Well done SIAM for realising TTATT it must be really hard to go through very painful thought processes like those you describe . What saddens me greatly is that on this thread everyone seems to assume that if you leave the Watchtower you have to leave Yaweh as well . I am a Trinitarian Christian who is working very hard to "enlighten " sounds very hi falutin' but you know what I mean , JW's to the fact that the Watchtower org twists the truth about Yaweh by mis quoting Early Church Fathers about Trinity , by not telling te whole truth about the teaching of the Cross rather than the torture stake etc .
JUst because those people , who I believe do know that their theology is wrong , because they have to lie so much to uphold it , have twisted the Bible for their own ends that doesn't mean that Yaweh isn't there for you outside of the org. It just shows that Christendom has been right all along . That is why Christendom gets such a bad press in Watchtower literature because they didn't want you to look at it's theology in case you realised that in fact it is the right one .
I know that many will disagree with my veiws ,I am just saying keep an open mind on the subject , and try and get past the Watchtower mind control and guilt trips about any other form of Yaweh worship and try for yourself .