Will you attend the Kingdom Hall for a funeral of parents who are still JW's? If not, do you tell them beforehand? (page 4)

Everyone has the right to their decisions on this. I don't think we should do more than politely debate what "should" be done when raising questions on what others will do. Mainly, we can say what we would do and our reasons. It is reasonable to stay away from a Kingdom Hall and it is reasonable to attend whatever services are arranged for a parent or other loved one.

I am not being shunned by my JW mother but she has voiced a concern about me, asking me to avoid DA'ing so she doesn't have to shun me. I don't think she will shun me even if that took place. I can only really answer according to my current status as a fader (inactive JW) with full access to my JW loved ones.

Not attending the yearly Memorial of Jesus' death is a statement that I am not coming back. The death of a loved one is not a good time for me to try to make another statement. It's just a building and it's just a nonsense infomercial/talk. I have attended church funerals which may be considered the same thing. I am not there for the dead loved one, but for living people's comfort. My step-father (not JW) would see it as silly that I would not walk into a building because of what it represents. He would attend his wife's memorial, so I would go for his sake and for my wife's sake.

I suppose I am still making some sort of statement by attending- I put my bitterness behind me for the sake of loved ones.

As far as advice to an ex-JW not willing to set foot in a KH ever again, I would say to calmly tell both parents that. Ask them to respect his decision to honor them when they are deceased in his own way and not to get upset at such a refusal. Let them know it's not personal and not to read any such things into it other than his desire to stay away from the Kingdom Hall after all the JW's has done to "him."

jwfacts

My parents requested that I not attend my grandmothers funeral last year. I chose not to, and did not feel bad about it as I had flown to see her shortly before she died, which was more important to me.

My father has requested that I may want to consider not attending his funeral. I was very well know in the area as a good witness, and now as an even better apostate, and he feels it will be too uncomfortable for everyone. Damn them. It is my father and I will not care less how any hypocritical shunning JW feels. However, it will be very difficult to sit through a funeral where my father cannot be eulogised, but in its place I need to sit through a Watchtower marketing pitch.

Black Sheep

As shocking and incomprehensible as it may seem to both sets of parents, this ex Witness believes that, just like every other human throughout human history, they are going to die.

Tell them they are wrong, they are gonna die before their killer god gets you, and you are going to be a pall bearer.

My parents earned that.

They have spent my whole life telling me that I better hurry and up and get in now because the generation of 1914 is nearly all gone, badmouthing Catholics, athiests, Trinitarians, and scientists and looking forward to them all being killed so that they can move into their fancy houses with their pet lion that eats cabbages. If they don't want me to bury them they better start praying a bit harder for my demise at the hands of their god, They are running out of time.

nancy drew

If their playing the shunning game, they should know the rules and accept them. As far as I,m concerned their on their own they choose the organization and that's what they get.

nugget

I wouldn't attend the advertorial at the kingdom hall as I personally feel it lacks respect for the dead person. My sister would arrange that anyway. I would pay my respects privately at the cremotorium.

Mad Sweeney

I am my parents' executor and if they happen to go together, there WILL NOT be a Sales Pitch event at the Kingdom Hall. I might let an elder say some things at the funeral home or some other rented space but he won't be going by the Borg sales pitch formula if I can help it...which I can.

If they pass on one at a time, that's another story, and I'm going to have to submit to the wishes of the surviving parent. Still, I'll make my voice heard that I STRONGLY prefer it be done at a neutral site.

I don't want to go in a KH again but I would do it for a surviving parent if it came to that. It would SUCK though.

jws

When my mother passed away, I was still a JW. My father passed away 2 years ago and I went. I went to the funeral parlor. The next day there was a service at his Kingdom Hall followed by a get-together at one of the pavillions at a local park.

Why stoop to their level of avoidance? My father meant a lot to me and never shunned me. I also believe I showed the JWs there that knew me that I was a well adjusted person. That living outside of their religion did not turn me into some drugged-up freak. I talked to many of the people I once knew.

Religion came up a few times in a gentle manner. And isn't that the best. Seeing these people and them knowing your grief, they didn't hit you over the head or berate you. If religion was brought up, it was a sort of, "your dad believed strongly and loved his boys" sort of thing, with sometimes that hint of "he'd love to see you in the New World". Which, you can brush off. No accusations about the life you're living or whatever.

On the whole, nearly everybody I once knew came up and talked to me or vice-versa, without uncomfortableness. At least not for me and seemingly not for them. Maybe in light of the situation, they weren't prepared to project any negative feelings towards me.

Palimpsest

I struggle with this a lot. I absolutely will never set foot in one of those places again, so that includes funerals. I don't think that's petty; I think it's necessary for my survival. At the same time, I don't think I could ever bring myself to tell my mother that in advance.

My thought has always been that, out of respect for her wishes, we can arrange for her to have a memorial talk at the Hall. However, I fully intend to not arrange for that until after she has had a real funeral at a funeral home. We can make an announcement at the end of her funeral that a memorial talk will be forthcoming and people are welcome to attend that if they'd like to. I also plan to put in her obituary that donations can be directed to one of the charities she actually likes and supports, like the American Diabetes Association or the American Lung Association. And I plan to promote her volunteer work for them, which she does in spite of admonishments from the elders, in her obituary as well.

The reason I wouldn't announce a memorial talk in advance is that I really want active JWs to attend a real funeral. I fear that if her obituary said she's having a funeral as well as a memorial talk, they'd only go to the latter. So I wouldn't approach the elders about a memorial talk until they're already in the door at the funeral and therefore can't steer people away in favor of the other function.

Side note...my mother heard from many people in her Hall (my old one) that they were amazed at the funeral we had for my grandmother, a non-Witness. The eulogies came from me and one of my sisters and were very much all about Grandma. The elder who made a few remarks at my mother's request could only read directly from the obituary (which I wrote) because he had no clue what to say about her as an individual. The difference did not go unnoticed.

Will you attend the Kingdom Hall for a funeral of parents who are still JW's? If not, do you tell them beforehand?

NewYork44M

OnTheWayOut