I've been loggin in to this site for about 3 or 4 months on an almost daily basis. I decided to finally make an account cause I just have to vent and connect with those who have been in my shoes. "Worldly" people don't understand completely when I talk to them about the hardship of being born into a religion/cult, growing up with people making decisions for me, and having them choose my future, goals, and dreams; all the while sacrificing normal childhood joys and replacing them with study, service hours, and 5 minute talks.
My wife also joined this site recently. Her and I met in our congregation and we got married almost a year ago. Her as well as I had been through the same thing. We were both born in JWs who never in our lives had the choice wether to be in this religion or not. We also secretly wanted out, but we both put on a fake smile to blend in. As soon as we got married we moved to a congregation about an hour away from our parents congregation. Now her and I had the opportunity to leave....but my dad is an elder in our last congregation and he would find out if we became members of our new one or not. So we officially became members and immediately started the fade away process.
It's been about 5 months since we've gone to a meeting and its been even longer (about 8 months) since we went on service. I have honestly felt happier since then. Finally no more dealing with stress and most of all anxiety that giving parts, public prayer, and door to door service brought along. I still believe in god and I'm not sure how I sit with him. Maybe he loves me, maybe not. But my wife and I are very happy to be out and I'm thankful for that happiness either way. I'm free of anxiety and I can finally live in joy instead of fear of death. One small problem remains though: my parents know I've slowed down but they don't know I've slowed down to a halt. They don't know I haven't been in service for 8 months or gone to the meetings in 5 months. That would break their hearts especially my mother's. It would make her cry and I hate it when she cries cause of me. Their happiness matters but mine matters too. It's just a matter of time before they find out, and when they do I have to be prepared. I've been in this religion for 25 years and now I'm out. Too much gossip, too many vague explinations to questions they don't know, too many ridiculous and absurd rules and regulations on what to do, how to think, what to watch (Avatar is now bad for example), what to say and what to wear. They are extremely meddling and nosy.
So called friends will follow orders to stab you in the back and throw you under the bus for dumb insignificant things like giving some one a birthday gift at work. The list of things go on forever. Meanwhile, worldly friends couldn't care less what you wear, how you think, what you believe, what you watch and what you do. They will be your friends no matter what. Still the society prints out magazines and books with a friend-making guide insisting that the best friends you'll find are in the organization. 25 years have told me that's BS. True, there are really nice people in the religion, but it's a conditional friendship.
I have much more to say and many experiences to tell, but I'll leave it for future posts. Glad to join the forum!