Hello Everyone! Heres my story!

by OneDayillBeFree 29 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  RADHESYAM

  Hi and welcome to the board

  Im really glad u sent this letter to Paul Grundy.

  He is from the congo I grew up in - as young teens all us girls thought he was the bees knees- young handsome and a Pioneer to boot!

  So I was really surprised and happy that after all this years "out" - when I FINALLY decided to confront my past and look up ex JW's online I also found Paul's site and contacted him. He's a great guy I am sure he will have some good advice for you.

  I was in a similar situation to you when I decded to get out.

  One day I will write my story here..

  but for now my advice to you is start looking at your OPTIONS.

  Don't do anythign hastily.

  If you know you want to get out - then you need to make plans. This is a skill inlife NOT just for this situation but for anythign you want to do.

  Sit down and write a list of plans. What you want to be doing a year from now (even if you dont know and you JUST want to be OUT.. write what u need to do in 6 months.. 3 months and 1 month to be able to accomplish that 1 year goal.

  There are lots of websites and book about goal setting - check them out - I really like Anthony Robbins (yeah the guy from TV) he helped me achieve many of my goals.

  You're going to need a job... even if it's flipping burgers - you need money.

  You could learn a trade etc at night school.

  If you took a job by day and studied at night - you'd have a Legitimate excuse to cut back on service and meetings whilst remaning at home saving to meet your goals.

  You will notice on this website a LOT of people here do that while they are trying to get out - use work and or study to your advantage.

  It's like "buying time" for yourself without rocking the boat too much with the parents/elders etc.

  Please believe me when I tell you (as many others here will) that there IS a life for you outside the WTS ... there are many of us out here living our lives as "regular" people... we found jobs, we had familes, sure many of us have hangups and some crappy things we havn't really got over but for the most part I'd say we are happier now.

  You are still young and many of the issues you face are not JUST related to being a JW.. I have muslim friends and hindu friends and christian freinds all young and facing the same kinds of issues (ie: trying to please their families and churches/groups trying to find jobs/ trying to find real friends, tryign to find their place in the world.

  It;s a part of being an adult but unfortunately some of the stuff that the WTS likes to put into our heads makes it a little (sometimes a lot) more difficult for us to make our own decisions and know what is and isn't good for us.

  The fact that you are here and asking is an AMAZING first step to regainign control on your own life - many dont take that step

  CONGRATULATIONS to you.

  SO continue to ask questiosn to people here.

  We are all here because we want to help.

  Bless.
• 

  sizemik

  Hi OneDayillBeFree . . . welcome aboard.

  It's a high-control organisation you wish to leave . . . and few get out without some cost . . . brace yourself for a time when you may not have the relationship with friends/family you would prefer . . . that may well be out of your hands.

  As the above posters have said in all sincerety . . . life outside of that religion can be very happy and satisfying . . . just keep your head, and your self respect, and your patience . . . make good choices

  Your a young man with wings on his feet . . . get ready to fly
• 

  Coffee House Girl

  Welcome,

  I could relate to much of what you said & from my experience I agree with many of the posters here...you are young and despite what feelings of "urgency" you grew up with being a JW...you have time to plan

  yes, you need to get a place of your own...my JW mom resisted this a lot and I got a lot of flack from JW family about the dangers of living on my own (how will you get your family study? who will keep track of your spirituality? etc) but I did move into a small apartment I could afford by working full time- I explained that I really needed to try living on my own to gain some strength and responsibility.

  You could even get a place in a neighboring cong...less time with family watching your every move...

  Then make a plan for a gradual fading away..even take some night classes (you can apply for financial aid)...maybe in time you can go to college full time if you get a room-mate- keep your feelings inside & always remain loving and kind to your parents

  someday it will come out that you no longer want "the truth" and that will be hard to deal with, but having some support system in place by then (along with goals to secure your future like a job, education) will help

  I feel for you and I hope it works out...you have a support system already here

  CHG
• 

  aSphereisnotaCircle

  Welcome BeFree!
• 

  snowbird

  Welcome.

  One day, you will, indeed, be free.

  Just hold on to your faith, your friend, Kristina, and your senses.

  You are a fine young man with a good head on your shoulders.

  I hope the two of you can escape together.

  I'm praying for both of you.

