Resigned

by Franklin Massey 50 Replies latest jw friends

  • Franklin Massey
    Franklin Massey

    Thanks to all for the words of support and encouragement.

    Maze, from reading your posts, I see that you think there are "undercover apostates" who are fabricating stories for the benefit of...who knows. You are probably correct in this assumption. As for me, I have remained relatively vague on this site for the sole reason of not being identified by others. At times, I feel like I may have given too many clues as to my age, family status, region, etc. Now that I have stepped down, I'm sure that some sisters and brothers will wonder why. I can't be direct in my response as I could be disfellowshipped for apostasy. I will remain elusive as to my true feelings in the congregation - and also elusive on this board as to my true identity. Also, I'm not even sure what posting my talk outlines would do to prove anything. I'll give you something to chew on though: I have two talks that I have been giving for the last couple of years. My outlines differ greatly from the original outlines provided by the Society because as my conscience troubled me more and more, I had to keep adapting the talks so as not to feel like I was telling the audience things that I myself did not believe. I thought I could maintain that process for long while. However, I reached a point where I could hardly give a talk without feeling like a fraud. The Society requests a certain level of obedience from its elders and I was twisting and bending the rules so much that I no longer felt qualified to be an elder. As I get the sense that you are a bit of a troll, or at the very least, an antagonist, I will not honor you with any more information than what I have just typed and what I have already posted.

    williamhahn, I understand your point about the fade vs. a solid stance. I want to take the solid stance but feel that at this time, it would be a selfish course when I consider the negative impact to both my wife's and my families.

    dontplaceliterature, You're right. I haven't been on here as much. This board has been therapeutic for me but as I became more serious about stepping down, I thought I should take a break from my constant activity here. It's easy to find people here that will validate a move away from the JWs. I had no shortage of fuel here for my own personal little fire. I took a break because I wanted to be free of influence before I made my official decision. Also, I made this decision a while back, as some of my private message friends know. I didn't want to be too quick to jump on the public board and announce my decision.

    Camelot, I'm sorry to hear about the "loss" of your child. This part of the Society's control makes me ill. I am trying to avoid a forced break with my friends and family at all costs. If they think I'm weak or struggling, that's fine, as long as I can still be a part of their lives. For now, I'm willing to stick it out to maintain these loving relationships.

    sizemik, your comments about pretending to not know what I do know remind me of some bad advice that a few people have given me when I have expressed doubts or concerns about faulty JW doctrines. They said, "Your just too smart. You think too much. You should just stop thinking about things and be glad to be part of such a wonderful organization. Maybe one day your concerns will be addressed. Just be patient." Is it just me or is that total garbage? JWs boast about their "logical" and "reasonable" approach to helping people learn the "truth." But if I apply logic and reason to a subject and come up with a different answer than what JWs teach - or find a glaring fault in the doctrine - then I'm using my brain too much? It doesn't make sense.

    Doubting Bro, the thought of my wife being treated differently kills me. It was a big factor to weigh in my decision making process. I can take the negative treatment (if there is any). But she doesn't deserve it. She has been so patient and loving during this whole process.

  • Witness My Fury
    Witness My Fury

    Oh, and I am happier now than I have been in years.

    Funny that isn't it, As soon as I became inactive and not doing FS and thus had my little priviledges taken away i felt MUCH happier. What a fantastic release I felt!!

    Take it slow if you have lots to lose, but the slow fade can work, though you normally have to move away from your home gongos area to nail it 100%. I'm inactive 2+ years and non attending the KH this year, so am awaiting the Elders "intervention". (which i will be avoiding at all costs)

    Respect to you for following your conscience.

  • tresdecu
    tresdecu

    Thanks for the thread Franklin! Isn't it a relief to step down?! I still cherish wednesday evenings, and not having to cram a lame svc mtg part or school part together (I always did them last min haha)

    You mentioned this "If someone is questioning their role in the JW Org, and their search leads them here, I want them to see that many of their sisters, brothers, pioneers, servants and elders have questions and concerns too"

    Not that I dont appreciate all experiences here...when I 1st started posting It helped to read posts of x elders and MSs. I'm sure the same goes with lurkers as we are conditioned to look to the older men. So to see that many of them may have doubts as well, makes it easier. IMO.

  • kimbo
  • AlmightyDog
    AlmightyDog

    Way to go Franklin. I know how hard it is to step down as an Elder, as I am tormented with making the same decision myself. Stories such as yours inspire me and give confidence that it can be done.

    No matter what, you know in your heart that you have done the right thing. It's great that you did it while limiting influence from outside. That way you know it was your decision.

    Best of luck to you.

    AD

  • wasastar
    wasastar

    Franklin the consideration you extend your wife and others is commendable. And it sounds like she reciprocates that consideration. I stepped down 7 years ago and though I know it has been upsetting to my wife we still have a very good relationship. I attend only one meeting a month and have not been in Field service for over two years. She does not attempt to impose her belief system on me(even though it was previously ours) and I am careful not to say things that would upset her.

    We have managed to still have mutual friends. Last week went to dinner with CBOE and his wife and had a fine time. I attend meetings with my daughter when she is in town(twice a year). I have only one friend that I can speak reasonably freely with and we are very close to him and his wife. I like many of the brothers and sisters and do not feel I have to save them from the watchtower. Just as there are certain people I will not discuss politics with because of their political fervor, there are also those that I will not discuss religion with, which I guess is just about everybody.

