Ohhh for crying out loud, were worldly people always inviting you to stuff?!?!?!

by miseryloveselders 24 Replies latest jw friends

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  miseryloveselders

  Last Friday, a woman I work with, who reminds me of Scully from the X-Files, asked me to hang out with her and her friends at a watering hole not that far from where we work. She and her friends get off roughly an hour before I get off, and considering the amount of work I had on my desk at the time, and the amount of time I wasted on here, I knew it'd would be a while before I caught up with them. So I told her I'll try, but I won't get off until roughly 6:30pm or later. She said thats fine, they'll be waiting. Needless to say, I didn't show up. Today I talked with her, and she and her girlfriend were asking why I didn't show. I told her that I got off late, and figured they would be gone by the time I would have shown up. Which was partially true, that and ummm the idea of hanging out with worldly women at a nightspot. I didn't mention the latter part of my reasoning, obviously.

  Yesterday, I mentioned the rainy weather we had, and the conversation I had with an engineer I know. Well later on in the day, when I got off work, the weather took a turn for the worst. It was really windy, and rainy, and downright cold. I had a lightweight jacket on, and would have worn a P-Coat had I known it would change as it did. I didn't drive yesterday, but I did have an umbrella so i walked to that same spot to wait for the bus under this huge office building's overhead roof. While there, I saw a distant collague, whom I never really talked to before outside of the context of work. He's a Hispanic fellow, which in this city is rare. He's been in the States for roughly two years, and married an American, and moved to our city straight from Mexico. I asked him if there was any spots here that he mingled at with other Hispanics. He told me about a spot that he goes to every Thursday. He then invited me to come with him the next time he goes, and made a point to tell me that there is all kind of beautiful women at this place, and that'd I'd love it. I thanked him for the offer, all the while hoping he doesn't keep good on his invitation.

  Its funny when you have one foot in the door, and another one out, the offers you get from nonJWs. The JW upbringing isn't too easy to shake either, as I feel like Satan is making a go at me. I know that's silly, its rubbish, but like I said, this religion tentacles are still significantly attached to me.

  You ever have those tug of wars with your heart when the worldlies invite you to stuff? Care to share?
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  pirata

  I turned down my classmates and schoolmates enough times that I never get invited anymore.
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  unshackled

  The JW upbringing isn't too easy to shake either, as I feel like Satan is making a go at me. I know that's silly, its rubbish, but like I said, this religion tentacles are still significantly attached to me.

  I can relate to that feeling. A few years back when my final ties to the Dubs were broken (separated from JW wife), I decided to join the softball league that a coworker invited me to. Starting out I felt extremely awkward…like I was somewhere where I shouldn't be. Didn't feel like I fit in. Almost felt like I was looking at people still with JW goggles on…WORLDY people! And felt they were looking at me as if to say "you KNOW you don't below here." Of course it was all in my head. It was a strange experience.

  Eventually I got rid of those feelings…and embraced it fully. Nothing like a weekend tournament, playing ball, spending way too much time in the beer tent, having a hoot in the parking lot in between games. This JW had gone to the dark side and wasn't turning back.
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  leavingwt

  as I feel like Satan is making a go at me

  Please read Steve Hassan's books, if you want this feeling to go away for good.

  -LWT (in broken record mode)
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  LostGeneration

  I guess I don't get what is holding you back. Aren't you ready to leave?

  Establishing ties outside of the WT will make your life much easier once you start getting shunned, whether it be officially or just becasue you stop attending.
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  Ding

  The WTS makes sure JWs don't fit in anywhere outside the organization.

  Then JWs think their ostracism is caused by worldlies persecuting them for being "in the truth."
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  undercover

  You're a 'born-in', Misery?

  I think those of us raised in it have a harder time removing every last deeply ingrained fear. Fear, or hating, worldly people is one of those things.

  I remember when I was still in, avoiding all invitations from worldly people and worldly functions. From the comapany xmas party to drinks after work with workmates, to pick-up basketball, to dinner, I avoided it all. When I started my exit from the JWs, I started accepting those invitations yet at times felt an uncomfortableness that was obviously tied to the decades long indoctrination.

  But once you get to the point that you no longer have that apprehension or fear, look out. Don't go overboard. A newly freed JW is like a teenager who just got his driver's license and a free source of illegal hooch. You're going to go too far. And actually that's to be expected. What teenagers and young adults experience and learn from, many of us 'born-ins' never did so we're going to have to learn just like they did....only a couple or more decades later.
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  blondie

  Yes, and I went. Part of this is that my father was not a jw and had non-jw friends that we socialized with. I socialized with non-jw relatives. It might have been different if both parents had been jws.

  I'm not a party person much anyway but we do go to a couple of hangouts twice a week with people from work and the volunteer organizations we are in.

  Blondie
• 

  elderelite

  Miz....... U let a resonably good lookijg girl ask u out and u turned her down... Left her hanging? Did u listen to audio i sent? Listen and go out! Live u r life man! For god sake live!
• 

  undercover

  Another thought...

  Some of us are more naturally introverted and were already shy about meeting new people or experiencing new things. The WT rule of "no worldly association" was not so much a protection as it was an excuse to never having to try to fit in and learn to socialize.

  So then when we realize we were in a cult and we have to escape, we not only have to deal with the ramifications of leaving that comfort zone in a belief system, we have to learn social skills in order to survive in the real world.

  To outgoing, never-met-a-stranger, extroverts, this probably wasn't that big of a deal. They traded one social setting for another and didn't miss but a step or two. The rest of us were left stumbling about trying to fit in somewhere and feeling frustrated because of the old fears and indoctrinations.

  But it does get better over time. Try different things, go to different places, bars, restaurants, clubs, parks or churches (if that's your thing). Those that appeal, go back to. Those that don't, cross off your list. Take up hobbies that require group meetings or settings. When someone sits next to you at a bar in a restaurant and strikes up a conversation, don't immediately expect something bad... engage them in conversation. You never know you might become friends that way. Hell, even bartenders at your favorite hangouts can become friends.

  I'm by no means an extrovert but I have learned social skills and can co-exist in most social settings these days, from black-tie all the way to honky tonk or biker bar. I prefer the honky-tonk or biker bar over black-tie, but I can dress up and meet some hoity-toity blue bloods when work requires it. I'm no longer painfully shy about meeting new people. I no longer consider them "worldly". They're co-workers, work contacts, company brass, neighbors, friends of friends and just some cool people I just met at a bar over a round of shots.