  Auntie Sylvia
• 

  jgnat

  Hi, BeFree. You are getting lots of good advice from the board. There are very nice people out there in the world; there are some stinkers, too. Use the sense God gave you and you will be fine.

  No need to apologize for the length of your story. After keeping it in for so long, you needed the release. This is one of the great things about a discussion board - the chance to find your own Voice.

  As you plan your own future, you get to practice saying "no" to the plans the elders in your congregation have for you, and the resulting vague disapproval from the congregation. You will survive it!
• 

  jean-luc picard

  A warm welcome to you befree.

  You say:

  Should I wait a couple years, or should I just leave now? I really need help with this as

  I am completely lost

  It seems that you already know where you wish to go.

  Once you know that, start looking to see how to get there. You'll be surprised how

  things start coming together. The Borg call that Jehovahs blessing. But life is like that.

  Wish good things for yourself, and good things start happening.

  Just promise to let us know how things are going.

  jlp
• 

  sd-7

  What an amazing story. Thanks for sharing it.

  Really, this is a dangerous time for you. You're facing an impossible choice with no room to maneuver. Yet at the same time, you have your whole life ahead of you. More than anything, you need people you can trust, people who have walked this same road and endured what you will have to endure. I'm one of those people, and I'm sure I express the feelings of many others when I say that you can talk to me about anything, if you need to. Send me a private message, whatever.

  I'm happy for you, that there's a girl in your life who understands your feelings. Be careful, though. If anyone detects your doubts, they could use her against you, maybe even try to turn her against you. For your sake, I hope that doesn't happen, but it happened to me. Good luck with that one. I hope you and her will have some pleasant times together and at least stay under the Witnesses' radar if you can.

  Your path is just beginning. You'll have much to do and much to absorb. Clearly you need some extra training so you can find work and get out of your parents' home. That is your first priority. In the meantime, continue reading the Bible, spend time continuing to examine the Society's history and verify what you might read on the Internet. There are some great resources out there, jwfacts is one of the best.

  Most of all, you've got to be able to talk about this. You can't do it alone. It'll take bravery, and the will to make whatever sacrifices are needed to stand for what you believe in. Anyone and everyone associated with Jehovah's Witnesses in your life right now is to be considered as forfeit. Better to assume that now than to be greatly disturbed when it happens. Don't let attachment to anyone cause you to hesitate. They will burn you and feast on your remains. They're experts and powerful at persuasion. Stand up to them. You already know they're just men.

  I wish you the best.

  --sd-7
• 

  fade_away

  Hey Oneday,

  I feel for you man. I know EXACTLY where you're coming from. I was born into this religion and stuck in it until I moved away from my parents. Just like you, I worked mostly on the sound dept. I also worked on literature and passing the mics. I had to work on parts and go out on service. My dad as well is an elder, so just like you, I had to do all this for him. If I stopped going to the meetings, my dad would lose his status as elder. It was up to me to make sure that didn't happen. I didn't want to be responsible for that, so....I played the part of a good boy. It wasn't until last year when I finally got married to another witness who was also playing her part just like me, and moved out. Now my wife and I are out together and my dad can keep his fancy elder status no matter what I do.

  You can have a serious talk with your dad and say pretty much everything you've said here on this board. Maybe they'll cut you some slack and let you step down as pioneer and privileges, but I'm sure some drama will unfold along with rumors and gossip throught the cong. I would advice you to move out on your own (preferably far away) first before you leave. It won't affect your dad's elder position. If you move far, you can give the excuse of changing congregations. This is the perfect time to fade. That's what I did, and although there is some drama, it's not as bad as if I would've done it when I was living with my parents.

  We'll all be here for you so don't be afraid to ask us questions or ask for advice. Feel free to PM any of us too.
• 

  jamiebowers

  Welcome to JWN! You've got your whole life ahead of you, so stay calm and be focused on your future. If you're in the U.S. the first thing to do is check into Americorps. It's a program that provides work for both wages and credits to pay for your education. You won't make enough to live on your own, but you may be able to get into a roommate situation.

  If that doesn't work, and you have to remain in your parents home, go to schol and work at least part time. If your parents balk at education, explain to them that you're setting yourself up to be able to provide for the family that you want to eventually have.

  Also in the meantime, you my want to check out meetup.com to see if you can find other exjws in your area. Good luck, and keep posting.