    I wish you a succesful fade if that is your wish, a continued happy marriage, and many friendships both old and new.

    wasastar

    The friction that results from change should be lubricated with kindness

  • Crisis of Conscience
    Crisis of Conscience

    Franklin, you are awesome. I think you have gone about it the right way so far. I rose to the rank of MS and resigning from that was difficult. But I did it. I remember reading you story in the past and feeling pity for you because of the situation you were in.

    I continue to wish you the best. Oh, and a well deserved commendation on how you handled the troll. It asked me the same question before I resigned. Still can't figure out how that would prove anything. But whatever.

    How is your wife dealing with your decision? (I respect if you don't want to share that openly on this forum.)

    I am so glad to read of experiences like yours in which I could relate to. When you have doubts, per the WTBS, it's your fault. But as time progresses and you increase in your activity, you discover that the fault indeed lies with those who claim to be the channel of God. May you continue to find peace, as I also have in my decreased activity.

    Have I lost God's blessing? I can't say for certain, but it sure doesn't feel like it. And an honest hearted person like yourself doesn't seem likely to either.

    CoC

  • sizemik
    sizemik
    sizemik, your comments about pretending to not know what I do know remind me of some bad advice that a few people have given me when I have expressed doubts or concerns about faulty JW doctrines. They said, "Your just too smart. You think too much. You should just stop thinking about things and be glad to be part of such a wonderful organization. Maybe one day your concerns will be addressed. Just be patient." Is it just me or is that total garbage? JWs boast about their "logical" and "reasonable" approach to helping people learn the "truth." But if I apply logic and reason to a subject and come up with a different answer than what JWs teach - or find a glaring fault in the doctrine - then I'm using my brain too much? It doesn't make sense.

    Right on the mark Franklin. I had very similar sentiments expressed to me and was made to feel guilty about it. It's not just you . . . it IS total garbage and only serves certain vested interests.

    Millions . . . possibly Billions . . . would agree with us . . . To contend that God would give us such depth of thinking ability . . . and then ask us to "shut it down" so we can worship him in "truth" is totally ludicrous. Thinking ability is the precise mechanism he expects us to use to find truth and avoid being mislead by men.

    You're correct in your summary of Maze . . . our local JW apologist. It is widely believed that the same IP address has assumed about it's 6th or 7th identity here. There are some other weirdo's and trolls here . . . you'll come across them soon enough.

    I agree also with CoC's sentiments above . . . your handling of things reaffirms that well balanced thinking ability is something you possess. Again . . . all the best in the days ahead.

  • Franklin Massey
    Franklin Massey

    wasastar, your situation describes the best and most likely scenario that I can imagine right now. I want to maintain peace with the friends in the hall and my JW family. I have flirted with the idea of "going out with a bang" but concluded that it would cause more pain and irreparable damage than it would be worth. I'm not one for drama anyway. I would like to slowly and quietly drift to a low activity state where I'm not burdened by the WT Society and not considered a threat to my friends and family. Although it will still be a balancing act, it is much less a feat when compared to being an elder with an agenda.

    CoC, my wife supports my decision. In fact, she is the one who first brought up my resignation as a possible solution. During one of my emotional breakdowns where I wondered how long I could maintain serving while holding so many doubts and issues, she said, "I know you feel like you would be letting people down but I hate seeing you like this...why don't you just step down?" At first I felt like that was accepting defeat. But after giving it serious consideration, I realized that this isn't a win/lose issue. It's not a game, even though I previously thought that I could "play the game." She is very reasonable with me and understands where I stand on JW related issues. That being said, her thinking now is that, despite its imperfections, the JWs are the best organized religion available. She doesn't believe that the Governing Body are divinely blessed, but she does feel that they are trying really hard to take care of the worldwide congregation to the best of their ability. She also isn't as interested in religion and spirituality as much as I am. Where I see glaring faults that I can't let rest, she sees human mistakes that might be corrected later and for now, she just lets it roll off of her back. I wish I could be that laid back about it. But as was mentioned earlier, I can't pretend to not know what I do know.

    It is very much a human tendency to avoid having to admit that you were wrong. We look for excuses, reasons and scapegoats to soften the blow of that punch-to-the-gut that is finding out that you were totally wrong about something. I think we learn to avoid that feeling from a young age. Now compound the situation by adding to it that your religion may be wrong. That the way you understand God, death, purpose, morals, etc. could be wrong. It can be heartbreaking and frightening. You and the way you understand life's biggest questions could be wrong. So the mechanisms of self-soothing kick in. In JW world, these methods include, "New Light," "just wait on Jehovah," "we're dealing with imperfect people," "we'll get the complete picture in the paradise," "there must be something wrong with my understanding." It is quite possible to use these lines to bury doubts - and hide from the evidence that counters your beliefs - for your entire life. But for some, including myself, a point is reached where the real truth cannot be avoided. When you get the courage to accept the possibility of being totally wrong, the world opens itself up to you again. You spend less time defending your twisted version of truth and more time embracing the fact there there are very few absolute truths in a universe of countless possiblities. It's a liberating feeling. Unfortunately, that type of freedom of mind is not encouraged within the JW religion.

    The question was posed, "Have I lost God's blessing?" If there is a God as humans conceive there to be (yet to be proven), and if that God gives specific blessings to individual humans (again, this has yet to be proven and is very subjective to the individual experience), then I would have to say that no, a seeker of truths has not lost God's blessing. What else could a personal God ask for? I would imagine that a personal God would love a devout Christian Missionary as much as a Buddhist Monk as much as a well-informed Athiest. All three are trying to grasp the unprovable and infinite world of the metaphysical. They all get in to heaven ;)

  • sizemik
    sizemik

    Do it all at your own pace Franklin.

    And no . . . God does not play dice.

    Peace to you.

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit