be distracted by their wives comments.
13, 14. (a) What situations can work against unity
in a marriage? (b) What are some things marriage mates
can do to strengthen their bond as “one flesh”?
13 Indeed, unity in goals and activities
strengthens a marriage. (Eccl. 4:9, 10) Unfortunately,
many couples today spend little
time together. They work long hours at their
separate jobs. Others travel extensively for
their secular work or move abroad alone to
work to send money back home. Even at
home, some marriage partners find themselves
isolated from each other because of
the time they spend on television, hobbies,
sports, video games, or the Internet. Is that
true in your household? If so, can you adjust
your circumstances to spend more time together?
What about sharing in such common
tasks as preparing meals, washing the
dishes, or working in the yard? Could you
work together as you care for the children or
assist your aging parents?
COMMENTS
“unity in goals”—“spend little time together” Is it secular work, tv, hobbies, sports, video games, internet—sounds more like things that men do rather than spend time with their families and add to this 5 hours of weekly meetings, 2 hours travel time, 3 to 4 hours total Saturday morning (husbands rarely go out with the women and children). After 40 or more hours work, coming home to this, how many people justify needing to relax by themselves?
So where is the time available for “adjustment”?
A husband helping cook???!!! Of course, some husbands do cook, mine does, but he had the other elders make fun of him, that it was my job…washing dishes—women’s work again; working in the yard….the elders wives had to “sacrifice” and do that in this area. Care for the children or aging parents…women’s work again.
14 Most important, regularly spend time
together in activities related to worship of
Jehovah. Discussing the daily text together
and sharing in family worship provide excellent
opportunities to keep your family’s
thinking and goals aligned. Also share together
in the ministry. If possible, try pioneering
together, even if your circumstances
allow you to do it only for one month or
one year. (Read 1 Corinthians 15:58.)A sister
who pioneered with her husband says:
“The ministry was one of the ways we could
spend time together and really talk. Because
we both had the common goal of helping
others spiritually, I felt that we were a real
team. I felt closer to him not just as a
Working together helps
couples to stay united (white husband/black wife…rarely seen in the publications, don’t want to tick off any racist non-jws, but now that they magzines aren’t made available to the public…)
husband but also as a good friend.” As you
work together in worthwhile pursuits, your
interests, priorities, and habits will gradually
harmonize with those of your spouse until,
like Aquila and Priscilla, you will increasingly
think, feel, and act as “one flesh.”
COMMENTS
Out of 30 families, maybe there is one “holy” enough to discuss the text. I remember a 9 year old boy that was in a demo for the assembly say later that their family had never done this but they said they did.
At the meetings for service, the men would all pile in together with “man” privileges to do (perhaps taking a 12-year-old boy) while the women went off with the children.
I knew elders that would pioneer one month but only with the brothers, never their wives.
So no time alone in bed to talk…only door to door?
Let Spirituality Guide You
15. What is the key to a successful marriage? Explain.
15 Jesus knew the importance of putting
God first in marriage. He saw Jehovah perform
the first wedding. He observed how
happy Adam and Eve were as long as they
followed God’s direction, and he saw firsthand
the trouble that resulted when they ignored
it. So when Jesus taught others, he
echoed his Father’s instruction found at
Genesis 2:24. He also added this thought:
“What God has yoked together let no man
put apart.” (Matt. 19:6) Deep respect for Jehovah,
therefore, is still the key to a happy,
successful marriage. In this regard, Jesus’
earthly parents, Joseph and Mary, set an
outstanding example.
COMMENTS
If Jesus saw Adam and Eve, why didn’t he warn them about Satan or protect them?
16. How did Joseph and Mary manifest spirituality
in their family life?
16 Joseph was kind and respectful toward
Mary. When he first learned that she was
pregnant, he wanted to deal mercifully with
her, even before God’s angel explained to
him what had happened to Mary. (Matt. 1:
18-20) As a couple, they obeyed Caesar’s decree
and also closely adhered to the Mosaic
Law. (Luke 2:1-5, 21, 22) And although only
men were required to attend the major religious
festivals in Jerusalem, Joseph and
Mary, together with members of their family,
attended each year. (Deut. 16:16; Luke 2:
41) In these and other ways, this godly
couple endeavored to please Jehovah and
showed deep respect for spiritual things. It is
no wonder that Jehovah had chosen them
to care for his Son during the first part of Jesus’
earthly life.
