I am thinking of sending this letter to a JW, former best friend.

by OnTheWayOut 10 Replies latest members private

  • OnTheWayOut
    OnTheWayOut

    My JW former best friend has basically said he needs to protect his family (just him and his wife) so our friendship has not officially ended, but he contacted me less and less. I haven't heard from him in several months now. We live a six-hour drive apart and I used to visit him at least every year. I was the best man at his wedding. When he was disfellowshipped more than a few years back, I offered to stay in touch with him and advised him as an elder. It could have cost me my precious "elder" title, but I never really worried about protecting the title. He asked me not to stay in touch so he could get reinstated. He will probably make elder soon and I have already really lost him to the cult.

    So I thought I might send this letter. Thoughts from you all are appreciated. Here's the letter:

    Dear XXX, Of all places, I was watching "Star Trek; The Next Generation" and Captain Picard made this quote:
    "Friendship must dare to risk, or it's not friendship."
    The setting was where fellow captains of other ships suspected some kind of conspiracy within the higher ranks of their organization (Starfleet) and were asking Captain Picard to keep their confidentiality and look into this while watching his own back, despite the fact that there was no revealed proof of their suspicions. Keeping confidentiality for a friend not involved in any “sin” or “illegal” activity sounds like an easy choice, but in that case it involved keeping a secret from the upper ranks. The upper ranks could view that with suspicion, and if no conspiracy actually existed, they could view it as treason. (In other words, the upper ranks might define such actions as “sin” or “illegal” despite Captain Picard’s clear understanding that their actions were not such.) But what was that “secret” anyway? For Captain Picard, it was no more than making sure of the truth of all matters for himself. Of course, if his friends turned out to be some kind of threat to the organization or individuals, Captain Picard would have had to deal with that differently. No actual treason was taking place. That’s where such a quote about “friendship” comes in. Captain Picard did not have to trust that his friends were correct, but had to risk his own standing as a captain in order to do the right thing and investigate matters for himself. But his friends risked even more by trusting Captain Picard with their suspicions. He could easily have reported their covert investigation to the organization. In the case of this fictional show, high ranking officers were being “controlled” by aliens and a real threat existed. At first, Captain Picard did not give much weight to their suspicions, but was honoring years of friendship. Even if they were wrong, Captain Picard put his friendship above himself. It could have worked out that they were just paranoid about things of which they were not privileged enough to have knowledge. My friend, thanks for reading my observations on a television show. I hope that I have never (and never will) put personal position ahead of friendship. If I have done that, I hope I have corrected that personal character flaw. I am confident that my true friends would recognize that I would never endanger their actual lives or morals or beliefs if I were put in a similar situation as Captain Picard’s friends. If I am wrong, I am confident that my true friends would make the effort to point that out. I know that sounds ridiculous. How could I ever find myself in a situation where I had to trust a friend to look into matters for himself concerning anything even close to the matter of that fictional setting? How could I ever be in a situation where I wanted to tell my friend something important, but had to worry that he would “turn me in” to someone for saying it? Or the reverse- how could I ever be in the position of the friend risking position for friendship? Anyway, I haven’t heard from you in awhile. I have minimized my initiation of contact to respect your concerns over my changed path and “how it would affect [you] and [your] family” (your own words). So I hope all is well for you and [Mrs. XXX]. Things are good with me. Virtually all the people who were central in my life a few years ago have respected my changed path and wish me well while they maintain a safe wide distance. In the vast majority of those cases, that’s fine as we must have been conditional friends. They weren’t as close to me as you are. They never worked side-by-side secularly with me nor traveled to spend time with me. I have always been content to be a bit of a loner. It allows me to read much more than I used to, and I spend much time with [Mrs. OTWO]. Sorry if my writing seems “heavy” with some kind of need to read into it. Don’t feel any pressure to do that. It’s just that I know I can share anything with such a good friend, and that television show made me think about our friendship. I’ll send you a postcard from some exotic place eventually. Thanks, OTWO

  • cyberjesus
    cyberjesus

    i like it and I undersand it, but will he? do you think his JWradar will kick into protection mode? How bout if you send him the video and a quick note like this is me-----> and this is you -> or something. Im just trying to think how he will see it. its tough. its tough.

  • GOrwell
    GOrwell

    Great letter OTWO and that's a great TNG episode ("Conspiracy" - probably one of my top 10 of all time, was just watching it the other day) and a excellent intrepretation and JW application.

  • AK - Jeff
    AK - Jeff

    Not real sure on this one. You draw an interesting comparison, but I wonder if he might view it the same way you do.

    I agee though, that there is little risk, since he has such limited contact with you, and is on the verge of 'appointment'. He is not likely to return to your friendship full-force anytime soon. This might lay in his memory banks and help him to do so when/if he ever sees his way clear to make fair exam of his religion.

    Jeff

  • OnTheWayOut
    OnTheWayOut
    i like it and I undersand it, but will he? do you think his JWradar will kick into protection mode?
    I agee though, that there is little risk, since he has such limited contact with you, and is on the verge of 'appointment'.

    I am right inbetween those two thoughts. It's very obvious without actually directly saying anything. I just am not sure if it will push him further away or if that is even possible.

  • OnTheWayOut
    OnTheWayOut

    I know it's adding a bundh of reading, but this is how our friendship changed in October of 2009: http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/183665/1/My-JW-Best-Friend

  • OUTLAW
    OUTLAW

    OTWO..

    The Star Trek theme is fitting..With that in mind..

    Your friend has been captured by the Watchtower Borg & Tract $ociety..

    Resistance is Futile.. He has been Assimilated..

    He now thinks with the collective..Their thoughts are his thoughts..

    I have no idea how you will get him out of the.. WatchTower BORGanization Space Ship..
    But..Your a good man for trying.. ....................... ...OUTLAW

  • mrquik
    mrquik

    Outlaw -Love the Graphics. Wish I were more computer literate.

    OTWO- Had the same problem. Good friend for 20 years. Worked side by side on numerous build projects. Shared problems. Were both elders. He always suspected a problem though I never told him. Called him up after divorcing my wife & of course getting DF'd for it. Told him I wasn't coming back. He immediately blamed my "loss of holy spirit" & that he could no longer talk to me. Too bad Paul. Just to let you know, when you finally realize that this is all a lie, don't call me back. Friends like you I don't need.

  • Highlander
    Highlander

    I lost contact with my childhood best friend for a period of about 15 years. Recently I found him again on Facebook and initiated contact. Surprisingly, both of us are mentally free of the WT cult and our friendship has resumed as if it had never ended.

    My friend had married at a young age, had children, df'd then reinstated, divorced, remarried and then woke up to the realization that we were raised in a cult. I didn't marry until later in life(30ish) and it was then that I began to see the WT for what it is.

    Though the timing of our paths were not in sync, we eventually ended up at the same destination. It just took about 15 years. I hope that you have the same results with your best friend. It may take longer than expected and you may be on different paths for some time but positive results are possible.

    If he maintains some contact with you, let us know how he responds to the letter.

  • Open mind
    Open mind

    It's a crap shoot.

    It was vague enough that you weren't clearly drawing a line in the sand showing your true apostate colors, so that's good. He shouldn't be immediately scared off unless his "Apostate Radar" has been set to super sensitive for some reason.

    The last paragraph really shows that you care about him and don't want to just throw away a friendship without at least a letter.

    Wishing you the best on this one.

    om

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