JW's attempt to sabotage a funeral was foiled (for now)

by TastingFreedom 21 Replies latest jw friends

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  TastingFreedom

  I had to share this sad experience... even if it's not in my top priority list.

  My older brother from my mom's first marriage unfortunately passed away last night. He had been struggling with health issues, the last few years. This is a very sad time in the family as you can imagine, specially because my mother lost her youngest son just five years ago. In any case, let me get to the story about how my JW siblings and their respective wives made an attempt to make this into a JW propaganda event.
  My brother Tito had become a Christian the latter part of his life, and was actually assisted by a Christian congregation as he struggled during the last few weeks. He actually does not live in the city where I and my JW family live. My mother even though she is a JW, is more moderate and tries to respect other people's beliefs, even if she does not agree with them. However, my hardcore JW family tries to manipulate her and put guilt into her by pushing her to do things the "theocratic" way..
  
  My JW family has been distant with my brother because he never became a witness, he has been treated like a second class citizen because of it. Hasn't been invited to important family events. Always thought of him as the black sheep of the family condemned for destruction in Armageddon. I have to admit that when I was a witness I was distant with him as well, and had been trying to reach out to him the last couple of years.
  
  He actually had become very resented about his life and had been struggling with alcoholism. My JWs family even got to the point of saying that he deserved this because of his bad conduct and all his bad actions.
  
  In any case, to make a long story short, my mother and I are traveling to his town, in order to make the funeral arrangements and the services. While planning all the arrangements, my JW brother and his wife make the point that they need to come with us. I could understand my brother coming so he can say good bye and pay him the due respect. But he wants to bring his wife along to "support" him, and we kept wondering why since Tito was not a witness, why is she interested to attend to a wordly funeral. For the record, she is known to be a very dedicated JW (pioneer), who loves to be manipulative, controlling in congregation matters (gossip). Well, it turns out, she has been "encouraging" my brother to give a talk about resurrection and to share with all worldly family what promises Jehovah's witnesses have. They see it as a perfect opportunity to witness to others and use it as an experience in the special campaign going on right now.
  
  I heard this and I literally went nuts......I was so furious, I could not control myself, and told them that they are **** crazy. How could they disregard his beliefs and his religion now that he is dead. What **** right do they have? Why do they feel entitled to push their shit to others. I told them, I will not allow this to happen.. How would they feel if I came along and tried to impose an Atheist ceremony for their funeral? I basically told them that if anything I will have a local pastor from the church he attended say some things, and I will honor him by talking about his life, his hobbies, challenges, passions, etc...
  They were trying to be sneaky, and I couldn't understand why they were acting sneaky and secretive. I could not believe that they were very close to sabotaging my brother's funeral. Bastards!!
  I will not forgive my brother for not having the balls to stand up to his crazy JW wife, who is a true fundamentalist JW Taliban!
  
  Other than than, taking a flight in a couple of hours.... and I hope we avoid more drama.... !!!
  The battle may not be over yet... there is still one day, where they could come up with a new evil plan!
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  Snoozy

  I feel so sorry for Tito..they probably contributed quite a bit to making his life on earth hell for him by treating him as they did..I pray somehow somewhere he can find happiness in the future..I always want to hope that there is something else out there..

  JW's are so judgemental and condeming and negative..so sad...

  Hugs..Snoozy
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  Reopened Mind

  Tasting Freedom,

  My deepest sympathies on the loss of your brother. Your SIL's attempt to sabotage the funeral was unbelievably crass!!! Do your best to hold your ground, knowing you are doing all you can to honor your brother.

  (((((HUGS)))))

  Reopened Mind
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  flipper

  TASTING FREEDOM- I'm so sorry about the loss of your brother. My wife and I send our love and condolences to you my friend. It is amazing how JW's try to use ANY funeral as a marketing ploy. but to use a non-JW's funeral as a marketing ploy is even MORE reprehensible. Jesus. Sounds like your JW sister in law wears the pants in your other brothers family and has him wrapped around her finger. I'm glad you spoke up and insisted on a dignified , respectable funeral for your brother without the JW trappings. Hope you have a good trip and can bond with your mom as well. Take care, hang in there, Sincerely, Mr. Flipper
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  Broken Promises

  Firstly, my condolences on the loss of your brother.

  I commend you on standing up to your other brother and his wife. They can't help themselves, can they? But good for you on taking a stand on behalf of your brother. I hope all the funeral arrangements go well.
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  jwfacts

  I am very sorry to hear about your brother. It is a shame the JW side cannot be respectful but during such a sad time.

  The last funeral I went to was of an older JW whose large family of children were not JWs. The ceremony was held at the grave site and only a couple of JWs attended. However, an elder gave the talk and then his wife took out a large pile of "what hope for the dead" brochures and started handing them out. I was fuming at the lack of respect.