COMMENTS
You mean Joseph didn’t smack Mary---only to be told by her parents that she had to stay with him?
Why is it wrong to smack your wife but all right to smack your child in the WTS?
Did you know that only men were required to attend the festivals? Why are female jws required to attend the meetings/assemblies/conventions?
17, 18. (a) In what ways can a couple put spirituality
first in their family? (b) How will this benefit
them?
17 Does spirituality similarly guide your
family life? For example, when you make
important decisions, do you first research
Bible principles, pray about the matter, and
then seek advice from a mature Christian?
Or do you tend to resolve problems by following
your own feelings or those of family
and friends? Do you strive to put into practice
the many practical suggestions published
by the faithful slave on marriage and
family life? Or do you find yourself simply
following local customs or popular secular
advice? Do you regularly pray and study together,
set spiritual goals, and talk about
your family’s priorities?
COMMENTS
Do jws research bible principles or ask the elders knowing that pleasing them is more important than pleasing God? That the elders/WTS define what is spiritual?
“suggestions” by the FDS—right!
Pray together…the only group prayers many jws participate in are at the KH.
18 Regarding their 50 years of happy married
life, Ray says, “We have never had a
problem we could not overcome, because
we kept Jehovah as part of our ‘threefold
cord.’ ” (Read Ecclesiastes 4:12.) Danny
and Trina agree. “As we have served God together,”
they say, “our marriage has become
stronger.” They have been happily married
for more than 34 years. If you always put Jehovah
first in your marriage, he will help
you to succeed and will richly bless you.—Ps.
127:1.
COMMENTS
50 years or 34 years…what were their marriages like after only 3 years? How many jw marriages never made it to 34 years?
Married for 50 years…20 of them happily, haha.
Continue to Respect God’s Gift
19. Why did God provide the gift of marriage?
19 For many today, the only thing that
matters is their personal happiness. But a
servant of Jehovah sees things differently.
He knows that God provided marriage as a
gift to further His purpose. (Gen. 1:26-28) If
Adam and Eve had respected that gift, the
whole earth would have become a paradise
filled with happy, righteous servants of
God.
COMMENTS
“servant of Jehovah” only jws—are they Christian…wasn’t “Christian” good enough for their name in the NT?
20, 21. (a) Why should we treat marriage as sacred?
(b) What gift will we study about next week?
20 Above all, God’s servants see marriage
as an opportunity to bring glory to Jehovah.
(Read 1 Corinthians 10:31.) As we
have seen, loyalty, unity, and spirituality are
godly qualities that fortify a marriage. So
whether we are preparing for, strengthening,
or trying to save our marriage, we must
first see marriage for what it is: a divine and
sacred institution. Keeping that truth in
mind will move us to do our best to make
marital decisions based on God’s Word. In
this way we show respect not just for the gift
of marriage but also for the Giver of that
gift, Jehovah God.
COMMENTS
“God’s servants” = only jws
Where is the glory to Christ?
Decisions based on God’s word or WTS words?
21 Marriage, of course, is not the only gift
Jehovah has given us; nor is it the only road
to happiness in life. In our next article, we
will look at yet another precious gift from
God—the gift of singleness.
COMMENTS
There was a time that singleness was almost required and marriage looked down on in the WTS? Why?
How Would You Answer?
How should loyalty influence married
Christians?
Why will working together in unity
strengthen a marriage?
What are some ways married people
can let spirituality guide them?
How can we show respect for Jehovah,
the Originator of marriage?
CONCLUDING COMMENTS
Jehovah’s witnesses don’t have a better batting record when it comes to marriages than non jws. Being “spiritual” even tends to make a marriage more likely to end with the extra pressures on elders and MS.
Remember that in paragraph 3 that “some try to redefine” marriage “to suit their own needs.” How many jws were hurt when the WTS defined bestiality and homosexuality as not being grounds of a scriptural divorce, only to change it in 1977? How hard would it have been to understand that under the Law people doing those things would have been executed, freeing the other mate to remarry?
Next week, MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR SINGLENESS. I have been married now just as long as I was a single adult. Think about what you already know and what you anticipate the WTS might say.
Love, Blondie