Counselled on chatting to a study!

Penn9

Hey all, I'm new to posting, but I've lurked for a while. Quick intro: I'm a 25 yr old guy, brought up a JW, strayed for a while, then got baptized convinced it was the best thing for me, the rest of the world is satanic, etc. I overcame that ridiculous belief and I know the truth about "the truth" but my friends and family are all deep into the cult so leaving is a huge risk that I'm not willing or ready to take. Maybe eventually.

Anyway, there's a study I'm attracted to (that no amount of scriptures is 'helping' me with) who has been attending meetings for a few months, not sure about her plans to get baptized, but she is becoming a regular visitor and I've been chatting to her in the KH. We DON'T look serious when we're talking, we happen to smile, and laugh, and all that stuff thats not commonly seen in the KH, so some idiot gets suspicious and I'm pulled into the back room. Elder basically tells me I'm STUMBLING said idiot with my flirtatious behavior with the worldly girl.

SERIOUSLY? First good looking girl my age in the congregation, my friends are mostly married (and the chances of me marrying the other sisters is less than slim) and I know it makes me a terrible person, and i should actually be telling her to run while she can, but I kinda want this girl to get baptized since so much as being interested in a study, let alone dating her, is frowned upon. Isn't even dating a NEWLY baptized sister frowned upon?

So I'm told to show the girl less attention which I cowardly agreed to, now paranoid of who went to the elders, who is watching us, blah blah, and now she's blatantly ignoring me. Her study conductor could have said something to her about it I guess. But it's getting me depressed. Our conversations were nothing romantic, but we both like each other, and now we're too scared to be seen together. I'm just annoyed that someone would say something totally false (just like "The Watchtower" God would) and I've never experienced this in the congregation before.

So I guess my question is, how would someone justify this is stumbling? And whats the worst that can happen to me if I brush off the ridiculous counselling and go on talking to this girl? And before anyone assumes it, NO she isn't in there to lure me away. Poor girl is actually really into this stuff. She has morals and her exact words were "I'm so glad to have found a religion where everyone else has them, too."

I'm sorry if it sounds like a silly problem, or something, but i'm hoping someone can offer insight. And mostly I needed to vent to other JW's because no one in the world would understand the lunacy.

the max

hey penn9, Im just leaving for work, WELCOME, I will catch up later MAX

WhatWasIThinking

It's stumbling because the other person is a thin-skinned, weak-spirited person. Perhaps the other person is jealous. I never understood the whole stumbling aspect. Seeing the actions of others, then doing research that confirms your thoughts of those actions is one thing. But just seeing someone do something (talk to a girl, drink too much, etc) on its own should not stumble someone. I think the elders just need to tell the person to grow up.

The worst that could happen is you and her really hit it off, she stops studying, you pursue her and if anything does happen get DF'd. If she does get baptized there is no guarantee that you two would be together. I would tell her to run away, but that could have bad consequences for you. It's a judgement call only you can make.

Sucks to be a mid-20s+ single brother in the org. Decent eligible females in that age group are few and far between.

still thinking

Hi and welcome Penn9,

Its not a silly problem and you arent stumbling anyone. It is just their ridiculous way of controlling people and their lives. I am sure you will get plenty of helpful insight and understanding here.

serenitynow!

cheerios

something similar happened to me a long time ago. except we did actually like each other. one of the biggest mistakes of my life was letting these idiot men come between me and her.

do what you feel is right. screw this stupid religion and their plethora of rules. the worst thing they can do to you is kick you out (DF) but then that is a blessing in disguise. the only power they have over you is what you give them.

MidwichCuckoo

So I guess my question is, how would someone justify this is as stumbling?

Welcome Penn. I've never understood the concept of 'stumbling', it all seems very childish. I think 'stumbling' is just a mechanism to try and stop members developing normal relationships and interests. It also reeks of envy. Someone sees you doing something they'd love to so they cry 'stumble'.

tracylee

Penn, you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. I wish I had some good advice for you, but the friend I had who was in a similar situation, well... it was pretty hard on her. I don't think she got disfellowshipped, but she sure did get blackballed by the congregation. She met a guy, he started studying, she was counseled for basically talking to him at all ever, I think she might have even been reproved (she was intentionally vague on the details). Anyway, she paid a hefty price to be with him. Nobody spoke to her, she was badmouthed and gossipped about, and I think she lost her privileges. But, as soon as he got baptized, they got married, and have children now, and are very happy. But it was really difficult for her during that period of time prior to the wedding. So difficult for her that she, you know, actually spoke to ME, a disassociated JW, because she needed SOMEONE to understand her and be on her side. She is a very devout JW, so for her to speak to me at all about how she finally understood how I felt when everyone treated me like that... well, things must have REALLY sucked for her to get to that point. But, she is still a JW. And things must have gotten good for her again, because she went back to shunning me.

I'm pretty sure that no matter what you do, you're pretty much screwed. You're already on the Elders' sh*t list; they're going to be watching and waiting for you to mess up or "disobey" them.

DagothUr

This whole "stumbling" concept has been strongly advocated in the white booklet "Remain in Jehovah's love" which is the second study book after "What does the Bible really teach". That "RiJL" is one vile booklet, let me tell ya! It also advocates shunning, squealing to the elders, stalking others, etc. and is less doctrine-oriented. If you really like that girl, break her chains. Tell her to leave the Borg. If you wanna leave with her, it's up to you. If you wanna screw up both of your lives, do nothing, but don't come here in 10 years from now, crying.

Iamallcool

Welcome to the board! Oh well you are right it is a cult.

Counselled on chatting to a study!

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