  The Watchtwoer funeral talk outline is at http://jehovah.net.au/books/Watchtower-Funeral-Discourse.pdf It is nothing more than propoganda marketing campaign that specifically states not to eulogise the deceased.
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  jamiebowers

  So sorry to hear of your older brother's passing. And good for you for stampng out any possibility of Watchtower propaganda at his funeral.
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  Band on the Run

  I don't think there is anything worse than a Witness funeral. Ray Franz wrote movingly about his uncle conducting one with no reference to the deceased. Witness funerals are naked power grabs. A similar thing happened in my family. My mom was born in a family that had been active since Russell. She was expelled for the flag salute. The Witnesses plagued her life. When my abusive father died, I told her she would need the police to force me to KH against my will and that I would resist physically and sing loud songs. The civil rights movement was strong. When he died, I refused to have anything to do with them. It shocked me but she quit immediately.

  She would come to me to Anglican churches. Sadly, she totally rejected the Witnesses. She was bitter and with good reason. Among her few possessions was a poem about not being controlled by religion. It was a piece of crap in terms of writing style but she loved it. Her essence of being was summed up in that poem. The poem went on and on about no religion claiming his life. My mom left express wishes about her death. She wanted only immediate family, no JWs invited at all. Her ashes were to be scattered at the Jersey shore.

  I am single, temporarily. My brother is single, was a Maoist (notice the cult influence) and atheist, my sister was raised JW but converted to Roman Catholicism. She was married to a RC. If her husband were a voodoo practicing Buddhist Taosit, she would be one. I read her handwritten will. Since I am a lawyer, I feared my siblings would claim I exerted an undue influence. I begged her to handwrite her will to prove her wishes. We meet. My brother in law shows up. My brother in law did not pop out of my mom's body. He is an arrogant Arab. Extremely arrogant, presumptious and ignorant. He is an engineer. You would be in utter disbelief that he ever attend college for one day. He demanded a CAtholic funeral wit his priest. My brother and sister knew my mom's wishes for decades. I was very ill and battling hard to function. Not one of them said Boo to him. I said with imported lawyerly arrogance and determination that he had no vote. Further, our wishes did not control. Her valid will was the only one things would be done. Otherwise, I could obtain a court order without any money out of my pocket. My brother in law is a true jerk. It is my siblings' behavior that hurt me deeply.

  I became the heavy and bad one for insisting that her wishes, not mine, were followed. That poem could be a classic English textbook example of how not to write. It was her love. She kept it folded with her my birth certificate and other papers for decades. Periodically, she would take it out and read it, affirming its importance to her.

  My brother in law is very ruthless. He from his immigrant status condemns my religion (Episcopal -how much closer can you get to Catholic?) and my political beliefs (Dem, unions were my parents passion even during the Witnesses.). I worked for the U.S. Senate for a presidential candidate. Because I am an Ivy League grad the Ivy League is nothing. Dumbing down is preferable. Coming from Manhattan, I was used to diverse groups of people adoring their diversity and always showing respect. I've discussed Christianity with Jewish friends far more than Christian friends). The Episcopal Church is so valuable to me b/c of the Witnesses. It is my choice. My treasure. He can be a Roman Catholic. I don't bother him. Meals, brief visits were hell. Finally, he became just like my father witnessing. I met with the priest. If I play by his behavior, I am doomed to become what I abhor. If I just sit there, my religion and values are dirt. She explained it had nothing to do with politics or religion. Rather, it was a naked assertion of power.

  I stopped focusing on every exchange, preparing responses to being baited. My sister just watches but does not bait and hammer me over the head. Of course, if her hubby were polka dot, she'd be polka dot. She has no personhood. They can only exercise power over me if I allow it. I started answering back in small measures. It is not perfect. I still become enraged. The debate is whether to even bother with my sister. Remembering it is not about anything factual helps me cope.

  Facts don't matter. Reality doesn't matter. He is like Hitler with the putsch. My father spent countless hours researching Witness repudiations of Catholic doctrine. he had no love fo rhis co-workers. He was an ignorant ass. His employer gave him final notice about the haranguing. Wives of his co-workers would call my mom begging her to stop him. One man even had a heart attack! Priests were consulted. It was mess. He was so proud when he won a little minute point. Finally, a Jesuit seminarian worked there. My father screamed at him about the translation of soul. A large debate ensued. My father came home (he was a Bethelite for about fifteen years)and took to bed in deep depression. He acknowledged the Society was wrong. So he gave his witness. I thought you witnessed to spread the good news and convert people. He spread an ugly gospel and not one person was converted. Rather, the entire neighborhood discussed his vulgar ways.

  Witnesses are very antangonistic. Where is the love? Love over another as I have loved you. First and last commandment. I know the personality type that you describe so well.
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  TastingFreedom

  Thank you very much for all your kind words of support! Greatly appreciated!
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  Morbidzbaby

  I'm so sorry for your loss, TastingFreedom. You and your family are in my thoughts.

  One word of advice, though (if I may)... You made your wishes known about your brother's service and not allowing your JW brother to give any Watchtower infomercials instead of a eulogy. However, seeing as his wife will probably harangue him to do SOMETHING, you may want to be on the lookout for strategically placed brochures or tracts at the funeral home or church. I know that a friend of mine's father passed and even though it was an Adventist service, she left a bunch of tracts at the podium where the memorial cards and the sign-in book are located. So, this is just a little heads-up that they still may try to brazenly get their way!!