by JWinprotest 22 Replies latest jw friends
You don't leave her alone with the jw relatives do you?
There are numerous childrens books at the library on all the holidays, beliefs, differences in families, etc... Keep her involved in many activities, scouting, dance, theater, art, whatever her desire is. Keep her busy having FUN and keep her the heck away from grandparents that WILL mentally and spiritually abuse her unless they are willing to abide by your rules. Protect her innocence.
What Aude said.
I have to disagree with Aude on contacting other jw children. I have recently found out a young relative of mine actually had a jw friend (no jw's in the family at that time) when they were young. As young as first grade the jw child was telling them that they would die soon because the end of the world was coming and they did not belong to the jw's so,too bad, so sad, your dead. Then proceeded to tell this child all the awful things that would happen to them and their family! AND then could turn around in a split second and continue playing as if nothing was said or wrong!
The way my relative explained it looking back as a now young adult is horrifying! It gave them nightmares and caused much confusion and fear in this little 1st grade mind. Sounded to me like the child was a psychopath or something and needed counseling, but then maybe all jw children sound like this? scary as hell! Knowing what I know now about jw's I would not let my child get close to a jw child ever. They are twisted, sorry to say so but that's how it looks to me.
We do all we can to protect our children from physical harm, drugs, etc... why should protecting their minds be any different? why not teach them to question things? even teachers and adults? their peers? We don't let them hang around drug dealers if we can help it why let them hang around those who peddle gloom & doom, spirtual and mental abuse? why not steer them to a positive life and friends who have goals in other than looking forward to 99.9% of the population being destroyed and birds eating out eyeballs, etc..
I'd combine two sugggestions made by several posters
After careful thought and prayer we found. . . But involve her in your research and thoughts. Teach her to spot logical fallacies in other slanted literature such as ads and infomercials and let her connect the dots in the wt "literature". Read Bible passages together and discuss how something in the wt material could have (or couldn't!) be derived from them.
Also explain your own feelings when you discovered these things.
A bit of work, but cult-proofing is a good idea with still-in relatives around.
I agree with the earlier poster who recommended finding out more from your daughter about exactly what she misses from the meetings. s a parent, you'd already know education about improtant stuff begins early: I'd shy away from dramatic exposes because that can backfire badly (remember parents and their children often do not have the same "take" on religious matters). Keep the communication open and try to see things from your 6-year-olds point of view.
Unless she is a saint in the making, I'd doubt that she misses the message she heard at the meetings and wonder if she lmisses the company of other children. Every now and then remind her of how many of the children at the meetings were utterly bored and fidgety. Are there any examples of parents taking their noisy children outside and spanking them? Many people find this a very off-putting part of being at meetings. Was she ever restless and bored? Gently remind her of this. Just as adults romanticize the past, so do children.
It can be something very innocuous. Such a sad situation. It is great that your respect the role and respect of the JW grandparents. You have custody. You are the parent. They are not. Some other people have raised this issue. We don't have naming thread rules but maybe some key words in a search might find those discussions. Thank goodness you are united and Solomon's wisdom need not be employed.
I'm wondering if one of the grandmothers told your daughter that she's missed at the meeting, and she's turned it around by saying that she misses the meetings. IMO you should be more concerned with what jws are saying to your daughter.
I can relate to this sooooo much. My 11 year old is starting to notice my fade and I have been dropping comments about questioning things and thinking for ourselves as I can. But my wife who is deeply in the WT would go ballistic if I started doing or saying anything "Anti-Witness" with her child. It's like being torn between keeping the peace in the marriage and keeping my daughter from becoming Captive to a Concept. It sucks.
My 11 year old is starting to notice my fade and I have been dropping comments about questioning things and thinking for ourselves as I can. But my wife who is deeply in the WT would go ballistic if
I started doing or saying anything "Anti-Witness"
Expect your child to soon deliver lovely little messages to you that really come from your wife such as
"Daddy, the family won't be the same if you don't make it into the new system of things" or
"Daddy I miss you being at the meetings. The other children there areasking me where you are and I don't know what to say".
How about this message designed to cut you down to size and provoke your primal protective instincts at the same time: "Daddy, if you are destroyed at Armageddon, Mommy will be able to re-marry and I'll have a new father".
Little wonder leaving this religion is so fraught...
I faded when my son was 7. He was very happy to be able to have a real birthday party. I recommend talking frankly about your issues with the "former religion". There are too many scary stories out there about relatives bringing the children back in. I worked hard to innoculate my son against all that cult Bullshi&. You dont have to use the word cult- but explaining why certain doctrines made no sense to you any more helps alot.
I thinks that children are smarter than we give them credit for- and do not (contrary to witness belief) naturally believe in God. Children are naturally inquisitive, reasoning, and questioning. Only when their parents present something to them as "the truth" (repeatedly) do they accept it. Presented with openness and questioning they do much better.
