Your wedding day belongs to the elders

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Getting married means you get your own special day. A day where the couple getting married gets to call the shots and decide who is gonna be invited, who is gonna be the maid of honor, who is gonna be the best man, how you want everything to look and what music you want to play.....unless of course you're a J-dub.

I got married last year, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't decide anything on that day. I have an amazing friend who has always been there for me and my family. He helped us move, he bought us things when we never asked him to, and if there's any financial trouble he always insists on helping me out even when I tell him not to bother. So I figured who better than him as the best man for my wedding? I told him he could be the best man and he found it a privilege and an honor and he couldn't stop thanking me. But then the presiding elder took notice that this friend of mine wasn't baptized and rarely attended meetings. Now he suddenly wasn't an option. I broke the news to him and he was dissapointed.

I sat with the elders and explained to them what great friend he's been to me and how humble he is. I tried my hardest to make him realize that this was the least I could do for him after everything he's done for me and my family. This was the chance for me to express that gratitude I owed him. Everything I said fell on the elder's deaf ears if he's not baptized. That is the only thing he can see. He was blind to everything else. If I chose him anyway, I wouldn't have been allowed to get married at the hall. I shouldn't have let that intimidate me.

I was forced to choose someone else. My friend may not have been baptized, but he was a better person than any of the elders were. Hell, a better person than any other friend I made at the hall. They made a lot of decisions for us on our day. Anyway, that friend of mine gave us a thousand bucks as a gift and later bought us two concert tickets for Avenged Sevenfold and Disturbed (heavy metal). Which later became a small issue when JWs saw the pics on facebook.

That's the control I'm breaking away from. I'm at a point where I'm gonna do what I want and post it on fb so everyone can see, cause I don't care anymore.

JonathanH

Good for you. Get out. The degree of control they have over your life is insane. I remember back when I was in the kind of tightrope walk of legalities that dating and getting married were. It's insane how they can justify something like not holding hands until you're engaged if they really want to push it.

stuckinlimbo

I had my wedding in a park, officiated by a JW celebrant back before they wern't allowed to do so. The main reason is that our hall was ugly and too small and I wanted nice photos (those flouro lights always make for terrible wedding shots). I even got to rewrite the talk outline somewhat as I found it offensive (somewhat feminist I am). Wow did I get away with a lot. You'd never be able to bend them that far now

Apparently quite a few people had a problem with my park wedding (I think they were just jealous, although I think some suspected we'd done something wrong) but this didn't seem to affect about 180 guests coming and most people seemed genuinely glad for the lovely outdoor spring wedding and told me so.

Anyway I had a wordly bridesmaid, but she was allowed as it wasn't in the hall, but I think she would have been allowed anyway at the time as she was a Christian and well behaved!

yourmomma

i know what your talking about, i was deleted as a MS for not having our wedding in the kingdom hall and not inviting the entire congregation. there is alot more that was insane about it, but the positive is that it was the first thing that started me down the path of waking up and realizing that it was a cult.

Lunatic Faith

That's why I refused to get married in the hall. I had too many friends whose weddings were taken over by "well-meaning" friends. There were many reasons for avoiding the hall: I've seen weddding photos ruined by the flourescent lights (everybody looked yellow); I did not want an open invitation to my wedding, but only people who really mattered to me; and I refused to walk down the aisle to "Marriage is Gods Arrangement" or "Shulammite Maiden" or "Loyal Love". I wanted music that actually meant something to me--so I chose the Enya song from the first Lord of the Rings movie.

carla

What a shame that your dear friend was insulted in such a way by the elders, a shame that you didn't have the fortitude to go ahead with having such a good friend stand with you on your big day. Glad you are seeing the cult side of the org now though. No need to let mere men control your life. Hope your friend understands and maybe he also sees that it is a cult, maybe you both can get out together.

Broken Promises

What you wrote is so true. Because it's held in the KH everything has to be done by the book or it's not allowed to be done at all.

One more reason why I'm glad I don't have to put up with those silly rules anymore.

Aussie Oz

Thankyou

i will share this with my son as best i can... i know he is hellbent on getting married to a 'lovely' JW girl

oz

Borgia

That's the compromise you had to concede for using the KH. If you had not used the KH than surely there must be something that was not in order with how you comported before the marriage, right? And your wife did not want to start her marriage with the dark cloud of gossiping Witnesses. In this case you've been fucked from all sides:

1) from the elders side

2) from the congs side

3) from your wife's side

This is a tipical example of how social environment impacts a person. You've surrendered your own integrity for the sake of an organisation. I hope you've made amends to your best friend.

Cheers

Borgia

Mr. Falcon

I refused to walk down the aisle to "Marriage is Gods Arrangement" or "Shulammite Maiden" or "Loyal Love". I wanted music that actually meant something to me--so I chose the Enya song from the first Lord of the Rings movie.

Good for you Lunatic!

Your wedding day belongs to the elders

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