My JW former best friend has basically said he needs to protect his family (just him and his wife) so our friendship has not officially ended, but he contacted me less and less. I haven't heard from him in several months now. We live a six-hour drive apart and I used to visit him at least every year. I was the best man at his wedding. When he was disfellowshipped more than a few years back, I offered to stay in touch with him and advised him as an elder. It could have cost me my precious "elder" title, but I never really worried about protecting the title. He asked me not to stay in touch so he could get reinstated. He will probably make elder soon and I have already really lost him to the cult.
So I thought I might send this letter. Thoughts from you all are appreciated. Here's the letter:
Dear XXX, Of all places, I was watching "Star Trek; The Next Generation" and Captain Picard made this quote:
"Friendship must dare to risk, or it's not friendship." The setting was where fellow captains of other ships suspected some kind of conspiracy within the higher ranks of their organization (Starfleet) and were asking Captain Picard to keep their confidentiality and look into this while watching his own back, despite the fact that there was no revealed proof of their suspicions. Keeping confidentiality for a friend not involved in any “sin” or “illegal” activity sounds like an easy choice, but in that case it involved keeping a secret from the upper ranks. The upper ranks could view that with suspicion, and if no conspiracy actually existed, they could view it as treason. (In other words, the upper ranks might define such actions as “sin” or “illegal” despite Captain Picard’s clear understanding that their actions were not such.) But what was that “secret” anyway? For Captain Picard, it was no more than making sure of the truth of all matters for himself. Of course, if his friends turned out to be some kind of threat to the organization or individuals, Captain Picard would have had to deal with that differently. No actual treason was taking place. That’s where such a quote about “friendship” comes in. Captain Picard did not have to trust that his friends were correct, but had to risk his own standing as a captain in order to do the right thing and investigate matters for himself. But his friends risked even more by trusting Captain Picard with their suspicions. He could easily have reported their covert investigation to the organization. In the case of this fictional show, high ranking officers were being “controlled” by aliens and a real threat existed. At first, Captain Picard did not give much weight to their suspicions, but was honoring years of friendship. Even if they were wrong, Captain Picard put his friendship above himself. It could have worked out that they were just paranoid about things of which they were not privileged enough to have knowledge. My friend, thanks for reading my observations on a television show. I hope that I have never (and never will) put personal position ahead of friendship. If I have done that, I hope I have corrected that personal character flaw. I am confident that my true friends would recognize that I would never endanger their actual lives or morals or beliefs if I were put in a similar situation as Captain Picard’s friends. If I am wrong, I am confident that my true friends would make the effort to point that out. I know that sounds ridiculous. How could I ever find myself in a situation where I had to trust a friend to look into matters for himself concerning anything even close to the matter of that fictional setting? How could I ever be in a situation where I wanted to tell my friend something important, but had to worry that he would “turn me in” to someone for saying it? Or the reverse- how could I ever be in the position of the friend risking position for friendship? Anyway, I haven’t heard from you in awhile. I have minimized my initiation of contact to respect your concerns over my changed path and “how it would affect [you] and [your] family” (your own words). So I hope all is well for you and [Mrs. XXX]. Things are good with me. Virtually all the people who were central in my life a few years ago have respected my changed path and wish me well while they maintain a safe wide distance. In the vast majority of those cases, that’s fine as we must have been conditional friends. They weren’t as close to me as you are. They never worked side-by-side secularly with me nor traveled to spend time with me. I have always been content to be a bit of a loner. It allows me to read much more than I used to, and I spend much time with [Mrs. OTWO]. Sorry if my writing seems “heavy” with some kind of need to read into it. Don’t feel any pressure to do that. It’s just that I know I can share anything with such a good friend, and that television show made me think about our friendship. I’ll send you a postcard from some exotic place eventually. Thanks, OTWO