I agree. I prefer to be more of a consequentialist, that is to say I care less about what people think than what they do. Which is not without it's faults, because the conventional wisdom is that people act on their beliefs, "out of the heart's abundance the mouth speaks" or something to that effect. But i think much of what people believe they believe out of inexperience, ignorance, or convenience, and wouldn't necessarily act on the things they claim to believe.
For example a Catholic or JW can claim to believe that children should be protected, and fornication is wrong but there will be those that act in such a way so as to disobey both of their beliefs and molest a child. But the opposite side of that is there are millions of JWs that say that their child shouldn't get a blood transfusion because it would anger god, but if their child's life were on the line what percentage of them do you think would say "give them the transfusion, and I will deal with the consequences"? I don't have hard data for that, but my faith in humanity leads me to believe that there would be a significant portion willing to save their child's life than perform child sacrifice.
We would all like to say we know how would behave in a given situation based on our convictions and beliefs, but many of our convictions are held because they have not been tested, and even if we still hold them, to err is human. It takes strength, wisdom and determination to act in a way that is consistent with what we hold to be our convictions. Which is why I think action is a far better metric when determining character than merely what one holds to be true in one's mind.
But even then I think temporality must be taken into consideration. I don't think judgement of a person is ever possible. It would be easy for me for instance to judge my family for shunning me, or my friends for doing so. It is such an ignorant, unloving and insane action, what person in their right mind could do that? I could judge them as either being insane or despicable. But no more so than I was only a few years ago. I would've done the same in their position at a different time in my life. And who is to say that in a few years they won't will look back and regret their actions, just as I have done? So what am I to do? Grade on a curve, using myself as the metric? Judge them favorably during the period of time in which we were both shunning people, judge them harshly now, and then favorably later if they turn around? Or Judge us both harshly in hindsight, keep judging them harshly, and let myself off the hook since I have see the error of my ways? But perhaps in five years I will judge myself now harshly, and realize that based on things I'm doing now without even realizing it I am being hypocritical for judging them. From what standard do I have to speak ill of others? I can only live and let live, hoping that I am conscientious enough to realize what I am doing.
To that end, I just try to take people at face value. Keep company with those that I enjoy, and avoid those that hurt (be it by design, or accident). Attempt to avoid causing harm, and help when possible. That's all that can be done.
