Seriously condsidering disasscoiating

by Ashley L. 30 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  paulmolark

  I disassociated a while back. It was what I had to do to move on. I was not going to fade and still have murmuring about me. Nagging family about what I was doing. I could not bear to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder wondering if every time I was doing something "unscriptural" if someone would see me. More importantly if you fade you are still a JW. The thought of that repulsed me.

  Writing a letter to leave an organization is not unique to jw land. Resignation letters etc...

  what at this comes down to is what you can handle. If you can bear to face the possibility of never speaking to your family again with the upside of being your true self then write a letter.

  Otherwise you you can fade. Both have their own personal advantages and disadvantages just be very careful and really think your decision through
• 

  blondie

  Ashley, I have be inactive and not attending meetings for almost 14 years. jws still talk with us but it is not as social as before.

  Just don't cast your pearls before the swine, that is the elders.

  Blondie
• 

  Scully

  Look at it this way. When you resign from a job with a formal letter, it is considered a legal document terminating your employment of your own volition. It may impact your ability to collect unemployment insurance benefits (it does where I live). But the employer is not allowed to say negative things about you, your performance, etc. as an employee, because it would leave them open to charges of slander if you found out about it.

  When you write a letter to Disassociate™ from the JWs, it is considered a legal document, terminating your association with the JWs of your own volition. What happens after that is (a) an announcement from the Platform™ stating that you are No Longer One of Jehovah's Witnesses™, and (b) every JW you have ever known will be required to shun you. The announcement itself is a form of slander, because while no reason for your segregation is given, every JW assumes that it is for some kind of wrongdoing, such as fornication, adultery or even apostasy. Nobody there will ever know if you have an ethical issue with the policies of the WTS or if you disagree with an interpretation of the Bible, that perhaps others have too. It's just assumed that you are an Unrepentant Sinner™.

  The WT rule to write a letter of Disassociation™ is like an unloaded firearm pointed at your head. An unloaded gun is a threat without substance. The letter itself is the ammunition they will use to destroy you. The letter is key, and it's up to you whether you want to give them the ammunition. Personally, I wouldn't - and haven't for over 20 years. I still have a relationship with JW relatives. Other JWs... I couldn't care less whether or not they talk to me, they were fair weather friends at best.

  PS: In case you are ever approached by two Elders™ and are asked whether you consider yourself to be One of Jehovah's Witnesses™, tell them that your relationship with Jehovah is just fine. Do not answer their question. You don't owe them an answer... they do not have authority over you, except in their own opinion. It's a loaded question: If you say Yes, they can Invite™ you to a Judicial Committee; If you say No, it's as good as a DA letter and they will make an announcement at the next Meeting™.
• 

  TheFadingAlbatros

  "More importantly if you fade you are still a JW. The thought of that repulsed me.", paulmolark dixit.

  . Or in other words: It is impossible to have a foot on the moon and to act as freely as if both your feet were on the earth ... As simple as that !!!

  Some decisions take a long time before one can take and make it. So it can take many years till one is ready to take and make the decision to disassociate him(her)self from the JW org.
• 

  paulmolark

  Again this is your choice. Weigh it carefully. As a Wiccan just remember not to wear that pentagram or any other self identifying jewelry or dress etc... Until you move away because once they see you you will be in hella trouble.

  In regards to the slander that from that letter and announcement it is only damaging if you want to continue to be around them

  in your case if you want a relationship with your family then you might as well stay or fade. Move away so you can be yourself and continue to humor your family over the phone
• 

  cantleave

  As a Wiccan just remember not to wear that pentagram or any other self identifying jewelry or dress etc...

  I wore one to my JW mother-in-law's today............and I am not even Wiccan :)
• 

  problemaddict 2

  Im not sure I understand the urge to disassociate. I hear usually two things. First, that the person wants "closure". Second that its the "principle".

  1) Closure - Some people may get closure from this, but they have created ta mentality that will gain closure from the act. Embracing what you have been up to this point, and deciding to be something else, is fine. Nothing need be "closed". that is a misnomer. Don't cut your nose to spite their face. Just leave. Be who you are. Tell your family what you are comfortable with, and don't look back. No letter required.

  2) Principle - What principle exactly? I used to eat peanut butter. Now I don't for some health reasons, and because I try to stay away from legumes. I'm an almond butter man. Have I written to the peanut council of america and explained why they have lost me? I realize that is extreme, but that is my point. there is no principle here. that is what JW's WANT you to think. I remember clearly being taught that if you were a catholic and you became a JW, that you better get your name "off their list". Why? That simply makes no sense.
• 

  Ashley L.

  Here's thing I do have family the only ones that don't shun me are my Grandparents. I am already wearing my Wicca necklace because I have been initiated. Wicca is not a crazy religion I can do what I want when I want. Nobody is twisting my arm to be a Wiccan. I like being a Wiccan. It is a very misunderstood religion. That's why I want to disassociate it feel like it would be cutting the cord. My Mom might still talk me but she has nothing but negative things to say to me most of the time. This why I am in a dilemma I love my mother but no longer want to be under the organization control or my mother's control. This is why I'm thinking about dissociating.
  
• 

  Giordano

  Here's a good site that may be of interest.

  http://church-discipline.blogspot.com/search/label/JW

  Freedom from religion is accepted by most religious communities. However the WTBTS insists that when you DA yourself, as pointed out, the same statement is read to the congregation that your no longer a JW...........Unfortunately the folks in the hall may not realize that your not somebody really despicable.

  The WT double downs on this control issue by demanding that even close family can't speak to you. And this punishment, if you don't repent, is for life even though you have told them you don't intend to be a JW. So in effect the family is punished as well by not being able to talk to you and if they do then they in turn will be DF.

  You blunt this approach by doing a fade and living a good life. Your not giving in to the JW's your politely walking past them or going around them. You are punishing them for their stupidity.
• 

  bradford

  For me personally I thought about three possible solutions and there three outcomes.

  1. Fade and don't get caught doing something that could get you DFd.

  This option you keep your family and friends for time. You basically associate with new people and try to make sure you don't get caught up in anything. Witnesses will try to encourage you from time to time. You send mixed signals to those who don't know the truth about your wake up. You essentially play by their rules by fading for a small period of time. People will think you are stressed, depressed, and weak for slowing down and becoming inactive.

  2. Fade and live your life.

  Same as above except you aren't going to let it stop you from living life to the fullest. People will still think you are depressed, weak, etc. Eventually you get caught doing something like a holiday photo online or something and you get summoned to a meeting, eventually getting disfellowshipped. Or you move away from the congregation area and live happily ever after.

  3. Write a letter to disassociate.

  I told my friends all personally why I was leaving. I then wrote the letter to the elders because I have no kids or family besides my mother that are witnesses. I wasn't concerned with losing friends because I would lose them all eventually anyways when they decided I'm bad association. People will still think I'm crazy, depressed, prideful, demonic, etc. But we will all know the at I stood up for what I believe. And I feel like I can move on.

  Ultimately, different things work for different people based on their circumstances. Be patient and think far in advance.