.....married with children

by sadiejive 13 Replies latest jw friends

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  sadiejive

  25ashitaka25: Thank you. I have been trying that. Not at first, though. When I first found out some of the things that I did, I bombarded him. And when he began to make excuses and such, then I got angry with him. Then I progressed to the point of making sarcastic remarks. I'm now to the point to where I just bring it up when I go to church. I ask if the kids can go with me...he says no...I say, why not....he gives me the spill about how they aren't teaching scriptural doctrine, how they have a pastor...who is paid by the church...yada yada....and the conversation ends there.

  My husband has a friend whom he is really fond of. He thinks the world of this man and highly respects him. Since my husband will not listen to me anymore...or any of the information I get (especially since the source of most of my info are apostates), I have asked this man if he will help. He agreed. I'm hoping this will begin the process. I have a ton of material that I am going to give him to give to my husband (as he wouldn't read it coming from me). I hope and pray that he will read this material and not just trash it and that it will open his eyes.

  As far as fading away, that won't be necessary. I'm not a member. I just don't show up. Of course, when they visit my house I get bombarded with questions, Have you been ok?,, Anything on your mind?, Something bothering you?, Anything you want to talk about? And I KNOW that they know that I've been consulting apostates and going to one of those eternally damned churches of Christendom. And when I do go to the KH (my hub gave a talk this past Thurs), I get eyeballed to death. And I know...all of them know too. Talk about feeling small.

  Sadie
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  outnfree

  Sadiejive,

  Are you still attending personal Bible studies with your husband?
  If so, you might want to stop, and make it clear to the couple who were studying with you that you do not wish to have anything to do with JWdom.

  Next, you must insist that you be allowed to raise your children in the faith that you choose -- and if you are experimenting, then they experiement along with you. This DOES NOT go against JW rules.... When a JW convert has an unbelieving mate, they teach the convert to reason that each parent has a right to instill his or her own beliefs in the child and to press for allowing the children to attend meetings. And I know children of Witnesses who spent entire DAYS on Sunday at both church AND at the Kingdom Hall. (Poor kids! -- I like your idea of Tues/Thurs. vs. Sundays better.)

  I don't know how to explain this: The Witnesses encouraged me and every other sister with unbelieving mates I know to be as devious as necessary to make sure that the kids were out in service, not participating in school activities (which were fine with their father), and were having home Bible studies. They explained to me that it was my God-given responsability to teach my children 'the Truth', as they had no salvation except throught the believing parent.

  TURN THIS ARGUMENT AROUND ON YOUR HUSBAND. The Scripture is at 1 Corinthians 7:14. You must be strong and VERY CLEAR that you believe that your HUSBAND is in error, that your children's eternal lives are at risk, and that you MUST be able to teach them according to what you believe will save them. (Just as he will wish to do.)

  When I cried and cried to a Presiding Overseer I knew about how my husband had enrolled the kids in Catholic grade school, he told me the following: "Well, I understand there's more discipline in Catholic schools and less of a drug program. Perhaps it's a protection from Jehovah. So, you just keep teaching them what is true from the Bible, and they will be able to see the difference between false and true religion for themselves."

  And they have.
  And so have I.

  Point is, the JWs firmly believe that the Witness religion will measure up against anything else out there. Challenge your husband on this. He will not win in the long run. Your children will.

  outnfree

  P.S. "A workman is worthy of his wages." -- the ministers are worthy of being paid for the good work they do... which includes much more than the average JW elder!

  It's what you learn after you know it all that counts -- John Wooden
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  zev

  As a person who has some experience with this type of thing, there maybe a few
  Thoughts I can help with.
  First off, I don’t have children of my own.
  I only had two “step” sons, and they had been married and gone for a few years already.
  So basically, I had only two issues to deal with.
  The wife. And the borg.
  I found myself in a situation, where it was, “leave the borg, the marriage is over.”
  The marriage had been undesirable for many years. We shared an apartment, but not our lives. When I wanted to make my break from jw’s, that’s when I was given, “conditions” for the continuation of my so called “marriage”. There are always conditions. I don’t need to spell that out for anyone here. Reasonable and acceptable ones. And those are acceptable. And even expected. No problem there. Cross the line however, and it became easy to see…I wasn’t respected, and I wasn’t loved for the person I am. Which IMHO is not a bad person. Unfortunately, the conditions I lived in and under for all those years, 18+, made me into a miserable, unkind, and cold heartless bastard. Add to the fact that jw’s aren’t as loving as they preach they are, and I was doomed for an early grave, and a miserable existence on this planet. I tried my best. I had lots of soul searching to do, and unfortunately, my leaving the borg, tied into my marriage, which is something that no one should have to go through. But I think you’ll find this is not an anomaly.
  This happens very often, as I have had many private conversations, over the year, with people in exactly the same situation I had found myself in.

  There are decisions in life we all must face. You’ll have to face yours.

  Nothing was harder in all of my existence in the last year, than having to tell my mother-in-law, who I love deeply, that I had left her daughter. But as the wonderful person she is, even as a jw now, she was very understanding. She knows the hell I lived. And all she cared about? To make sure I was happy.

  While it’s true I have lost every friend in the borg I ever had, I have gained more than that to make up for it. It isn’t about quantity, it’s about quality. I have regained the family I lost. I also have found the love I lost so many years ago.

  And that’s what is important when all is said and done. I am happy. I’m happy with myself, and I’m happy, finally with my life. And extremely happy with the people in my life. Namely, my family, which I never had to fear the shunning from them, and one very special person in my life. I made all the right decisions, for the right reasons, and I’ll be able to forever live with those decisions with a clear conscience, and absolutely no regrets.

  I hope what I have said helps in some small way.

  -Zev
  Learn about the Wtbts and the U.N.
  ** http://www.geocities.com/plowbitch69 **
• 

  sadiejive

  Outnfree:

  Fortunately, we haven't progressed to the point of going door to door. Just recently (and conveniently, might I add) they have invited my husband to begin this ministry. Ugh. Anyhow, I wasn't aware of the "rules" for converts. Thanks for the briefing. I doubt that even if they tell my husband to give a little, he won't. He's a hard head....LOL. I would've never in a million years imagined myself in this situation. And thanks for pointing the scripture out in 1 Corinth. He did pull the ole I'm responsible for the spirituality of my family bit on Sun too. But this scripture points out that the unbeliever (either sex) and the children are sanctified through the believer (which can be either sex). As if I'm not responsible for the spirituality of my kids too.

  Zev: I am so glad that you have found happiness and that you have a family to whom you can go. Fortunately, we have no other family in the Borg...Thanks be to God!!!

  There are decisions in life we all must face. You’ll have to face yours

  I know, I know. But I feel like I'm being cornered into making a decision that I don't want to make. I just wish the word compromise was in the JW dictionary....

  Nothing was harder in all of my existence in the last year, than having to tell my mother-in-law, who I love deeply, that I had left her daughter.

  I had to deal with this in my last marriage. I tried to avoid my ex in-laws like the plague. Then one day, I went to "our" house to get the rest of my things and his mother was there. I never had much of a relationship with my own mother and had grown very close to his. She just stood there, looking at me, crying for the longest. Then she ran to me and threw her arms around my neck and whispered in my ear, "You have left a hole in this family that will never be filled." I thought I would die.

  But I survived. It's funny how some things you think, while living it, that you will never survive...one day become like a faded memories...almost like you dreamed it all.

  I made all the right decisions, for the right reasons, and I’ll be able to forever live with those decisions with a clear conscience, and absolutely no regrets.

  Beautiful. Words of wisdom.

  Sadie