thanks all so much for your support (again ) i have finally come to the conclusion that in some cases you are better off having no contact with family and as my daughter is such a sensetive little child the emotional damage they could do to her could be horrendous , as last night when i started to kiss her good night she started to cry and said " you are so pretty mummy i cant bare the thought of you dying " so i told her about heaven and such like and it calmed her down , they could really mess her head up !